She went for a cigar... and never came back

[Alvar]

So this chick agrees to come home with me and even asks me to get a cab. She comes inside my flat, says she wants to go for a cigar and if I'd go with her. I follow her after 30 seconds and she is literally gone in the rain... lol. I guess letting out that I do therapy wasn't a very good idea...

I wish I could get stories like these without having to trade them off for sex...
Got any of yours to share?

[crazyhorse]

The female equivalent would be something like "I have 5 kids"

there are probably worse examples though haha

[SeXyBaCk]

Ouch man, really that happened?

Well, you're better for being with her then.

[Guyintheback]

Spooky. Ghost woman? ;-)

Seriously though, maybe it wasn't even you. Maybe she had a boyfriend or became self conscious or whatever.

[playmaker001]

It seems like you were trying to be all verbally "vulnerable" with her. Next time be vulnerable by not hesitating to escalate and sleeping with her first. You cock blocked yourself buddy.

As for stories such as yours, I could tell you about times I've kicked girls out for various reasons but I've never had a girl do something as odd as yours. I've even been so drunk that I guess I shit my pants, and the girl was kind enough to do my laundry and take care of me. I don't remember anything, but she said that even after I went to the bathroom in my pants I was still trying to fuck her throughout the night until I finally passed out naked in the living room.

[Alvar]

True story
She does have a bf, some 2000 kms away and was in town for a hen party.. I think I may have hit on her before, at another hen party, some years ago, at the same bar. Fun fact: my last ONS, one month ago, I was sitting in the same place, same bar...

I noticed that she grew noticeable anxious as I casually explained why I go to therapy, so I am just guessing that she had a very negative experience with some nut case...

I am fighting my tendency to either laugh the whole episode or ruminate over what I may have done wrong. I may have learned some valuable lessons:
1: be careful when talking of therapy with someone I've just met. Particularly in a ONS context is useless.
2: pay more attention to girls emotional roadblocks. Even if she were to stay with me, I probably wouldn't give much attention to her anxiety. I've got problems in the past due to me just assuming the girl would come home with me.
3. It's a funny story but it also sucks too. Nothing wrong with being disappointed, the problem would be if the feelings were to rule my future actions.

[Creatine Dreams]

I have a funny story.

So about a month ago, I meet this chick at a bar. The first thing she asks me is if I think she is fat. She wasn't, so I said no.

Later, I see her in the parking lot and we smoke a cigarette together. She says it is cold and suggests we go sit in her car. We talk for a while and she asks if we are going to have sex. I say that I have no expectations and that whatever will happen or won't happen is fine by me.

After a while she says she has to go to the bathroom. The bar is closed so she suggests we go to her place so she can use the restroom. We go to her place and she instantly turns on the Disney Channel. I try to get comfortable with her but she is being somewhat cold and dismissive.

We go outside so she can smoke a cigarette and she mentions the pool and how she wants to lay out in her bikini and get tan. I make a joke about how I was scared to go back to her apartment because she was sooo pale. She gets really offended and completely shuts down.

At this point, I realize she is crazy and ask her to drive me back to the bar. She drives me back, and I walk home, realizing I dodged a bullet.

Some women are just crazy...

[playmaker001]

@Creatine Dreams: Did you touch her or get sexual with her at all? It sounds like you guys just sat and talked in the car. The moment she asked you if you two were going to have sex, I would have probably said something similar while looking seductively in her eyes. Then immediately start making out with her! Aw man, missed opportunities with you guys! But hey, you live and learn. Just make sure to learn from those mistakes.

[Halo Effect]

playmaker,

agreed that he could have escalated further and faster, but there is a lot to be said for the rule "Don't stick your dick in crazy".

(05-05-2012 06:39 PM)Alvar Wrote:  True story
She does have a bf, some 2000 kms away and was in town for a hen party.. I think I may have hit on her before, at another hen party, some years ago, at the same bar. Fun fact: my last ONS, one month ago, I was sitting in the same place, same bar...

I noticed that she grew noticeable anxious as I casually explained why I go to therapy, so I am just guessing that she had a very negative experience with some nut case...

I am fighting my tendency to either laugh the whole episode or ruminate over what I may have done wrong. I may have learned some valuable lessons:
1: be careful when talking of therapy with someone I've just met. Particularly in a ONS context is useless.
2: pay more attention to girls emotional roadblocks. Even if she were to stay with me, I probably wouldn't give much attention to her anxiety. I've got problems in the past due to me just assuming the girl would come home with me.
3. It's a funny story but it also sucks too. Nothing wrong with being disappointed, the problem would be if the feelings were to rule my future actions.

If your only goal is to get get laid, and you're basically already there, then becoming more vulnerable won't help. Being vulnerable is not really a tactic to get laid, although it can in a roundabout way help to get you laid more.

In your situation, what I would have done is to address what was going on right away. I would've asked what her opinion of therapy was, and maybe even addressed her apparently growing anxiety. By getting whatever she's thinking out in the open, you can maybe correct it. But you may have lost her anyway. That's the thing about sharing stuff... it's polarizing. Some will admire your courage and honesty, others will run for the hills.

Quote:It seems like you were trying to be all verbally "vulnerable" with her. Next time be vulnerable by not hesitating to escalate and sleeping with her first. You cock blocked yourself buddy.

Last girl I dated I told her on the first date that I lost my virginity in Thailand in exchange for money. Things went well, in as far that we ended up having sex and had a great connection. With some girls I even told it before meeting them (from online dating), while chatting online, and they want to meet me.

[Creatine Dreams]

I probably should have escalated but in hindsight, I am glad I didn't because she was crazy!

[playmaker001]

Halo and Creatine: Yeah, easy to write some girl off as crazy just because you didn't understand what was going on. how's this, I think you're crazy for not sealing the deal, so there

[Creatine Dreams]

Haha, maybe. But I definitely could tell she had some issues. Still, a one night stand might have been good for me...

[Alvar]

(05-05-2012 06:30 PM)playmaker001 Wrote:  It seems like you were trying to be all verbally "vulnerable" with her. Next time be vulnerable by not hesitating to escalate and sleeping with her first. You cock blocked yourself buddy.

No, this has little to do with vulnerability, other than in general I am a more open person nowadays. I'd say it was both hubris with naivety. It was clear, for both of us, that this would be just a ONS.

[Jon]

Ok obviously what happened was she got to your apartment and decided "nope, this was a bad idea" and then rather than handle it in the adult way, did what she did. This is, though not ideal, understandable, since some dudes just don't know how to handle a polite "look, I'm having second thoughts about hooking up, thanks for a fun evening but I'm just gonna catch a cab."

That said, do you think your apartment could have scared her off? Is it clean? Strange pictures around?

[Alvar]

(05-07-2012 05:10 PM)Jon Wrote:  That said, do you think your apartment could have scared her off? Is it clean? Strange pictures around?

It is mildly clean, nothing scary or far from what could be expected...
I've had between 20 and 30 chicks over and haven't gotten a complain.

[Jon]

Ok then. It's probably a matter of she just changed her mind and panicked.