Parents and Upbringing and how it relates to women and life

[AustinTexasUSA]

what do you do when your parents and your upbringing actually conditioned you to become less succesfull with women and taking action in areas of your life?

My parents and family are like that. They don't have alot of fun and enjoy staying indoors 95 percent of the time. Despite my dad being very successfull he just stays home during his free time. My mom is pretty much the same. My sister likes to talk about doing new things but i don't think she is confident enough in herself to believe that she can do it as well.

Don't get me wrong, I love my family to death. Despite what they do and they're lifestyle choices. But the only thing that is bugging me big time is that due to my family being this way i feel like it's unconciously conditioning me to become to the same way as them as well. I never had success with girls until i read the game and i started doing this that i want and felt i deserved.

I always feel like i am being dragged down to mediocrity because of how my family is. And i really think that they're not like other families either. I see other parents being close to their children and supporting them and encouraging them to prosper in life. I feel like i lack that and have seriously been limited in my life.

I know the first thing everyone's gonna say is to move out asap, but i really don't want to do that right now.

[Jani]

You need to educate your family, so that they start supporting your dreams.
How do you educate your family?? By telling them WHY you do things that way, you need to explain your philosophy.
Nobody acts illogical. You have always a reason for acting the way you do, so have your family.
If your family understand your philosophy, they going to be more supporting because they love you.
It only needs patient and time.

I had the same problem. I graduated from high school and I'm on a sabbatical. First, my mom was against it but now she's my biggest fan.
Because she understand why I'm taking a sabbatical. I don't go to uni because I'm not going to listen to teachers whose life sucks for advice for how I need to live my life. That doesn't make sense, it's like a blind man leading another blind man.

(03-10-2012 10:33 PM)AustinTexasUSA Wrote:  I always feel like i am being dragged down to mediocrity because of how my family is.

That's the wrong mindset!! You need to see it as a positive thing, you need to get motivation from it.
Everything is neutral, only the way you perceive it makes it negative or positive.

[Peanut]

I have the same problem and my only answer is you have to "recondition" yourself. The way you do this is by exposing yourself to experiences which you think will have a positive impact and get you where you need to be. You don't want to be mediocre? Start doing exceptional things.

You write you don't want to hear you need to move out but that is what you need to do. This is the only way you can choose your own path and create your own experience from which to grow.

Also, you can't change people who don't want to change, so I wouldn't bother trying to explain yourself to them if they don't get you.

[Jani]

(03-11-2012 03:22 PM)Peanut Wrote:  You write you don't want to hear you need to move out but that is what you need to do. This is the only way you can choose your own path and create your own experience from which to grow.

Peanut, I don't agree with you, that's running away from the 'problem'. That will never help!!

It's like Sylvester Stallone said:

Quote:The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a mean and nasty place and I don't care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard you hit. It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward; how much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done!

Now if you know what you're worth than go out and get what you're worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers sayin' you ain't what you wanna be because of him or her or anybody! Cowards do that and that ain't you! You're better than that!

Until you start believing in yourself, you ain't gonna have a life.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Z5OookwOoY

[baller08]

AustinTexas -

The reasons you give are valid, but you're making excuses. Rocky Balboa...as always...is correct. Now if you know what you're worth than go out and get what you're worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers sayin' you ain't what you wanna be because of him or her or anybody!

You set yourself up for failure by not moving out and striking out on your own. Maybe your parents are from a different culture or maybe their life was hard so they didn't have the luxury of being on a message board trying to find out how to be better with women...I don't know. But I do know that you have no excuses.

I highly recommend that you read "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Robert Glover. http://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Gu...917&sr=8-1

That book directly highlights the issues you're dealing with.

Remember, one of the core attraction triggers for women is Leadership. Leaders don't make excuses. They see an obstacle, acknowledge it, make a plan to overcome it, and then go out and execute on that plan.

[Edmond Dantès]

(03-10-2012 10:33 PM)AustinTexasUSA Wrote:  what do you do when your parents and your upbringing actually conditioned you to become less succesfull with women and taking action in areas of your life?

