Spikes journal/FR

[Spikes]

Alright guys I'm kind of confused and need some help with this one. So last night I went to a friend's party. I go downstairs and there is this girl, let's call her Dani, who I haven't seen in a long time because she was abroad. So I greet her and ask her how her trip was. We continue to talk for a little bit and I'm not really sure how this came up but we had a little role playing where we were engaged. So for the whole night whenever people came up to us we would introduce ourselves as being engaged.

We were holding hands, hugging, we even had a maid of honor and a best man. So eventually I remembered if I wanted any progress to happen I would have to eventually isolate her. So towards the end of the party I ask her if she wanted to come to another party with me (I knew of another one a block from where we were) she agreed and brought one friend let's call her jenn and I brought a friend , let's call him jack. Before we left I got one of my friends to bum a cigarette (I do this when I'm drunk) I try to stop because I'm trying to quit. Anyways she sees me smoking the cigarette and asks for a drag. So I was like "no way I didn't know my fiancé smokes?!?!?". She said she only does it when she's drunk. So at first I play keep away with the cigarette then play off the engagement thing we had and said "I want to do this right". So I get down on one knee and propose to her with the cigarette lol.

After that we get to the party that I knew about it turned out that the party was a bust so jenn,jack, and dani wanted to leave and go to the bar. I however wanted to stay for a bit. So I told them that I would catch up with them at the bar. But before they went I pulled Dani aside and said something like "we're engaged but we haven't kissed yet, we should fix that". Then she said something like "I'm not like that" and turned her cheek and told me to kiss her there. So then I responded by saying something like "how bout you kiss me on the cheek instead". It then turned into a stalemate and it just never happened. my friend jack was like "come on lets go!" so I said again I would catch up, this is when jack gave me the weirdest look and I had no idea why. so I hung out at the party for a little bit then decided to head to the bar but it turned out that I stayed at the party for too long so I never caught up. then my friend jack called me to post game at another house so I headed over there.

As soon as I got in the door I was greeted with a "Wtf where you thinking/ doing? why didn't you come to the bar with us?" in regard to Dani so I was like "well I tried and she seemed like she wasn't interested". So then jack and another friend were like "dude you where her first pick tonight" Which confused me even more.

If she was so interested why didn't she go for me trying to kiss her the first time? Also if its true I was her first pick did I give up too easily? The next day I messaged her and said something like "we had a great engagement last night" she responded with "I agree, I hope I get to see my fiancé again soon". I think that means that I have a second shot but I'm not sure. I do know however that I'm going to see her again this week. So does anyone have any advice for what I could have done better? so I don't screw up this week lol.

[shadow]

That FR made me cringe. Maybe I'm older than you?

You stayed in a make believe world with this girl instead of truly opening up. Next time try being real. It may be hard because it is difficult to make yourself vulnerable. But that is what creates fulfilling relationships.

[Tim]

Yes you definitely have a second shot with this girl. She's attracted to you, but obviously doesn't feel like she's connected with you beyond flirting and banter. Do you know her well? From what you wrote it seems like you barely know anything about each other. Not that that's a necessity for a connection, but when you use the term 'isolate' it seems likely it's not there.

Next time you see her, just focus on getting to know each other. From the chemistry you seem to already have the kiss, etc should come naturally from there.

[SeXyBaCk]

How about instead of raking your brain over this you just call or message her and ask her out for tonight?

[Spikes]

