Strategies That Will Ensure Your Failures

[baller08]

Men today spend a lot of time, energy, and money in an attempt to be able to date beautiful women. As a result it is very common for men to be in a constant search for that silver bullet or that one BEST STRATEGY that will unlock the mysteries of dating women. We have said time and time again that there is no such thing.

I have found that most men deploy 1 of 3 strategies that will all but ensure their continued struggles with women. Before we get into the strategies, I would like to first offer some definitions:

Mindset

- Understanding women's attraction processes and psychology
- Removing the "nice guy" brain washing
- Removing your shame in what you want as a man
- Removing your limiting beliefs about yourself
- Overcoming your irrational fears and anxieties about women
- Developing true self worth and self esteem

Approach

- Good body language when talking to women
- Good facial expression when talking to women
- Good tonality when talking to women
- Having interesting, challenging, and entertaining topics of conversations
- Knowing how to talk to a group of women (2 or more)
- Good social awareness on saying the right thing at the right time (calibration)
- Knowing when to physically escalate
- Knowing how to have a normal conversation
- Being genuinely interested in what a woman is sharing with you during a conversation

Lifestyle

- Dressing well
- Being physically fit
- Having interesting hobbies
- Getting a good education
- Having a good career
- Having financial security
- Having good friends
- Knowledgable about fun places to go in his city/town
- Well traveled or interested in traveling
- Well read

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3 Common Strategies

Men are most likely going to deploy 1 of the 3 strategies below. Each strategy will offer a different type of negative result(s).




A man deploying a "Mindset Centric" strategy will display the following factors:

1. Analysis Paralysis. He will read a ton of books on dating and self improvement, post on a bunch of forums, and talk to other men, but he will very rarely approach women.

2. A man deploying this strategy will know a ton of principles and theories on what they're SUPPOSED to do but will not know how to EXECUTE on any of them because he lacks actual EXPERIENCE.

3. He will have done very little to improve his lifestyle and "background" work.

4. Often times even though he spends a lot of time learning about attraction principles, he will still not do the most important mental work of all, which is his own self worth as a man.

Results: This man will end up confused with the enormous amount of seemingly conflicting information in his head. He will make himself even more anxious in actually talking to women. Often times the man ends up just as alone as before he started reading about women and dating.





A man deploying an "Approach Centric" strategy will display the following factors:

1. He will talk to many women but will experience mostly rejections. Women will often say to him, "I have a boyfriend" or smile and say, "Thank you" and leave.

2. He may get numbers but they will be non-responsive to texts and calls. He will rarely get them out on a date or be able to generate any romantic or sexual interest.

3. He will experience a lot of flaking even when women agree to a date.

4. He is only focused on dating being a "numbers game" with no understanding of how women's attraction processes really work. Even if he has read a few books, he has not absorbed any of the principles about female psychology.

5. He has not done any work on his own insecurities, limiting beliefs, or fears. As a result, his vibe repels most women in all of his approaches.

6. He may spend hours at a public venue only to approach 2 women.

7. He will usually lack sexual vibe in his interactions with women.

8. Often times, even though he is heavily focused on approaching, he has not really developed a solid and polished routine to be able to generate even minimal attraction.

Results: This man will end up very frustrated because he feels that he has to approach hundreds of women to get one date. It takes a huge toll on his pride and self worth. Eventually this inefficiency will lead him to either give up or simply take what comes along.







A man deploying a "Lifestyle Centric" strategy will display the following factors:

1) He will expect that having education, money, and being fit should mean that women automatically should just have sex with him.

2) He will be very frustrated that men who he deems less of a "catch" than he is are able to date women that he cannot.

3) He will have interesting hobbies, but he will still not be able to date the type of women he really wants.

4) He will usually have no problems getting phone numbers and going on the first couple of dates, but will struggle when it comes to sex and having a girlfriend.

5) He will have very little understanding of what women emotionally need to feel sexual and romantic attraction for a man.

