Texting and Calling Her ?

[Thor]

Guys,

I am so use to calling girls after getting a number as I am not a big fan of texting. In the past when I have got numbers I usually call, on occasions I hit the voice mail and I leave a voice message telling the girl to either text me or callme back. When they dont respond I assume its a flake.

Cant remember who but someone wrote a text about texting before calling. Well I got a number of a girl a while back after complimenting her and having a chat about her country where she grew up. We seemed to rapport really well.

I called her the next day and hit her voice mail. I called two days later hit her voice mail left her a message to text or callme. She never called or texted me back.

Today whilst I was out shopping I randomly texted her saying "I am out food shopping what do you reckon chicken or pepperoni pizza ?" she replied back within minutes with a reply. I replied back with asking how her day was she replied back "Busy completing my course work have a nice day ;-)"

Now what I want to understand is why she replied to my text question but didnt reply to my voice message ?. Do you think she felt under pressure to come out on a date with me ? if so how would you progress from here to get her on a date ?. Or is it a case of she is just being polite and not really into me ?.

Thanks

[Leo]

Over-analysis. You can't read her mind, you can't know what she's thinking, so why bother to try to do something like that? Wouldn't be better if you spend your time doing something more productive, like enjoying your hobbies, talking to a friend, HITTING ON OTHER GIRLS, paying attention to those girls that are very responsive, etc, etc, etc. Don't waste your time trying to figure out what her actions mean; you just can control yourself so YOU decide if you want to pursue her, hit on other girls or keep going with your life. Do whatever you want but don't waste your time over-analizing.
Maybe she was busy, who knows?

[SeXyBaCk]

Leo is right, you're overthinking this.

Personally I more often text first ... especially here on the continent where women are more shy and clearly prefer texting to talking on the phone right away. I'm not a big fan of receiving voice mails, I always expect something bad. When I listen to my voice mail messages of someone i don't know really well... I notice all kinds of things that aren't always positive, weirds sounds, nervousness etc. And the feeling I get is they want something from me and I gotta provide/respond. That already puts me off. I'm making a hash of explaining this...but maybe you get my point. However after I know someone I just call, I can't stand how much time text convos take. I don't think leaving a voice message saying 'call me back' when you've never spoken on the phone is doing you any favours, you're asking for too much.

Back to your situation: My guess is this lady was bored doing her homework and got distracted by the thought of pizza. I don't think she's looking to come out with you (right away). It's up to you what you do next you can banter with her over the phone for a while hoping she'll eventually get curious about you (odds maybe 20% just to get her on one date) or let it go and focus on meeting someone else. Sounds like a complicated one, and since you've told us a little bit about yourself on here lately... I think your time is better invested elsewhere. Like Leo is pointing out, you can't know what is going on with her. Ask yourself is it worth, making an effort just for the right to get to know her a little more?

If you really need an explanation why she answered your text message... honestly, text message flirting is a safe game to play for anyone, it doesn't imply any sort of commitment or interest. I'd bet most of us have text messaged flirted with people we couldn't even remember what they looked like.

[Mace]

Oldguy, you seem to be getting numbers consistently. Good job, but that's only the first step.

You need to start getting dates from your numbers.

Oldguy, do a "text to call". Bait them with a teaser text as you just did. When she texts back, call her right away (she's now compelled to answer the call as she knows that you know she has her phone in her hand). Now spend a good 10-15 minutes on the phone, show her that you're a cool, normal guy and not a serial killer, and ask her out.

Remember, younger girls today are seldom used to prolonged phone converations with guys, so if you can pull it off you're golden.

Try this next time and let us know how it goes.

[Jon]

Sorry but this is just wrong Mace. There are many circumstances when you can use a text message but not pick up a phone - like if you are in class in school, in the office at work, out with friends. That's why texting is useful. Plus, it comes off as a bit try hard, since clearly you were waiting for the text back to call.

serious question - how many times have you gotten a date this way?

[Mace]

About a dozen. Some of these are girls I may not have gone on dates and subsequently had sex with had I not consciously employed the "text to call" tactic.

Jon, why so dismissive? Clearly what Oldguy is doing right now (impromptu phone calls, leaving voice mails) isn't working for him. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again while expecting a different outcome.

Perhaps it's time that Oldguy use another tactic that could yield him more success.

[Jon]

because it is a transparently annoying tactic, that if a girl used on me would cause me to not respond to texts.