Wow this forum never ceases to amaze me you guys picked up on it in like .2 seconds and literally smacked me with the hammer of truth lol. @shadow maybe, I'm 21 I meant the role playing to be flirting but your right I wasn't being real. @Tim its hilarious that you say all this because it makes complete sense now that I think about it. I don't know her that well. Actually I met her last year but I've never made too much of an effort to know her, mainly because she went abroad shortly after I had the chance to get to know her. Throughout the night she would slip things into the conversation, such as what her full first name was (people call her by her nick name). Then she asked what my last name was and immediately guessed what nationality I was. I was pretty impressed at the time but didn't think much of it. This is definitely something about game that I haven't really understood. I have never really understood how a girl can find you attractive but wouldn't want to hook up with you. here is my hypothesis:
when they make a connection with you they feel like your making an effort and feel comfortable hooking up with you because they feel safe because they feel like they know you in a sense?
@SeXyBaCk well I know that I'm going to see her at another party later this week so I figured I would prepare this time. But also I'm scared shitless because the party is convenient and other than that I would have no idea of where to hang out with her date wise... any ideas? Also In the back of my head I have this weird anxiety that tells me that if I try to ask her out its going to fail lol.

[Vytas80]

The whole point of vulnerability is showing your true self. Not about being perfect, but about being imperfect and being ok with that. The more mental work and planning you will do for your next meeting strategy, the less authentic you will actually be. Sad but true.

From the lenght of the post I see you care about this girl. There is nothing wrong with that. If I were you I would ask her our to meet 1-to-1. Yes she may decline, she may even reject you all together - and that's the point. Being the real man it's about taking risks, it's about doing something even when there is no guarantees. And that makes you beautiful.

[SeXyBaCk]

Oh boy. By the sound of it she likes you and wants to see you again. Why subject yourself to a week of waiting if you're interested in her? Do you have her number? Dial it, ask if she wants to get coffee later in the day. Otherwise walk over to her dorm or wherever she's at. If she's busy which is unlikely but interested she'll suggest a different time. Okay, yes maybe she'll say "hell no dude". At least then you know where you stand. It doesn't actually matter where you go on a date, if the weathers nice go for a walk, to the park to the museum, to a cafe. Seeing her at some party is not a date. You want to be alone with her so you can speak in private and get to know each other.

Stop asking question and dial the number already. You're procrastinating and you know it. You're not scared shitless, you're excited. Women are just as shy as guys, that's why they sometimes hesitate to hook up. She's shy. Just call her.

[Tim]

(06-04-2012 07:02 AM)Spikes Wrote:  I don't know her that well. Actually I met her last year but I've never made too much of an effort to know her, mainly because she went abroad shortly after I had the chance to get to know her. Throughout the night she would slip things into the conversation, such as what her full first name was (people call her by her nick name). Then she asked what my last name was and immediately guessed what nationality I was. I was pretty impressed at the time but didn't think much of it.

Yes, so she definitely was trying to get to actually know you better. Just talking about yourselves was the best thing you could do at that point.

(06-04-2012 07:02 AM)Spikes Wrote:  I have never really understood how a girl can find you attractive but wouldn't want to hook up with you. here is my hypothesis:
when they make a connection with you they feel like your making an effort and feel comfortable hooking up with you because they feel safe because they feel like they know you in a sense?

Because most girls want to feel a connection to someone before they hook up, and even those who don't are worried about being judged, either by you or by other people. Your hypothesis here is a start, but you're still off by a bit. She doesn't give a damn if you make 'an effort', it's about whether that 'effort' is showing your real self, and because you actually want to know her. It's all about intent, which is what you've missed until now. Girls feel 'safe' with you when they know you want to hook up with them beyond just finding them attractive. This is something you can't fake.

(06-04-2012 07:02 AM)Spikes Wrote:  But also I'm scared shitless because the party is convenient and other than that I would have no idea of where to hang out with her date wise... any ideas?

If she wants to spend time with you, she'll pretty much go on any date with her. I'd base it around a fun activity that can take some pressure off of you to always be making conversation, but if you wanted to it could just be coffee, or even just a walk around a park or something. If a girl likes you, she'll say yes to those too.

(06-04-2012 07:02 AM)Spikes Wrote:  Also In the back of my head I have this weird anxiety that tells me that if I try to ask her out its going to fail lol.

This is actually the root of your problems with this girl. Like many guys (including myself), you feel like when you've got a girl laughing at your jokes and flirting back with you that you've 'won' something. You don't want to 'risk' making a move on her that might expose your fear of losing that, such as asking her on a date or opening up and just talking about yourself. You can go for the kiss because it makes you feel like you're still the confident player guy, but anything that means showing her how attracted and invested in her you are is frightening. The entire PUA industry was built on this fear.

