Each of these points really hit home for me.
1.) I think you're absolutely right about "lowering your expectations for yourself," or maybe I'd call it "accepting that you're good enough." I feel like I've spent so much time on the PUA/self-help treadmill that I never really stopped to look around and see what's changed. Namely me. My circumstances, lifestyle and confidence (in some areas) have come a long way since I was a fucktard 20-year old adrift in college. I keep waiting to learn some new skill or conquer some old fear so that I can approach women. Everything I need I've got at this point. What's that saying "We are the heroes we've been waiting for?"
2.) This point really dovetails with the last one. I don't put myself in nearly enough situations to be able to meet attractive women. In some ways I'm still living the social life of a 22-year old. Many of my closest friends go back to college, and I love them dearly, but they're never going to be the guy to chat up the cutest girl at the happy hour, club night, gallery opening etc. The people I work with are mainly older, married types who go straight home from the office. So I'm clearly missing the boat on getting out there and meeting other youngish, attractice professionals.
3.) I've read Deida's book (one of the best I've come across on this trip) and I completely agree with the masculine-feminine polarity thing. I could probably count on one hand the number of times I've seen a truly smoking hot girl with a guy like myself: skinny, soft spoken, artistically inclined. I've never been terribly masculine, and I'd even go so far to say it's nothing I'm totally comfortable with. I'd always be the guy making fun of the jocks behind their backs, rather than getting out on the field and getting dirty myself.
This one is going to be a tough nut to crack, because it will basically mean trading in a big piece of who I am for a more masculine persona. I'm not even convined one can do that when they're 30 or older, but what choice do I have? I recently did a 5-day hike through the Peruvian Andes that left me feeling like more of a man. And of course girls just eat up stories about international travel and adventure. Maybe I need to keep following that impulse.
Thanks again for the insights, very useful
(07-03-2012 03:27 PM)Vytas80 Wrote: I feel your pain man.
My situation is somewhat similar. I'm 32, professional with good things going carreer-wise and strong social circle of friends.
I was cheated and dumped badly by my high-school sweetheart in my early 20s and since then till my 30s I more often than not settled for mediocre relationships with mediocre girls. Also had a dry-spell of almost 2 years when I was hooked on Warcraft (nothing to be proud of). Things are way better now
Your life sounds really cool to me!!
You seem to have your shit together. Basically, you rock now! Attractiveness-wise men are in their prime-time during 30-35. You can easily date women 10 years younger or older your age. It seems to me, your issue is, that somewhere deep-down your heart you feel unworthy to have a beautiful, sexy and loving girlfriend in your life. Like you have too little to offer her in return. Basically, you have too high expectations for yourself. I am no guru in, but here are a few tips that worked for me:
1. Lower your expectations for yourself. Don't become less ambitious, but just admit to yourself that you already have everything needed to have a great girl in your life. You may not believe it for yourself, but I am sure, there are atleast few hundred single and hot women in Washington DC that would consider you a great boyfriend material.
2. Allow high quality women to notice and choose you. Men do the picking part, women do the choosing part. Women choose men from the ones they have on their radar. It seems that medium quality women are already quite likely to choose you. So the more high quality women have you on their radar, the greater are your chances to be chosen. It is entirely up to you, how do you get on womens' radar. Play it to your strenghts. Daygame, bargame, online (for me personally its 'meh...'), art galleries, networking events, traveling, salsa dancing, fitness training. It doesn't matter really as long as you just walk to a woman you like and say "hello, my name is luigi..."
3. Unleash the wild-man inside you. I dont know how you look and what are your character attributes, but I feel that your religious upbringing has caged the man inside you. Religion by itself does no good for men. It teaches people to be obedient, modest, submissive, powerless and supressed - absolutely opposite of true masculinity. I would recommend you a book "The way of the superior man" by David Deida. According to this book, people end up together with partners who are their sexual reciprocal. Basically it says, that less feminine women (not so hot) choose less masculine men and vice versa - more feminine women (hot and sexy) choose more masculine men. My life experience has proven this statement to be true. What you can personally do - is to become a better man on a deep-core level of your heart. Is your appearance, posture and clothing manly enough? Do you pursue manly hobbies like sports and outdoor activities? Do you speak your truth without shame? Do you accept responsiblity not only for yourself but other people also? Do you make big decisions? Do you challenge yourself? Do you live a life full of passion and adventure? Do you defend your world view? Its not PUA stuff, but once you improve your core masculinity, you will naturally attract hotter women.
I have once spent 14 days in the wilderness of Russia with a small group of guys and then I was back home, I felt so top of the world that approaching hot girls was a breeze. And I had stories to tell
Hope this helps you
Funny you mention that... she moved to DC two years ago. We wound up hooking up the night of her birthday and for a few days I really believed it was going to be a fairytake happy ending.
But after that things immediately went South. We proceeded to go on a series of increasingly awkward, stiff, boring dates. When it finally became clear that it wasn't going to work out I took it pretty badly. I balled my eyes out and was depressed for weeks. I felt like even after everything I'd done, after all I'd learned about game/women/pickup etc., I still couldn't figure out how to keep a quality woman.
Looking back now I have a lot more perspective. The truth was that we both changed, and didn't have that much in common anymore. She was still beautiful, but the things she's really passionate about now (fitness and food) don't really excite me.
In some ways I should be grateful that she moved here. I got my second chance with her, and it was a complete, utter flop. I never have to wonder if maybe she was "the one" for me, because she definitely isn't. I learned that the hard way, the only way
(07-03-2012 05:03 PM)SeXyBaCk Wrote: Might be a bit random, but I think it'll do you good to google your teenage sweetheart and give her a ring. You're still - not emotionally but in your ideas and ideals about women hung up on her. She's probably married with 2 children now. Would probably do you good to see she's a woman like any other. BTW what is it about DC, seems like it's renouned for having mean women or something? Guys always complaining about DC.