Question for Mark about the flirting formula

[sledgehammer]

So Im reading your book and in one chapter about the flirting-formula you state, and I quote:

"For instance, if you tease a girl about her shoes and she defends
herself or says something like, “Yeah, they are kind of lame, aren’t
they?” then she’s re-establishing rapport with you. She’s qualifying
herself. Basically what’s being sub-communicated is that you are
less invested in her (by teasing) and that she is more invested in you
(by qualifying). This may or may not actually be true, but it’s the
perception that flirting creates between you two and why flirting
generates attraction.

For instance, if you tease her about her shoes and she becomes
offended and decides you’re an asshole, well then that means she’s
not qualifying herself, she’s not re-establishing rapport, and no
attraction is being generated. Either your tease came with the wrong
intention, was delivered poorly, or she’s simply not interested in
you. The reason isn’t that important."

My question is, what about when you tease a girl and she responds with a tease that could be intepreted as a "shit-test" ?

Like for example, lets say I say/write to a girl "Oh damn, you surely are trouble", and she responds "Yes I am, you could never handle me ", is this a shit-test or is she qualifying and showing compliance?

Or If I saw "gosh, you retard, I knew it! you're like 13 years old or something!" and she replys "well I might be a retard, but you are WAY more retarded for sure!!" Again, is this her qualifying or is it a shit-test to see if I can uphold the frame and "dominate" her socially which results in her getting more attracted cause of me being the more "powerfull person" in the interaction?

[Mark]

Teasing you back is a form of creating rapport... she's basically joining in on the joke with you. So yes, it signals compliance and attraction.

[sledgehammer]

Alright, so it has nothing to do with "shit-testing" then and testing the strenght of your frame? Cause that is what a pua-friend of mine told me.

[crazyhorse]

sledgehammer Wrote:Alright, so it has nothing to do with "shit-testing" then and testing the strenght of your frame? Cause that is what a pua-friend of mine told me.

I used to think like that as well. It was very stupid.

But think about it, do you tease people that you don't like? It's not that different for women and you can create your own "insider jokes" .

[Mark]

http://postmasculine.com/shit-test-paranoia

I've always been amused that in PUA theory, you teasing a girl signifies attractive behavior, but her teasing you signifies a "shit-test' and must be avoided at all cost. Makes no sense. Like crazyhorse said, we tease people we like.

This is assuming she is TEASING you, of course, and not insulting you. If she's insulting you, then yeah, she's being a bitch.

[sledgehammer]

Thanks!

[Jon]

It's not a shit test until you fail it. In that situation if a girl says that, she is not trying to test your frame. However, if her tease makes you act insecure, well, now she will start losing attraction.

sledgehammer Wrote:Alright, so it has nothing to do with "shit-testing" then and testing the strenght of your frame? Cause that is what a pua-friend of mine told me.