Oh, and Oldguy, if you hit voicemail ALWAYS leave a message.

[Thor]

Thankyou everyone for your thoughts on my question.

I think Leo summed it up well I am thinking way too much about her text responses. Looking back I found that girls that are really into me do actually return my call or text back when I left a voice message and have ended up on dates.

Mace I think you might have a point I think young girls under the age of 25 might be alittle shy when it comes to picking up a call from a totaly stranger they met in the street or coffee shop for 20 or minutes.

If say I meet a girl and get her number if I text her soemthing like "It was nice meeting you have a nice evening" would that sound needy ?. I know from a previous post sometime said this is not a good idea.

[Chaos]

What I do when I took the way of texting before calling, is exchange some text and build a little momentum. Then I'll just send a message saying "I hate all this texting, I'm calling you right now" ... and then call her without waiting for her to answer.

If she answers great, if she doesn't because she's busy she'll usually answer with another text explaining that and you can go back to texting or teasing her or whatever.

[Mace]

(04-20-2012 06:49 AM)Oldguy Wrote:  Mace I think you might have a point I think young girls under the age of 25 might be alittle shy when it comes to picking up a call from a totaly stranger they met in the street or coffee shop for 20 or minutes.

If say I meet a girl and get her number if I text her soemthing like "It was nice meeting you have a nice evening" would that sound needy ?. I know from a previous post sometime said this is not a good idea.

Oldguy, it's best not to send a text like because it reinforces the stranger/random new guy dynamic. What you want to do is text her like an old friend, like you've known her for a long time. I usually text girls about something calling back to our initial conversation, so it triggers the positive rush of emotions when she first met me. Depending on how much she invests in her response I can guage her interest level.

I usually approach girls and ask them about relationship advice for my friend Chris.


Here are some initial texts I've sent out, along with responses (all names are pseudonyms):

Me (2:08 AM): so I told Chris what you’d said, he’s in tears but he agrees. I should hire you as my therapist how was the rest of your day

Amber (4:01 AM): Awe hand your friend a kleenex from me. Well I hear that therapists are getting paid pretty well these days . The rest of my day has been pretty great, how was the rest of your day?


Me (1:46 PM): so I told Chris what you’d said, he’s in tears but he agrees. I should hire you as my therapist how was the rest of your day

Amy (1:50 PM): Aww, I hope he’s okay. And I don’t think I’d make a very good therapist . My day was pretty good, I got a lot of homework done! How was your day?


Me (9:39 PM): so I told Chris what you’d said, he’s in tears but he agrees. I should hire you as my therapist how was the rest of your day

Allison (10:03 PM): Well I’m glad he agrees . Lol ya I’m good like that my day was ok that last class is a killer is he going to talk to her about it?


Me (9:33 PM): so I told Chris what you’d said, he’s in tears but he agrees. I should hire you as my therapist how was the rest of your day

Andrea (9:04 AM): He agrees? Wow, she should hold on to him. He’s smart. I was curious so thanks for keeping me apprised


Me (9:38 PM): so I told Chris what you’d said,
he’s in tears but he agrees. I should hire you as my therapist how was the rest of your day

Arianna (11:15:55 PM): Lol tht depends … How much r u willing to pay me? As for the rest of my day, well it didnt go exactly as planned … I was trying to get on a bus to get home but thr wasnt exactly possible XD How was ur day?


Me (5:22 PM): so I told Chris what you’d said yesterday, he’s in tears but he agrees. I should hire you as my therapist you enjoying the sun? -Me

Abigail (8:56 PM): Poor boy!!! I’ve been on an airplane allday!!!


Me (9:31 PM): so I told Chris what you’d said, he’s in tears but he agrees. I should hire you as my therapist how was the rest of your day

Jennifer (9:42 PM): Oh no! Tear? Well I hope he feels better soon. Hahaha I’m no therapist trust me, the rest of my day was fine, had a night lab and might go to bed soon. How’s your day going?


Me (9:31 PM): so I told Chris what you’d said, he’s in tears but he agrees. I should hire you as my therapist how was the rest of your day

Cindy (10:13 PM): Aha im glad my advice was taken! My night was good, hows yours?


