Problems maintaining relationship past initial phase..

[George]

I have realised I have a certian pattern in my relationships with women. Generally I seem to be able to attract girls initially, and proceed into some kind of relationship. These relationships never seem to last long, a few months at best. The last four girls I have been with in various time scales, the longest and most recent being around 3 months, all have eventually rejected me. Its like, I am never ever in the driving seat of the relationship. I seem to lose my power to them everytime. Perhaps its a simple game of cat and mouse. Perhaps I give them too much and they eventually get bored because they dont see me as a 'challenge'. Perhaps it is in theory this simple and I need to learn to not always be so readily available to them.
At the same time it makes me somewhat sad that I feel I need to resort to pschological 'methods' to mantain their attaction to me. Fine, playing the cat and mouse game the first few dates is one thing but after a few months its hard to be like this all the time. You want to naturally enjoy anothers company and not have to constantly think in the back of your mind how you cant be to available to keep them constantly interested. It doesnt feel natural. Perhaps I have just been unlucky in my last relationships. Perhaps I end up attracting the wrong type of women to me. But I definitely feel like over the last year at least with all the girls I have been with it always end up with them rejecting me/getting bored or whatever. What lengths do I have to go to to find a girl that actually wants to stay with me for more then a few months at most?
My achilles heel seems to be in the duration of relationships. From getting from the initial dating phase to the actual girlfriend/boyfriend phase. A lot of my friends seem to be in long term relationships and it sort of frustrates me that I can't seem to acheive this for myself. Its not just because I want to be 'normal' and have the same thing my friends have but its mainly from my perspective something I genuinely want. So its becoming frustrating. Perhaps it does relate to low self esteem issues, and clinginess to an extent/and wanting to much/not being a challenge but I do sometimes feel that its just tough luck on my part and that for whatever reason its just not happening.
Truth be told my last 3 month relationship was pretty toxic and fucked up and I am kind of glad that I am single again and now I honestly wonder whether being in a relationship can ever make me truly happy. It always seems to be temporay pleasure followed by inevitable suffering. From a buddhist perspective I can see how a buddisht would view relationships/romance as something that doesnt bring true happiness as its based on an attachment to someone as opposed to a real genuine love/happiness that is based on unconditional, giving love. Its like we as human beings are all stuck on the same boat trying to find happiness through romance/love and we are all continually knocked back, time and time again yet we cant help but go through the same process over and over, each time hoping that the next time will finally 'work' and that we will finally be happy. I wonder sometimes that I may just be happier with being single and enjoying my social life and maybe having the odd bit of a fun with a girl once a month or so but nothing more. Its like I feel I want to stop searching for relationships because they never seem to develop for me and always seems to end badly. I'm tired of it. 23 and have only had one long term relationship with a girl from 16-18. The rest have all been a few weeks/months. Feels bad man. I cant work out whether its just bad luck, whether I need to work on myself more or what..frustrating stuff.
I guess on the other hand perhaps I should be happy for having relationships in the form they exist even if they dont last as long as I hope they would. At least I have relationships with various girls and have nice experiences..Its just ultimately I feel I am searching for true love or a deep connection with a girl, a long lasting relationship.. Perhaps some of us will never find what we are looking for..And perhaps ultimately nothing is what we endevour or hope it to be..The reality is never as good as the ideal in our head.
Thanks for reading..

[Trickster]

So it seems to me that your problem could be the result of a number of different issues.

1) You could be attracting women who are not LTR oriented. This means that for whatever reason, the way you behave when you first attract and date a woman selects women who are interested in short term affairs and commitment-phobic.

2) You yourself could be commitment-phobic and do subtle things to sabotage your relationships subconsciously. You either subconsciously pick women who will probably not work out in the long term, or behave in a way that turns off women you're dating who are interested in long term relationships.

3) Bad luck, pure and simple.

4) The pool you're selecting from are women who are not commitment minded. Where do you usually meet your girlfriends?

In any case, tell us more - how do your relationships usually start out? How do they develop when you get deeper into the relationship, and how do they usually end? Are you the one ending it, or are the girls you date the ones ending it? And what are the reasons you think and the reasons they give for ending your relationships

And dude, you're 23 - you're super young and you have plenty of time to meet a girl who is interested in developing a long term relationship.

[Google Adsense]

I only read the first paragraph.

Pheraphs it is you worring about what it is that's screwing you and what you need to DO in order to keep them that it's killing it.

(You're on the PUA community aren't you?)

You, inside, feel needy and worried and that starts to come to the top. The moment they sense this, you're out.

That's what happent to me. Offcourse, it can be a lot of things, but yeah...

[Alexander]

Hey George,

First off, sorry to hear you're having so much trouble keeping relationships going. That fucking shitty and painful.

Second, yeah, could you tell us more about what ends up happening in your relationships and how they end up breaking apart? Maybe that would help us guide you in the right direction.

Also, I think it's important to note that you can figure this shit out. You're very young. You have a lot of growing to do. You will be much more awesome in one year than you are right now. So don't despair, give us some details, and we'll get to work.

[dr. love]

My take on this is:

1) You start to put women on pedestals because you're looking for one girl to make you feel like a man or for some other reason (you saw your father do that when you were a kid and you repeat the same pattern etc.)

or

2) The women you date are damaged goods and they realize it and therefore end up sabotaging the relationship either consciously or subconciously.

I think the only "game" you need in a relationship is putting yourself first and not listening to everything the woman says or complains about, but rather doing what you think is right and what you believe is good for the both of you. That's all the challenge a girl needs.

Fuck, I just realized those are pretty much the 2 rules by David X