Question am I being arrogant ?

[Thor]

Guys,

Went on a second date with cute looking 25 year old hungarian girl I met in starbuck. We made out on the first date and spent hours talking about each others lives.

On the second date she told me she was heading back to hungary because she was afraid for her brother who is in his 20s as he was a recovering alcoholic. She told me she didnt want to go back but she felt she had too.

I told her that her brother was very lucky to have her as a sister like her but her brother was a grown man now and shouldnt need someone to nurse him. She got alittle angry and she yelled "I thought you of all people would understand me". I told her that in my 20's I had noone and had to fend for myself and her brother should do the same.

In the end I told her that I am going home as I wasnt here to be yelled at. She told me I was being arrogant and stupid.

Am I being arrogant ? When a girl starts talking about stuff like where would you go with subjects like this ? taking into account its only a second date.

[Jani]

Being arrogant isn't about what you say but how you say it, maybe your tone was a little bit arrogant without you noticing it.
Nothing to worry about, only if you hear a lot of such comments. Than it's something you need to work on.

"When a girl starts talking about stuff like where would you go with subjects like this ?"
What do you mean?? Subjects you don't want to talk about or such deep subjects??

With deep subjects, just let her do the talking and be a good listener. That's probably just what she needed and then you can say your honest opinion and go back to light-hearted topics. I think in your situation, you judged too quickly. The advice you gave is true, but you're not going to say somebody who's fat: "Just eat less and exercise more". It's true, but a little bit harsh. You first listen, give them your understanding and then you can say that she need to eat less chocolate and exercise more.

If she's talking about subjects that you don't want to talk about, then it's already too late. There are always signs if she's going for a deep topic, just redirect her attention to something light-hearted. But if she's already talking about it, you need to make a joke about it. Be careful, timing & body language is everything. If your body language is even only 2% off, it's going to hit you in the face. It's best to just listen and after 10min or so say that it's time for a more lighter topic after you showed much understanding.

Empathy is key.

[Thor]

Empathy is the key Jani your right mate thankyou

(06-15-2012 08:12 PM)Jani Wrote:  Being arrogant isn't about what you say but how you say it, maybe your tone was a little bit arrogant without you noticing it.
Nothing to worry about, only if you hear a lot of such comments. Than it's something you need to work on.

"When a girl starts talking about stuff like where would you go with subjects like this ?"
What do you mean?? Subjects you don't want to talk about or such deep subjects??

With deep subjects, just let her do the talking and be a good listener. That's probably just what she needed and then you can say your honest opinion and go back to light-hearted topics. I think in your situation, you judged too quickly. The advice you gave is true, but you're not going to say somebody who's fat: "Just eat less and exercise more". It's true, but a little bit harsh. You first listen, give them your understanding and then you can say that she need to eat less chocolate and exercise more.

If she's talking about subjects that you don't want to talk about, then it's already too late. There are always signs if she's going for a deep topic, just redirect her attention to something light-hearted. But if she's already talking about it, you need to make a joke about it. Be careful, timing & body language is everything. If your body language is even only 2% off, it's going to hit you in the face. It's best to just listen and after 10min or so say that it's time for a more lighter topic after you showed much understanding.

Empathy is key.