Me (9:40 PM): so I told Chris what you’d said, he’s in tears but he agrees. I should hire you as my therapist how was the rest of your day

Tiffany (10:49 PM): aww poor guy I hope it gets better for him! haha it was ok.. I hate night classes


Me (6:02 PM): so I told Chris what you’d said, he’s in tears but he agrees. I should hire you as my therapist how was the rest of your day -Me

Lisa (8:27 PM): Damn hope he feels better my day has been good did you try to call just now by any chance?


Me (9:39 PM): so I told Chris what you’d said, he’s in tears but he agrees. I should hire you as my therapist how was the rest of your day

Madison (9:41 PM): Great! Thats to bad for chris i hope he is ok.


Me (1:50 PM): so I told Chris what you’d said, he’s in tears but he agrees. I should hire you as my therapist how was the rest of your day

Josephine (2:15 PM): Aw poor guy, well he’s free to do whatever he likes & she was drunk so…The rest was pretty good. I met my friend & went over plans of making a boat. I finished fixing my book bag, had a tea & am about to watch the rite of spring by stravinsky how was your’s?


Me (9:38 PM): so I told Chris what you’d said, he’s in tears but he agrees. I should hire you as my therapist how was the rest of your day

Theresa (10:31 PM): Well wish chris good luck for me. And maybe once i get my degree haha. It went alright, how bout yours?


Me (9:29 PM): so I told Chris what you’d said, he’s in tears but he agrees. I should hire you as my therapist how was the rest of your day -Me

Tracy (9:34 PM): Awh, he should def talk it out . & it was good, just went to a psych lecture hby?


Notice how levels of investment vary by girl, but my initial text baits them into investing in a long response. This is a huge first step forward in the seduction process.

Game on brother!

---

(04-20-2012 12:23 PM)Chaos Wrote:  What I do when I took the way of texting before calling, is exchange some text and build a little momentum. Then I'll just send a message saying "I hate all this texting, I'm calling you right now" ... and then call her without waiting for her to answer.

If she answers great, if she doesn't because she's busy she'll usually answer with another text explaining that and you can go back to texting or teasing her or whatever.

Solid advice. This is similar to what I do.

Remember, girls are emotional! Momentum is key!

[SeXyBaCk]

I'm starting to get the hang of this. Text to call! All that's needed now is a catchy jingle. Then I say we go regional, local area networks before going national. BIG TIME. Text to call! I get it! I totally get it now. Don't you get it?

Fuckin' Chris' face must be messed up after all them tears. Deserves a medal that guy. Text 2 Call, like that. Yeah. Solid. It's done.

[baller08]

Come on Sexyback. What Mace is doing has a place in these guy's development. It's part of the emotional and fun process for women and he's giving them that.

Guys like Oldguy and men in his situation...."You're cute" and talking about where they're from will never get them more than a one word text response. They've got to start to have conversations that actually have some interest to women.

The responses that Mace posted, you can take those and go 10 different ways with them that is fun, engaging, and NOT BORING for the girl.

I honestly don't get you guys. Saying, "Hi, your boots look cute, you don't look like you're from around here" is a routine. Getting into where she lives and what she does....it's a routine! It's a boring routine that every guy does, but it's a routine.

You do know that when you say, "No routines at all, just say what comes to your mind" is equally as retarded as the PUA guys who say "Just say your routines and you'll get every woman", right? It's two sides of the same narrow minded coin.

[playmaker001]

Oldguy, it really doesn't matter. If a girl texts you back she's invested some of her time for you in just bothering to reply. I take that as she likes you somewhat. If she ignores your texts, then she probably doesn't. No amount of "phone game" is going to change that. A girl knows just as quickly as we do if they're attracted to someone or not. The only thing you can do is make you and your lifestyle as attractive as possible, and even then some chicks won't bite. Don't waste your time on petty shit. From Mace's texts some good things you can get out of it are leading the convo, asking open ended questions, reminding them of your initial interaction without sounding needy (all things you should do in real life as well). However, there's nothing magic about what he does. He's not going to reduce flakes in "phone game" by doing any extra shit. If you've done all the stuff I listed above, in your texts, if she's into it you'll set up a date, but that choice is entirely up to her and nothing you say will change her mind.

[Matty]

You clearly need the Dennis System: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QZuOKUrwoys

[Thor]

Alot of thought provoking replies to my question thankyou. I am alittle confused playmaker tells me that if she invests time in responding then assume she likes you but someone else says something completely different.

Will focus on texting the girl first then calling in the future thanks. If she replies I will assume that she has some interest in me and will continue to pursue her until she doesnt respond.

