The world is trying to stop you

[TexasFan]

Does anyone else have this kind of mentality? Consciously and unconsciously I have been going through this all my life. When it comes to women, career, working out, I always feel like people are holding me back from what I want to achieve. Abcourse realistically this is not true at all but sometimes I fall into that victim mentality. Mark, what do you this is the best way to combat this sort of mentality and be more motivated in going after what you want is all areas of your life (health,wealth,relationships).

[Spikes]

I've definitely had this kind of mentality in the past. I always felt like everyone else's life was great and everything worked for everyone else but me. But I think it comes down to it all being a self fulfilling prophecy. If you tell yourself that you suck with women, or you fail at your career or working out, that only gives you evidence of what you speak, which motivates you to move in the direction of sucking. However if you stop yourself whenever you have negative thoughts and replace them with good ones you will start motivate yourself in the direction that you want to go. Of course just speaking of how great you are will not alone change your current status. But if you continue to talk about your greatness and at the same time make goals and make your best effort to accomplish that goal you will eventually get there. I believe a lot of self help books talk about this topic but none come to mind right now.

[Trickster]

I used to adopt a victim mentality whenever things didn't work out and I realized that a) doing so was really just starting a pity party for myself, b) my friends didn't respect me more for it and actually thought me for what I was: a whiner, and c) I really wasn't all that damned important to others and the world wasn't out to get me. Honestly, I got out of it by getting more experience in being single and dating, and actually focusing my life on stuff that was important as opposed to letting everything ride on my success with women. Once you get more experience with dating part of dating really is just random and sometimes, you just don't like a girl for no particular reason. No judgement on their character, and therefore, when you get rejected it shouldn't be a judgement on yours either. This was a very freeing revelation for me.

That being said, I did notice that when I started changing my behavior there was a subset of my friends who were oddly not supportive of me becoming a more confident and emotionally mature man. They would always second guess me going out, and being aggressive, and me trying to fix my romantic life. I think that sometimes people pigeonhole you into an archetype in their heads, and once you try to break that archetype they're naturally resistant. Obviously, I had to start hanging out with these people less.

[Tim]

Trickster Wrote:I think that sometimes people pigeonhole you into an archetype in their heads, and once you try to break that archetype they're naturally resistant. Obviously, I had to start hanging out with these people less.

Yes! People create expectations of you as a person, and become comfortable with that. When that begins to change, and you no longer fulfill those expectations, people who are threatened by the change (usually because they are unwilling to allow/create change in their own lives) will resist that by trying to push you back to where you were. The people who actually want what's best for you and are good for you will learn to accept and adapt with the change though.

Back in the day PUA gurus were always going on about changing your friends if they weren't supporting your life. Naturally this led to a lot of counter arguments that this was superficial and negative, because it made guys dump perfectly good friends (or even all their friends) just to focus on PUA. But the healthy implementation of this idea is if you naturally notice how people respond to your decision to try and become better with women. Are they worried because the rest of your life is suffering, or are they envious that you are no longer the friend who is hopeless with women and has no active social life? That's the test of a real friend.

Anyway, I don't have much advice TexasFan, but I would say to focus on trying to take responsibility for as much as possible in your life, one thing at a time. If you feel like your career is being held back, decide that you are going to take as much responsibility as possible in that area of your life, and refuse to ever blame other people for your lack of progress. Then with that new perspective, take a look at everything that you might be able to do now that you have that power. How can you work harder, or take more credit when you deserve it, or work more constructively with colleagues? Never mind what other people might be able to do in those areas; what can YOU do to be more effective there?

Also, when a thought comes in your head that says someone else is trying to stop you, try and look more closely at that thought. Don't try to argue with it, or get annoyed at yourself or depressed for thinking it, just look at it. If something seems unreasonable about it, point that out to yourself. Then when your brain argues back about that inconsistency, take a thoughtful look at that too, and see if you find anything unreasonable there too. Keep doing this, going as deep as you can. If you ever can't find why it's unreasonable, then just take some time to accept that you feel that way, regardless of whether it's right or wrong. In time if you go back to that thought, you may find something flawed in it that time around.

[Mark]

Sit down and write down 50 ways different people have helped you throughout your life.

Then go out and tell 5 people close to you who have helped you that you appreciate how much they've done for you.

Then read the Epilogue of my book "What if it was a gift?" and start applying that to your life.

That should be a good start.

[EppsMJ]

I've struggled with this as well -- also my patience with other people has always been an issue, esp when you get screwed. (ala they don't show up, or do something to derail you)

What's helped me is just trying to please myself first, not take it personal, and move on and when in doubt, work harder, be more persistent.

Matt

[Matt T]

If you're in the seduction community, odds are that your friends haven't been very useful to you. Might be time to look for new ones.

Just saying...

[Matt T]

http://heartiste.wordpress.com/2012/01/0...-you-were/

Roissy's view on the subject

[Tim]

That piece of writing is the evidence and expression of countless horribly unhealthy beliefs. I know we can't force people not to post links to Roissy or anyone else who is as mentally unhealthy, but... please don't.

If you're considering dropping a friend or friends, take a good hard look at your life and the nature of how they contribute to it. Don't consult someone like Roissy to help you with that choice.

[Matt T]

I don't understand, what's wrong with the article? I thought Roissy had some useful advice.

[Mark]

I think Roissy's views in general are a bit toxic, but he does have specific articles and pieces of advice that are quite good. He's no dummy, that's for sure.

Re: losing friends. I would say that it's often a side-effect of personal growth and development. But I don't think it's something you should go out and intentionally do unless it's absolutely warranted. If you change enough, it'll eventually happen on its own, but there's no reason to seek cutting ties with people who care about you. Many of your friends will stick with you and some will even come along and change with you.

It's kind of like rejection. Rejection is a by-product of having good game. Doesn't mean you should go out and TRY to get rejected.