It's bullshit though. There is nothing to lose except the opportunity for an amazing experience with this girl. She already told you she's not going to hook up with you if you don't make her feel like she's in some way special to you. So you're not going to get far with her without showing her you're invested in her, and that you actually care. And even if you could hide that from her all the way to getting her to sleep with you, the experience isn't going to be anywhere near as fulfilling as if you did. Opening up who you are really to her, and having her do the same to you, will turn the experience into a whole new ball game.

[Spikes]

Well this is what happened. I texted her to try and get her to hang out with me today at this park. and this is how it went:
me: hey are you in A county today?
her: yeah I'm in A sup?
me: we should hang out today!
her: oh cool where?
me: have you ever been to this park before? I like walking there sometimes when it's nice out, and there's other stuff to do there too.
her: oh yeah I live in B so its not really that close. but I've been doing errand type stuff in D all day.
me: I could pick you up. its too nice of a day to do errands lol.

1hr and 14 mins later . . . . .
her: aw maybe not today. I'm meeting with a friend when i'm finally done with stuff. are you living in A or E this summer?
me: alright that's cool. I'm in A for the first half of summer then E the other half.
her: gotcha

Mind you each response took sooo agonizingly long. I should have knew that was an L sign from the beginning. Plus I've had soooo many texts just like this one in my time doing this that I should have sensed this one a mile away. Oh well back to the drawing board, but I'm just so sick of this type of pattern I swear I'm an expert at rejection at this point haha

[Paul]

I feel your pain, Spikes. The more I date the more I realize I can't hope for anything positive more than 1 second into the future. When something positive happens though, I'm grateful for it. Having absolutely zero hopes for the future is the only way to survive dating women.

[Tim]

Self-fulfilling prophecy man. Why do you think just because she couldn't hang out this ONE time she doesn't like you?

I suggest you wait until you see her again like you mentioned you were going to. Enjoy your time with her, open up, and let it happen. Just... relax.

[Creatine Dreams]

At least you are getting out there, Spikes. And you will get better.

[Spikes]

Haha @paul yeah its like the biggest mind fuck when you think things are going your way and they don't it happens way to often. @Tim yeah I tend to do that a lot I hate it. I already go in thinking that I'm going to screw up then add that with giving up at the slightest sign of friction, then feeling really bad about giving up so easily and that's pretty much my dating life haha. I'll try again with her though thanks for keeping me rational lol. @Creatine Dreams thanks man I hope so this pain period stuff needs to be over like yesterday.

[shadow]

Spikes, hit on more girls ASAP. You have negative thoughts and outcome dependence with one girl because you don't have options. Flirt with more girls in your social circle or cold approach girls, whatever. Find a way to have other girls you are excited about. Otherwise you'll end up micro-analyzing your interactions with this one girl and kill your chances.

[Spikes]

@shadow yeah I'm working on that. I was pretty negative yesterday. It normally happens when I feel like I fucked up but I'm more level headed now. And I'll post about what happened with her on the weekend.

[Spikes]

*LONG POST*
First off I think I'm going to turn this into a field report journal, mainly because I feel like telling you guys what I'm doing reduces my learning curve and gives me motivation to go out and do them. So here's what happened last night. while I was working out at the gym, my friend asked me if I was going to my college town that night. I said no because I knew that I was going to go there the next day (friday) because my friend was turning 21 and I was going to see her and Dani. Also while I was at the gym there was this girl with a really tight body and a really cute face. Lately I've had a problem with approaching so whenever I have something in my mind that tells me not to talk to a girl I go talk to her. Because of this I walked straight to her and told her she looked pretty today. She looked at me and gave me the biggest smile and said thank you. I didn't try to push the interaction so I left after that.

