SHAME

[TexasFan]

For the past week i have been really trying to be as vulnerable as possible in situations in my life. Interacting with people, going out, talking to girls etc etc. I'm trying my best to be as open as possible and show myself the way i am with people in my life. Not gonna lie, it has been hard as hell but i am finally starting to notice myself change a little bit.

I found that the biggest thing holding me back was Shame. Here are some of the main things in my life that i am ashamed of being.

1) Shame of hitting on girls openly and honestly
2) Shame of standing up for yourself
3) Shame of being different from how i was told to be like (By parents, media and society)
4) Shame of succeeding in life and standing out

I finally started to get into the nuts and bolts of things. I observed other people carefully and tried to compare their behavior with they're upbringings. The first person i noticed was my mom. She was brought up in a family who was never taught how to express their emotions freely and openly. Thus she always has drama going on with her siblings and other random people. Another person i noticed was my sister. She was brought up the same way as me by my parents. Although my dad was a little more comfortable expressing vulnerablity (most likely because he is super successful) my sister never really expresses herself in a confident and a comfortable way. It always seems like she wants to do things in life but she never has the guts to do it. Always the talk about travelling, trying out new stuff, going to this and that. But never actually doing it.

I watched the video from Brene Brown and it opened my eyes a little bit. She nailed alot of things and i had light bulbs go inside my head. She talked about how shame causes us to become less vulnerable. And shame actually comes from a strange belief. The belief that you are not worthy of connection. That if you do something that is outside the box, people will not approve of you or like you. This was the biggest thing holding me back when it comes to being vulnerable.

After adopting this mindset for the past week i have began to see some changes. I have talked to people honestly and freely. I went out last night and talked to girls without any shame. Looking them directly in the eye and saying what i wanted. I had some good and open interactions with not just girls but also my guy friends.

I have just started this journey. I know its gonna be long and painful. But i hope at the end of the day it's for the better and i can come outside of that shell and let people see me the way i am, and not give a rats ass about what they think.

This is my story

P.S to Mark : If you could write an article about shame and how our upbringing and society conditions us to hide ourselves i would thank you muchos!!

Thanks

[Zac]

This was really awesome man. Thank you for this.

[Mark]

Quote:P.S to Mark : If you could write an article about shame and how our upbringing and society conditions us to hide ourselves i would thank you muchos!!

Actually been reading a couple books that talk a lot about shame recently. It's definitely a major problem.

Congrats on your progress.

[Leo]

I really like this book about shame and guilt. The author is a professional of the Mental Health field. I highly recommend it. She even talks about how shame and guilt influence romantic relationships.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1558740724...040&sr=8-1

[Paul]

Leo,

I really want to thank you for linking that book. When I saw the description I purchased it for my kindle immediately. A lot of the things TexasFan said, and a lot of that book's description say resonate completely with my life. I have my first therapist session this coming friday, and this gives me even more to work with when I start talking to her.

[Leo]

You're welcome. The book is fantastic but I want to warn you, I was crying the whole time I was reading it because brought me bad memories from my childhood. Yeah, this is hard.
This is the author: http://www.middeltonmozinstitute.org/meet_jane.php
Congrats for going to therapy, the best decision of my life. Good luck!

[HighRoller]

TexasFan,

I'd love to hear about how you went about being less vulnerable. What were your thought processes when you felt feelings of shame and how did you identify them when they arose? Shame is something I'm dealing with as well and your post highlighted some issues that I'm having as well.

I'd love to know your thoughts.
Thanks