[Chaos]

(04-21-2012 10:58 AM)Oldguy Wrote:  Alot of thought provoking replies to my question thankyou. I am alittle confused playmaker tells me that if she invests time in responding then assume she likes you but someone else says something completely different.

Will focus on texting the girl first then calling in the future thanks. If she replies I will assume that she has some interest in me and will continue to pursue her until she doesnt respond.

What kind of mindset is that? That's the complete opposite of "assuming she likes you". Don't overthink it, text her, call her if you want, try to get a date and whatever happens keep doing what you're doing, if she doesn't answer move on, if she does answer talk to her and ask her out. Just don't overthink it and do not push too much pressure on yourself to get results, keep your options open.

[Thor]

Chaos this might seem a silly question. From reading your posts you appear to have considerable experience with dating and seducing girls.

What exactly is your mindset when you approach, date and seduce a girl ?. What was your mindset when you first began learning about how to meet girls ?

(04-21-2012 12:41 PM)Chaos Wrote:  

(04-21-2012 10:58 AM)Oldguy Wrote:  Alot of thought provoking replies to my question thankyou. I am alittle confused playmaker tells me that if she invests time in responding then assume she likes you but someone else says something completely different.

Will focus on texting the girl first then calling in the future thanks. If she replies I will assume that she has some interest in me and will continue to pursue her until she doesnt respond.

What kind of mindset is that? That's the complete opposite of "assuming she likes you". Don't overthink it, text her, call her if you want, try to get a date and whatever happens keep doing what you're doing, if she doesn't answer move on, if she does answer talk to her and ask her out. Just don't overthink it and do not push too much pressure on yourself to get results, keep your options open.

[Chaos]

I don't have "considerable" experience. I just have experience. I was just pointing out how incoherent was to say you'll assume she has interest and then point out you will pursue her until "she doesn't respond". You are not even taking into consideration that she might actually like you.

I don't think mindset can be just adopted, you kind of develop it over time, still you can fake it or try to by reminding yourself about your good traits. You seem like a guy who's gone through a lot of stuff, and I'm betting you are actually pretty confident in a lot of other areas in your life that do not deal with women.

I'm not suggesting you keep reminding yourself all that, because that didn't work for me, I could repeat my self a thousand times how good I was in other areas and still feel nervous when I approached a girl, hell I still get nervous. But what I had completely clear in my mind back then and I still have is that I was a great guy to get to know once I was given the chance to actually show myself. So work on that, if you don't think that way (and you should given the bits you've written here from your life), make a list, repeat it every day... But try to understand you're a person worth knowing... Maybe to for every girl, but certainly for a lot of them.

[Thor]

Chaos I think you struck home there. When you said remind yourself of your good traits thanks mate

(04-21-2012 09:56 PM)Chaos Wrote:  I don't have "considerable" experience. I just have experience. I was just pointing out how incoherent was to say you'll assume she has interest and then point out you will pursue her until "she doesn't respond". You are not even taking into consideration that she might actually like you.

I don't think mindset can be just adopted, you kind of develop it over time, still you can fake it or try to by reminding yourself about your good traits. You seem like a guy who's gone through a lot of stuff, and I'm betting you are actually pretty confident in a lot of other areas in your life that do not deal with women.

I'm not suggesting you keep reminding yourself all that, because that didn't work for me, I could repeat my self a thousand times how good I was in other areas and still feel nervous when I approached a girl, hell I still get nervous. But what I had completely clear in my mind back then and I still have is that I was a great guy to get to know once I was given the chance to actually show myself. So work on that, if you don't think that way (and you should given the bits you've written here from your life), make a list, repeat it every day... But try to understand you're a person worth knowing... Maybe to for every girl, but certainly for a lot of them.

[Halo Effect]

(04-19-2012 11:26 PM)Jon Wrote:  because it is a transparently annoying tactic, that if a girl used on me would cause me to not respond to texts.

Oh, and Oldguy, if you hit voicemail ALWAYS leave a message.

Interesting. I can count the times I've left messages on someone's voicemail on one hand. In my life that is. I have never left a girl a message on her voicemail, I think.

If I had to give advice, I'd tell Oldguy not to leave a message, because I feel like people don't really do that anymore?

(Edit: This probably falls under the header of "Doesn't matter" and "Don't over-analyse". )