When I got back home I was hanging out for a little bit when I got a text from Dani:
Dani: Are you going to A county tonight??
Honestly I was very surprised to get this text so I didn’t know what to do. At first I thought I’m going to my friend's birthday tomorrow I’ll see here then, no need to see her now. So I responded:
Me: not tonight. I'll be there tomorrow for Jenna's thing. Are you?
She then responded with:
Dani: Jenna's thing is next week!
Dani: Yeah I'll be there tonight
I checked facebook and her party was in fact next week. So since I had no plans for the weekend anymore I texted her back:
Me: Wow great catch! that would have sucked lol. What are you doing tonight?
Dani: Dunno going out!

From there I didn’t know where to go with this but I figured I should see her tonight. However I had the longest debate in my mind about seeing her because I didn’t want to seem needy or desperate by dropping all my plans to try and see her. But then I figured I’ve never been in this situation before so I decided to use this as a learning experience and find out for myself. So I checked out what my other friends were doing at the college I went to and planned on going down there. When I figured out what I was going to do I texted her:

Me: Sounds good I think I'm gonna come down now and go to the bars. You should come!
From there I got no response. At first I was freaking out and thinking that I made a big mistake by dropping everything and coming down. It was even worse because by the time I got ready and went down to my college (1hr 30 mins in total) she still hadn’t responded. But then I figured to myself that she wasn’t interested because she would have responded immediately. So I decided I would just enjoy my time and hang out at the bar and maybe meet some other girl.

So by this time I was at the bar hanging out with people, still pretty sober. And I was talking to someone when I see Dani and Jenn walking into the bar and Dani’s eyes met mine. I waved and she smiled and came over to me. She said “Hi fiancé!”. I took her hand kissed it and said "hey fiancé". I figured she was still interested if she was still doing the fiancé thing so I decided to make it a point to show her that I wanted to know her better. First I dropped some things that she told me about herself into our conversation to show that I cared to remember them. Then I started asking her questions about her going abroad, then I asked her questions about where she went to high school. it turned out she went to private school so I tried to ask her what her experience was. Then out of nowhere she asked "are you pretending to get to know me?" I was taken aback by this question because I didn't expect it also I thought she wanted me to get to know her (and I did genuinely want to get to know her) so I told her that I did want to get to know her.

Soon after this Jenn came back. and started talking to Dani. to be honest that whole interaction and conversation was pretty awkward. I don't know I have waves where I can talk to just about anyone about anything but then other times I will feel really awkward and try to think of things to talk about and they just don't come (this was one of those times) because Dani was talking to Jenn and I was just standing there I figured that I screwed it up and chalked it up to not being compatible and told her that I was going the down stairs part of the bar, expecting to not talk to her for the rest of the night.

So I go downstairs and start hanging out with my friends again. There was this other girl that I knew who I found pretty attractive but the problem was that she was pretty drunk. normally I would try to hook up with her but she was too drunk and I would feel like I was taking advantage. She tried to dance with me but I ended up entertaining her for a few minutes instead. this whole thing went on for about 10 minutes then Dani came downstairs to hang out with me again. I was really confused by this because I thought that I screwed up. in any case the conversation went a little better, mainly because I was a little more drunk this time lol. But then this dude she knows comes up and she starts talking to her. I decided it wasn't that big of a deal and saw my friend jack talking to a few girls we met a while back. It also included this really hot red headed girl. I talked to the hot girl for a while until the girls said they had to go to the bathroom.

at this point me and jack went outside to hang out for a little bit, and we started talking about the girls we were trying to get with. I was talking about how I was interested in Dani and he told me I should go for it still. He told me while I was talking to the hot girl she kept on looking at me. after this jack and I decide to go after our respective girls. problem was I couldn't find her and I decided I would just hang out at the bar for a bit but then she texted me and this was the exchange:

Dani: you done for the night?
So I still figured that she was interested so i texted:
Me: No where are you?
Dani: I left to take my friend home were at the towers
Me: Aw come back I got a cig with your name on it!
Dani: Haha I don't smoke fiancé! Hehehe
Me: Come hang out with me!
Dani: Okay!
Dani: You still at the bar?
Me: Yessir

so after that she back to the bar with Jenn and I figured she had to be interested if she is still texting me so talk some but then another guy she knew comes and starts talking to her. so I end up dancing with Jenn, but not seriously. Then the guy leaves and Jenn says she has to go to the bathroom and tells Dani to stay with me, which I saw as a good sign. so then me and Dani talk, but then this other girl, I used to be interested in but are just friends now, saw me from across the room and beckoned me to dance with her. I told Dani I would be back in a minutes (now writing this I realize I'm an Idiot and should have just stayed with her). So I dance with the girl and when I come back Dani is nowhere to be seen. so I text her:

Me: Where'd you go?
Dani: Uh I'm walking to frat cause my friend wants to chill there I hope it's not Weird!
Dani: Let's chill
after she texts me she then calls me:
***************************************
Dani: where are you?
me: I'm at my friends house
Dani: i'm walking towards *this frat house* can you meet me there?
me: sure I'm' be there soon
**********************************************
So I meet her there and we start walking back to the house I was at but this time arm in arm. We start talking about music. I talk about how much I love drake she starts talking about how lame he is overall it was good time. I figured that I should try to make a move again so instead of walking arm in arm I try to take her hand so we would walk hand in hand instead. she wasn't having it. (I was thinking so you'll walk arm in arm with me but not hand in hand?) but anyways we get back to the house. A group of us were just talking then one of my friends who was pretty drunk layed down on the couch she was sitting on and she told him to put his head on her lap. for some reason (probably because I was drunk) I got ticked off about it and I figured she was fucking with me so I got up told everyone I was leaving then left.
a few seconds later she texted:

Dani: Yo you didn't even say bye
Dani: where do you live
I didnt respond for a few minutes because I was annoyed but finally texted her:
me: *silly name for my house I was sleeping at*
Dani: lol wut
me: That's the house name.
Dani: You're so asleep
me: Nope I'm carrying my bead from the chapter house

(I just recently got the lease for the house that I'm living in and some of my stuff was in the old place that I lived in which is a block away so I went to get my matress and put in the new house so I could sleep there)
after I texted her I got no response. I just thought I would share what ended up happening with this girl I still think I have a shot with her but in general I'm a mess with this girl. I dunno what she wants and I don't know what to do with her lol.

[Pineapple]

I'll preface by saying I'm certainly not the most experienced guy on the forum, but this stuck out to me:

(06-08-2012 07:17 PM)Spikes Wrote:  Then the guy leaves and Jenn says she has to go to the bathroom and tells Dani to stay with me, which I saw as a good sign. so then me and Dani talk, but then this other girl, I used to be interested in but are just friends now, saw me from across the room and beckoned me to dance with her. I told Dani I would be back in a minutes (now writing this I realize I'm an Idiot and should have just stayed with her). So I dance with the girl and when I come back Dani is nowhere to be seen.

What exactly was your reasoning for abandoning her here? You said she seemed interested, you're obviously interested, and yet you drop her in an instant when you have an opportunity to escalate.

Is it possible you have some level of sexual anxiety? That you're subconsciously avoiding scenarios where things move beyond dancing, cheek kissing, etc?

[Spikes]

I didn't mean to abandon her I meant to say hi to the girl that I knew but not for long. But when I thought about it, and still think about it, I was being an idiot because if it was the other way around I would have left too lol. But trust me I don't have any sexual anxiety, if anything I have a jealousy problem, and a fear of hurt (I realized it after this weekend).

[Vytas80]

It seems to me that both of you (Spikes and Dani) keep sending mixed signals to each other. On and off. You flirt and banter with each other and yet you both still havent connected emotionaly. Basically you are playing games.

Also you have spent your last two evenings together partying around bars with loud music, alcohol and other people involved so you risk to become one of her drink buddies (that is technicaly a friendzone). I think that you still have a shot with this girl, but you need to gamble and push things forward. Ask her out on a date. Spent 2-3 hours just you two without other distractions. Get to know each other. If the vibe is good, go for kiss.

