Should I Continue Seeing My Therapist?

[Passion]

I'm asking this because I've went through three other therapists over the years and I always seem to end up ditching them. I have no idea if its because they really weren't a good match for me or if it's just a defense mechanism of mine.

He's a somewhat older social worker (late 40s to 50s), and part of me wanted to see a younger guy, but with my health insurance and my location which seems to have an overabundance of female therapists, I don't have too many options. I've been seeing him since early December, but I haven't seen him since March (I haven't set up an appointment with him yet; and because of school, I do have somewhat of an excuse).

Anyway, here's a list of things that bothered me to a certain extent. Make your own judgment whether or not it's appropriate to keep seeing him:

-He sometimes talks about things in his own life, but its usually in reference to something I said. Like for example, when I told him about my fear of rejection, he told me it's not about me if I get rejected, and he went into this story about how a female patient of his (he never reveals their name) kept getting rejected when she asked guys out (who all turned out to be gay), basically to show that its not about you when you get rejected.

-Although he never tells me anyone's names, there was one time when he told me that the patient before me was having some anxiety issues in school. I felt that it was kind of inappropriate for him to reveal that to me. (In retrospect, I probably should have told him that)

-He told me that he cared about me. It just seems out of character for a therapist to say this (I might be totally misinterpreting this though).

-I sent him a fairly angry e-mail one time, and at our next session (this was our last session btw), he interpreted the e-mail to mean that I probably suffered a trauma in the past. I think he's blowing things out of proportion, to be honest. Although I've certainly had some rough times in the past (getting bullied near the end of middle school and all throughout high school, etc.), I don't feel like its at the level of a traumatic experience. Again, I'm not too sure if this is what he meant. I may have to ask him again about it.

-He can seem very sensitive at times, in the sense that it seems like he acts like I'm some terribly wounded soul. It can seem very patronizing to me. However, this might just be me.

-One thing I definitely like about his approach is CBT (cognitive-behavioral therapy). I felt that using CBT and recognizing thinking errors has helped me a lot in many areas of my life.

Again, before you suggest that I definitely cut ties with him, bear in mind that I've had nearly the same experiences with other therapists, where I would spot something about the therapy or how I felt they were treating me and believe it was grounds to cancel any future sessions. This could very well be some sort of defense mechanism of mine. I realize that I may be overanalyzing all this. And also, it's going to be a pain finding another therapist again.

So, with all this information present, do any of you think these are good reasons to stop going to this therapist?

[Drewid]

This may sound like a smart ass remark, but I'm being serious:

Have you considered talking to your therapist about it? His reaction should be all the answer you'll need, and you'll be able to discuss the issues with him.

That said, the fact that you're avoiding him sounds like a pretty good indication that it's already time to move on.

[Mike]

I recently did therapy for 6 months with an amazing therapist who had some of the characteristics of your therapist. My therapist actually talked about his life quite often, but it was always to make a point (also never mentioned a patients name). He became more of a mentor to me than a therapist.

If you feel like you're improving with this guy maybe you should give him another chance. Also, it might take awhile before you start to notice a difference and for things to click.

With CBT, the changes will not happen over night. You might have to work on things for a long time before you start to notice changes.

Ultimately the decision is up to you, but he sounds like a lot of therapists. I went through some great changes with a therapist similar to how you describe yours.

[Passion]

(04-30-2012 12:06 AM)Drewid Wrote:  That said, the fact that you're avoiding him sounds like a pretty good indication that it's already time to move on.

I'm not sure if I understand what you mean by that? The fact that I'm avoiding him might be a defense mechanism of mine.

This is really hard for me to admit, but my deeper motivations have really become alien to me. For the past six years, I've completely lost sense of who I am. After an incident I had with a girl, I've found it harder and harder to reclaim that cool, relaxed, playful part of me. I really have no idea who I am anymore.

So I really don't want to make this decision lightly. Be aware that this might all be my ego's way of protecting any sense of "dignity" I may have left. Part of me feels like I'm weak for even seeing a therapist.

Edit: Also, there's a part of me that feels like seeking help (whether its from a therapist or even here) is making me move further away from who I am. I feel like I'm getting clouded even more by the advice of other people that may not be in tune with who I am. However, I recognize that I may actually need help.

[Drewid]

I'm often a "go with my gut" kind of guy, and I was probably projecting. Sorry for being glib.

I stand by the "talk to him about it" part.

[Leo]

To me he sounds like a regular shrink. I don't see anything abnormal about his behavior. Shrinks talk a lot about COMMUNICATION, all the time. You should talk with him about what bothers you.
"-He can seem very sensitive at times, in the sense that it seems like he acts like I'm some terribly wounded soul. It can seem very patronizing to me. However, this might just be me."
He is being sympathetic with your condition because he knows how much it hurts. Often times in therapy I act like a child, like a child that was emotionally abused.
Yeah, I'd say that you are VERY defensive, it's like you are looking for help but you don't want to get help, like you can do it by yourself or something. To be honest, sometimes I HATE going to therapy to listen to "common sense", the problem is that sometimes I'm immersed in total emotional mind and I can't see the logical part of the situation at the moment. Therefore I hate myself for not being able to see it and kinda hate therapy because it shows me my craziness, what I don't like about myself, what I don't ACCEPT about myself.
In the last 2 sessions with my therapist I've noticed I was hating her a little bit because she was telling me the truth about my condition and "somehow" it's easy to solve, but I can't, dammit! So, there's a lot of projection here towards my shrink.
Crazy, hu?
Again, he sounds like a regular shrink to me. It seems that you don't want to get help.
Just my 2 cents, I'm not a shrink myself, lol!