Questions on women

[compass]

So as time passes by, I start to wonder if I can improve, or how much I should worry about it. I had some questions.

1. Do you really have to be Mr. Smoothman all the time? When I've read "examples" of people, it sometimes sounds way too movie-like and perfect for the situation. Does this even make a difference? I mean, there's some clever and funny stuff I've said, but it's definitely not all the time. I don't necessarily have a plan to extract information out of someone, or make some slick transition, it just sort of happens, or I'll just ask them/do it directly.

2. How does the first 5 minutes of conversation go with other people here? I find that mostly, it's a little shaky, the responses are somewhat limited, me being teasy doesn't work as well, it's kind of just meh. It doesn't start getting fun/interesting until there's...something, not sure how to put it. Value maybe? Emotions? I found out about cold reads recently, and tried it out a couple of times, but it was awkward in the beginning of the conversation, seemed to break the flow. But in an actually hooked conversation, it's fine. Also another question, how long should you stick around until you've decided that there's no pushing things forward? Some people take different amounts of time to warm up. Or is the answer just start pushing really fast until she says stop.

3. Do you really have to be physically/logistically leading all the time? As in, setting up where to eat, what movie to watch, etc? Like, does it really kill the mood if you just ask what they're in the mood for and make a decision off of that, not just because you want them to like it, but because you want some mystery added as well and just to try something new? Or am I thinking about this in the wrong way, like the decision to give her the choice to her IS a leading thing (like "I could eat anything, where do you usually go to eat? Let's go there"). I feel like, with anything (conversation, what to do), there should be some mutual back and forth happening, otherwise I could be interacting with a piece of cement and go through the same motions. Where is the boundary between domineering, dominating, and just mutuality?

4. Where is the boundary of being likable and being yourself? As in, if some guy is pretty cool, except he's totally racist, if he just stopped hating other people he'd be cooler. Or if some guy was generally alright, except he always keeps repeating the same joke he makes and laughs for too long, he'd be a tolerable person if he didn't do that. Or even less extreme, if someone's just generally cool, but looks down on tastes of other people, it makes him less cool.

However, if you mold yourself too much in the image of other people, you'll never really be "you". This doesn't mean that someone shouldn't ever change thoughts or think openly though. And sure, by being extremely racist, you'll attract the extremely racist girls more, but by removing that from your personality, you'll have a wider variety. So where does the boundary lie?

[Mark]

1. No.

2. Emotion is what you're looking for. First few minutes is always a bit shaky though. That's normal. You need to spark some emotion in one (or both) of you to keep things going.

3. No, you don't, but it sure does help. And if you want to get laid a lot, then yes, you do.

4. There is no boundary, ideally they're the same thing. The idea is to improve yourself and becoming more likeable will be a natural side-effect of that. Trying to be likeable to others usually results in others not liking you.

[Chaos]

(03-29-2012 06:10 AM)Mark Wrote:  2. Emotion is what you're looking for. First few minutes is always a bit shaky though. That's normal. You need to spark some emotion in one (or both) of you to keep things going.

Mark, care to explain a little bit more on that? I have the same problem with the first 5 minutes of conversation... It's fine if you answer "buy the conversation program" I haven't bought it yet because I'm usually really good at making conversation... but I will, eventually

[Mark]

Try this an experiment, start asking every girl you meet what her favorite thing in the world is within the first 2 minutes. Guarantee your conversations will get a lot better.

[compass]

Quote:1. No.

2. Emotion is what you're looking for. First few minutes is always a bit shaky though. That's normal. You need to spark some emotion in one (or both) of you to keep things going.

3. No, you don't, but it sure does help. And if you want to get laid a lot, then yes, you do.

4. There is no boundary, ideally they're the same thing. The idea is to improve yourself and becoming more likeable will be a natural side-effect of that. Trying to be likeable to others usually results in others not liking you.

3. Is the decision to give her the decision still leading? Not like "what should we do" but like "we will go to that thing you like cause I want to try it".

4. About this though, I wouldn't have gotten any better at conversation if I didn't know what was actually going on in them. Things I have read have sparked in my head and now I understand them much better. Because I understand them better, I can have better conversations.

I guess you could argue that reading and thinking about it in real time is improving yourself. But I feel like I'm at a point where either I don't know what to improve or I don't even know if anything would actually be improving.

[Mark]

3. You're over-thinking this.

4. Improving your ability to have a conversation is improving yourself. Even if you faked a few lines to help yourself. As for what to improve with conversation, I'd recommend the Connection Program: http://postmasculine.com/connection

[Spikes]

I tried asking girls this weekend what their favorite thing in the world was and they all came back with a "mmm idk lol" its like pulling teeth with these girls sometimes haha

[Mark]

Sometimes you need to encourage them a bit. Sometimes you need to tell them what you're passionate about first.

[Halo Effect]

Yeah you can ask more questions, like: "What do you feel passionate about?", "What do you love to do?", "What would you do right now if you had a million dollars?". A question like that last one will trigger her imagination and make her talk about stuff that she would love to do, and changes the vibe in the conversation to a much more positive one. And if you talk about your passions with shameless enthusiasm, this gives her "permission" to do the same (and it is attractive in itself to talk about your own life with passion).