[Drewid]

Totally agree.

I've blown a lot of opportunities in the past by not paying attention when I should be. I've also made things work by really focusing on someone even when my inner critic said I was overdoing it.

I have a friend whose whole strategy with women was to dominate them with (non-needy) attention. His attitude was that if you let them know that you want them intensely, they'll give in. Worked great for him.

Either way, it seems to me you just need to give her your full attention and then put the moves on her. I'm guessing you'll be happy with the results as she's clearly attracted.

[Spikes]

@Vytas80 and @Drewid you guys are right I'm going to see her this friday and I'm going to seriously focus and not let my inner voice screw me over again. I'll tell you guys what happens after then. In better news I'm probably going to have a different date sometime next week and I'll post about that too.

[Spikes]

So it had been 3 days since I've approached a girl. Because I feel too weird about going out of my way to meet girls, I try to find them during my everyday life. The places I normally meet women are at my college, at the gym, and finally the park outside of gym (which incidentally is the perfect place to take a girl on a date). I'm trying to do the desensitizing approach to improve, so everyday my plan has been to approach 1 girl a day by saying something like "I think your pretty" thus far I've had good responses. However the issue is that up until recently I've had zero motivation to approach which my inner voice has had a major role in. To help solve this problem I've gone on marks no porn diet. I started on Sunday and haven't felt the effects until today. However despite this I still haven't had enough mental strength to approach until today.

today I went to the gym, (which is where I have decided to do the most approaches just because its where I see girls the most). and for the past 3 days I have seen a girl that I wanted to talk to but my inner voice constricted me. it had gotten to the point where I feel bad when I don't approach (which is actually where I want to be) however today was the last straw. at the gym there was this very sexy brunette with a great body and blue eyes. I kept telling myself "don't think. approach!" Sadly, I did not miss this opportunity not once, twice, but three times. It was as if the universe was taunting me and my ideology of I'll talk to her the next time she comes over is not good (which it isn't). this is when I realized that I needed more incentive to approach because this seems to be my biggest issue with women. So this is what I decided to start today. It is a variation of marks no more porn diet. my quota of girls to approach each day is one girl. I make a tally of how many days that I don't meet this quota. since I only approach girls five days a week, when the tally meets 5 that means that my jerk off schedule becomes bi weekly. and this is cumulative. So for example if I don't approach 3 out of 5 days and then next week I approach 2 out of 5 times I switch to a bi weekly schedule once. and if I ended up not approaching for 5 more days that means I will stay on the bi weekly schedule. Now if I do anything sexual with a girl (kissing, etc.) that takes one off of the tally. if I have sex all tally's are taken off.

with this new incentive in place I made sure not to add to the tally today. There was this really cute Asian girl who was doing abs in the abs area. at the time I really wasn't trying to add a tally to the new incentive. So I decided to just start walking to her and forced myself to not think of anything (because that's what always screws me up) When I finally got to her I said something like "Hey I don't mean to interrupt your work out but I think you're really pretty". When I said this her face got slightly red and with a big smile she said "Aw thank you!". With this I said "Well I'll see you later!" and left. with that I was happy that I didn't dick out this time and I thought my day was over. I finished my work out and changed and went to leave. This is when I realized that she was right behind me while I was walking away. when I first saw this I was scared shitless because I didn't think I would see her again. like a little bitch I pretended to not notice her behind me but then I was like "why the hell does it matter?" and turned around and said "hey! so do you keep your core so in shape? what ab workouts do you do?" She said "Oh! your really think so?" I don't do much I just run on the treadmill and do some abs stuff" (yeah you and every other girl at the gym lol)

She then went on to ask me where I was from, then started telling me about a gym close to where I live. Then i asked her "so are you in college?" it turns out that she graduated last year and she asked me what college I went to and it turned out that she went to the same university I did. then out of nowhere she said "OH! I forgot something back at the gym! it was nice meeting you!" so then I said bye to her

from this interaction I took away that my main problem is opening outside of college. However, when I open I am just fine. I say this because when I was talking to her I didn't have any of the butterflies in my stomach but I got the distinct feeling that she was a lot more flustered talking to me than I was talking to her. either way this is a lot more than what I asked from myself today so I can't say today was bad.