6) He will not know how to talk to women in such a way where she will be intriqued by him. He believes that he should just be able to show up and women should be approaching him.

7) He will feel that his only value is monetary.

8) Often times even though he is focused on having a good lifestyle, he will spend a lot of time being very lathargic in most areas of his life. He leans more talking about what he is "going to do" rather than what he has done.

Results: This man will end up with a heavy entitlement complex and will come across very bitter and resentful at women for not wanting him.

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Men who do not approach their issues with women from a holistic standpoint will end up:

1) Angry with women.

2) Feeling horrible about themselves.

3) Taking any attractive woman that comes along, which will usually lead to a relationship based on Desperation.

Obviously the most healthy and effective method would be a strategy that balances all 3 areas equally. In the beginning this is a lot of work. Most men are lazy and don't want to put in the time. However, the irony is that if you put in the work up front, eventually each of the 3 areas will feed the other and the whole process actually becomes easier.

http://baller08.blogspot.com/2012/05/strategies.html

[Guyintheback]

Sorry to disrupt the thread, but wasn't sure where to ask this:

Why was baller08 banned? I hope this is just a mistake, I'd be sad not to read from him again.

[Mark]

My spam filter banned him automatically. Not sure why. It's happened to a couple of other members. I unbanned him.

[baller08]

Mark is being kind. He banned me for constantly trying to sell him Viagra. I have since apologized.

[seele]

How do you approach issues with women in holistic way?

[baller08]

(05-17-2012 09:40 PM)seele Wrote:  How do you approach issues with women in holistic way?

By doing what you've been doing as we discussed in your thread HERE, Seele.

You learning how to dress better, taking on more interesting hobbies, etc is the Lifestyle portion of the pie. You reading Mark's book, posting on here and working out some of the confusions in your mind is the Mindset portion. You meeting women and learning what type of women best fits with your current perception of a relationship is the Approach part.

Your Mindset still needs some work based on our conversations from the last thread but I think you're starting to understanding the concepts of being attractive to a wider range of women. And of course Chaos and Sexyback addressed your original question pretty well.

1 or 2 portion of the pie may need more work than the other depending on where you are in life. The important thing is to make sure you're consistently measuring all 3 areas and giving it appropriate attention. Most guys want to just "get this handled" and get a girlfriend/wife and be done with it. That's not how it works.

I haven't interacted with you too much, but from the last thread it seems you have a pretty good balance going, but only you can be honest about that.

[Trickster]

Not sure what's wrong with being nice (not being a Nice Guy™ but actually being kind) and not sure what the problem with finding a good girlfriend an "retiring" from the game is. That's the goal, at least for me.

[baller08]

(05-17-2012 11:08 PM)Trickster Wrote:  Not sure what's wrong with being nice (not being a Nice Guy™ but actually being kind) and not sure what the problem with finding a good girlfriend an "retiring" from the game is. That's the goal, at least for me.

Nothing wrong with being kind, decent, good manners, etc. I'm assuming that everyone knows what I mean by "nice guy" when talking in the dating context (ie: nice guys pretty much always comes with neediness, etc etc).

Men should not differentiate their responsibility to maintain being an attractive man between being single vs being in a relationship. This is where a huge majority of marriages go wrong. Men stop being attractive and they stop dating their mates. They stop "feeding" the relationship and her emotional needs. Then they find themselves single and put all sorts of work into themselves again and get that "Shit I'm rusty" feeling.

A man should never "retire" anymore than it's ok for a woman to gain a lot of weight in a relationship because that's her way of "retiring" too. We know how we feel if that happens.

But anyway, my statement above is geared towards guys who only want to do the bare minimum to get a girlfriend and then proceed into a relationship of desperation, as I laid out in my blog post.

Obviously there is nothing wrong with the goal of getting into a solid relationship with a good woman. That is after all one of the major purposes of this journey.