However I've been wondering about this with girls in the gym. When you open them is it rude to continue on especially if they are working out? This has probably been one of the main contributors to me not opening girls at the gym.

Also she was very pleasant to talk to and she didn't brush me off rudely so who knows I may talk to her again at the gym and get things going.

[Creatine Dreams]

^Great work, but you totally should have gotten her number! Next time!

[Spikes]

@Creatine Dreams thanks I'm gonna try to push interactions more. I learned more about that since the past few weeks.

sorry for the long post haven't had the chance to organize my thoughts in a while.

6/14/12
I guess I wouldn't realy call this a field report but more of a realization after a story that happened to me today.
so today I went to my college town to hang out with my friends whom I haven't seen within 2 weeks. We decided to go to a bar during happy hour. When we got there we sat down and in came this really cute brunette waitress. the first thing she says to us is "sorry I look like a mess, this is my first day and ive been messing up". So naturally I ask her what she messed up and instantly a floodgate of how she messed up splitting a previous groups check happen (it never ceases to amaze me how when you ask people the right questions they open up like a flood gate) but how they ended up giving her a 40% tip. So I was like "see that wasn't all that bad now was it" so she smiled and said yeah and proceeded to ask us what we wanted to drink. When she left my friends gary, neil, and I takled about how cute she looked and laughed about how she thought she looked like a mess. my friend neil said that he wanted to hit on her and I had no problem with this. so my friends and I talked for a bit before she came back. so she came back and asked what we wanted to eat and we told her. However before she left I decided to test out a theory. See I am in a fraternity and I meet alot of sorority girls and I like to guess if a girl is in a sorority or not in college. normally I make it as a mental note but for some reason I decided to tell her what I thought. From our interaction I said "I have a feeling you aren't in a sorority. am I right?" she said "no I'm in one, why did you think that". I told her I talk to a lot and I had a feeling. She wouldn't let up and she teased me about being wrong then touched my arm. From there my friends thought that she liked me I didn't see it at the time (probably because I was too chicken too). She came back and whenever she did she would tease me and she touched my arm one more time. she then said that she thought my frat was underrated hot. I didn't push the interaction because I was too paralyzed by the thought of rejection, even though my friends thought she was interested. so there you go.

6/15/12
I'm done with Dani I just don't think it's gonna work out. I've tried to get her to go out on a date with me twice and it just never worked. always excuses. plus this last text stuck the nail in the coffin:
her: Some guy in your frat has my sweat shirt will you be in cp this weekend and get it with me?
her: also I just tried to type a text to your nick name and had to remember that's not ur name in my phone haha
me: sorry i'm gonna be away. haha nice
really why do you need me to get a sweater with you and how does this guys sweater even have your sweater? what a joke.
however I've learned a few things from her:
don't go out of your way for women, it never works out in your favor.
if a girl shows you even the smallest amount of interest you have to go for it and connect immediately.
also you have to lead the women will rarely ever do it.

6/18/12
the date with another girl that I know girl got pushed back to august because of my internship. I'm gonna be in another state for 6 weeks. This should be a good experience to become out going because I won't know anybody so I will have to rely on having an outgoing attitude to meet people. So when I come back to my state I'll be a better person for it. Anyways I told the girl I couldn't see her until august. over the phone she sounded pretty upset about it. I find it funny how two girls of equal attractiveness can be completely different in behavior with you. with Dani I had to work for everything. with this girl I barely do anything and she's head over heels. I guess it has something to do with how I was more invested in Dani than she was in me and with this new girl I'm barely invested.

6/20/12
at my new internship walked on the beach saw 2 girls approached, asked if people actually went in the beach because no one was there legit question. they weren't very receptive.