[Trickster]

(05-18-2012 12:06 AM)baller08 Wrote:  

(05-17-2012 11:08 PM)Trickster Wrote:  Not sure what's wrong with being nice (not being a Nice Guy™ but actually being kind) and not sure what the problem with finding a good girlfriend an "retiring" from the game is. That's the goal, at least for me.

Nothing wrong with being kind, decent, good manners, etc. I'm assuming that everyone knows what I mean by "nice guy" when talking in the dating context (ie: nice guys pretty much always comes with neediness, etc etc).

Men should not differentiate their responsibility to maintain being an attractive man between being single vs being in a relationship. This is where a huge majority of marriages go wrong. Men stop being attractive and they stop dating their mates. They stop "feeding" the relationship and her emotional needs. Then they find themselves single and put all sorts of work into themselves again and get that "Shit I'm rusty" feeling.

A man should never "retire" anymore than it's ok for a woman to gain a lot of weight in a relationship because that's her way of "retiring" too. We know how we feel if that happens.

But anyway, my statement above is geared towards guys who only want to do the bare minimum to get a girlfriend and then proceed into a relationship of desperation, as I laid out in my blog post.

Obviously there is nothing wrong with the goal of getting into a solid relationship with a good woman. That is after all one of the major purposes of this journey.

Ok, when you put it that way I totally agree. We should never stop trying to improve ourselves and I know many women who end up breaking up with their boyfriends because their boyfriends lack purpose and have resorted to leading a stagnant life. And I agree with you on the "nice" part as well - I think that both Nice Guys™ and PUAs resort to the false-Nice Guy/Jerk dichotomy and become two sides of an f'd up coin.

[Swimmer]

Great post baller!

Can't wait for the follow up.

[seele]

Thanks for the answer. It's easy to measure lifestyle and approach parts. How do I measure mindset improvement?

[baller08]

(05-19-2012 12:17 PM)seele Wrote:  Thanks for the answer. It's easy to measure lifestyle and approach parts. How do I measure mindset improvement?

You're right that Lifestyle and Approach is a little more measurable. Mindset is the most complicated because it involves pass fears and baggage that some guys may not even know they have unless they do a lot of education and self awareness.

However, a good way to measure your progress is asking yourself how much fear and anxieties you feel throughout your life. You'll know you're improveing when you fear women less, when you feel like you know what to do in a given situation, when you're no longer afraid to speak your mind, when you no longer feel anxiety when you tell someone "no" when you don't want to do something.

But above all, the best way to measure your mindset improvement is when you are by yourself, is your thoughts about yourself and your life mostly positive or negative? Studies have shown time and time again that successful people have a higher percentage of positive thoughts about themselves while people who aren't happy with their life think mostly negative thoughts about themselves.

I don't know your specific mindset challenges, but you know them. How you end up thinking about them is your compass in how far you've improved.

[Aloft1]

Baller, man you keep it real like always.

I wanted to ask you about this post because I've been experiencing what you've defined as the 'approach-centric' guy issue, mainly:

Quote:3. He will experience a lot of flaking even when women agree to a date.
4. He is only focused on dating being a "numbers game" with no understanding of how women's attraction processes really work. Even if he has read a few books, he has not absorbed any of the principles about female psychology.
5. He has not done any work on his own insecurities, limiting beliefs, or fears. As a result, his vibe repels most women in all of his approaches.
6. He may spend hours at a public venue only to approach 2 women.
7. He will usually lack sexual vibe in his interactions with women.

Results: This man will end up very frustrated because he feels that he has to approach hundreds of women to get one date. It takes a huge toll on his pride and self worth. Eventually this inefficiency will lead him to either give up or simply take what comes along.

The answer is probably obvious, but I feel like I've got my lifestyle mainly covered (the job, fitness, hobbies) + mindset (I've come a long way in how I see myself). Yet the above still happens and threatens to derail me because of the frustration attached to girls stringing me along for weeks while I try to get a date.