6/22/12
asked 2 girls if there was a closing time for the beach they were more receptive.
6/23/12
walked up to a girl on board walk without thinking and told her I thought she was cute told her my name and shook her hand. asked her what her name was she said Sevall (god she was hot). I went on and asked her what people did around were we were because I was new. she said that she wasn't from the area she was north of there and came down every once in a while. we talked for a little bit before I lost what to say so I just said it was nice to meet her shook her hand and ejected. she was neutral I guess never told me to stay never told me to leave and I got scared. next time I'm going to just stick past the potential awkwardness to see where I get.

[Spikes]

6/23/12 night time
So being that I am in a new state with and don't know anyone I didn't know what I was going to do tonight. I definitely wanted to have fun. my co workers suggested a few bars that I should check out. I decided that I didn't want to stay in all by myself to night so I decided to go to bar A. However I was a little bit nervous about this because this would be the first time I've ever been to a bar by myself. When I got there I felt a little self conscious so I ended up sitting at the bar for a while. I decided not to pressure myself to meet people because that would screw me up.

after a while I realized that no one really cared that I was alone plus I also realized people didn't really even know that I was alone. at this point I got pretty comfortable and started to enjoy the music and people watch. at the bar I was at there were a like 5 different mini bars around so I decided to check one out. I was sitting at the bar waiting for a drink when a girl took the spot next to me looked at me and said "what do you want a bud light?" I was like "a corona actually why do you ask?". she said because between you and me I think I'll get the bar tenders attention better than you. so she got the bar tenders attention gave him 20 dollars and got both of us drinks. So i asked her "so what do I owe you?" she said "obviously nothing!" and smiled. She showed me the money the bar tender gave her and said "he gave me all my money back in change!". it turned out that she new the bartender well and one of the other bar tenders was her roommate. I asked her what the bar was like and she told me it was probably one of the best places in the state i was in (at this point I had no disagreements). I told her it was my first time there. with this she asked "How old are you?". I got the impression she thought it was my first time at a bar so I smiled and said "first I'm not from around here" she interrupted smiled and said " okay but you still didn't ask my question". then I said "second I'm 21". She said "wow your young". looked at her and said "well I know your not supposed to ask a lady how old they are but I'm going to have to". she looked at me and said "old" I asked "how old" she said "27". I look at her like she's crazy and said "that's not that much older than me". then she said "yeah but your going to look like me when your 40 you know black don't crack" I had to laugh at this. But this was pretty much the end of our conversation she said it was nice meeting me and she was gone. btw during this conversation she pretty much touched me after every other sentence, which was why I was confused as to why she left, I thought the touching was an indicator that she was interested. eh I guess its cause I was 21 either way she was cool.


after this I walked to another part of the bar and asked this really cute girl about the back of the bar and if it would fill up because at the moment it was pretty much empty. she was receptive and I ended up asking why she was at the bar. it turned out that she was there for a reunion party for her school. she graduated in 2010. she said she was looking for her friend so I said i didn't want to hold her up so I bid her farewell. maybe I should have pushed it she was pretty receptive. again though I was scared of being physically told to stop i guess.

I went back to the first bar I was at and saw this Indian girl sitting by herself. and she look sad. So I walked up to her and said "you don't look very happy" she said "I have my drink now, now I'm happy and left". guess she thought I was hitting on her. Here's when I realized a few things. one even if you don't find a girl attractive she can feel the same about you. I used to get mad when I approach girls who i didn't find a attractive and they weren't receptive because I used to think I was above them, that isn't true its all about compatibility.

i realized what mark said was true you don't approach women for approaching sake. I would say that I only approach women who "inspire me". when I say this i mean that I think they're beautiful and I'm compelled to approach them. don't get me wrong even when a girl inspires me I can have AA it normally happens when they are in a group. I don't have problems approaching women when there by themselves this is something else I have to work on. before I left the bar I told a middle aged women I thought she was cute before. all in all I had a great night.