1. Your limiting Belief: Parents and your upbringing conditions your success with women

Quote:My parents and family are like that. They don't have alot of fun and enjoy staying indoors 95 percent of the time. Despite my dad being very successfull he just stays home during his free time. My mom is pretty much the same. My sister likes to talk about doing new things but i don't think she is confident enough in herself to believe that she can do it as well.

2. So what? None of your business.

Quote:Don't get me wrong, I love my family to death. Despite what they do and they're lifestyle choices. But the only thing that is bugging me big time is that due to my family being this way i feel like it's unconciously conditioning me to become to the same way as them as well.

3. See 1.

Quote: I never had success with girls until i read the game and i started doing this that i want and felt i deserved.

4.So you had success and found evidence therefore that your belief that your parents condition/determine/influence your success with women is wrong, but you still hold the belief to be true?

Ask yourself why.

Quote:I always feel like i am being dragged down to mediocrity because of how my family is.

5. Belief numero duo. Your father is "successfull" but they're still mediocrite? Come on...

Quote:. I see other parents being close to their children and supporting them and encouraging them to prosper in life. I feel like i lack that and have seriously been limited in my life.

6. So all successful people have been successfully pampered by their families? For sure

Quote:I know the first thing everyone's gonna say is to move out asap, but i really don't want to do that right now.

7.Fine. Stay at home, stay dependant, blame others for you not taking responsability for your life and become happy as you suffer in your mediocrite life.

[Mark]

Quote:what do you do when your parents and your upbringing actually conditioned you to become less succesfull with women and taking action in areas of your life?

You condition yourself to become more successful with women and take action.

Next question...

[Reesays]

As someone who has had to put up with parents that kept him inside, often fed him junk food, made him shy and socially anxious, often hurt his self esteem, tried to shelter him, and made him into a little weakling I can relate.

What I do want to say is that forums are bad places to gain sympathy and true advice for this situation, I have tried it before and it ends in a disaster. A lot of PUAs out there in my opinion are just people who faced minor difficulties growing up, thought their experience was somehow traumatic, and as a result think people who have an exponentially worse life than them are just "whiners". If you truly want help then there is a social anxiety forum, they offer support for this type of stuff.

PUA forums in general are for people who go out there, put in work, smell of confidence, and ignore all the difficulties and realities that life throws at them.

Parenting and upbringing plays a huge role with women but you can change. I say for right now do not concentrate too much on dating, get involved in sports, occupy your mind with other things, find stuff to do, and try to ignore much contact and stuff with your parents. Just go out there and do not be afraid to lie, just say that it is "school related" or something important.

You don't have to play clean but try to let go of the past and try to move forward.

Be proactive, not reactive.

[Zac]

Quote:arenting and upbringing plays a huge role with women but you can change. I say for right now do not concentrate too much on dating, get involved in sports, occupy your mind with other things, find stuff to do, and try to ignore much contact and stuff with your parents. Just go out there and do not be afraid to lie, just say that it is "school related" or something important.

You don't have to play clean but try to let go of the past and try to move forward.

That is some pretty great advice. Sucks to have to lie to your parents.

[Chaos]

(03-14-2012 02:48 AM)Reesays Wrote:  What I do want to say is that forums are bad places to gain sympathy and true advice for this situation, I have tried it before and it ends in a disaster.

Agreed. You'll seldom find sympathy in PUA forums because sympathy doesn't usually solve problems. I've found the PUA community to be painfully honest, and I prefer it that way. True advice can vary, but for that kind of specific problems you won't either. Let's face it, if the problem is REALLY important you should get professional help (therapy) if not then you're just whining and not facing reality, but no one in a forum will be able to accurately judge that.

(03-14-2012 02:48 AM)Reesays Wrote:  PUA forums in general are for people who go out there, put in work, smell of confidence, and ignore all the difficulties and realities that life throws at them.

Not quite, is for people who is generally willing to put the effort to do those things.

(03-14-2012 02:48 AM)Reesays Wrote:  Parenting and upbringing plays a huge role with women but you can change. I say for right now do not concentrate too much on dating, get involved in sports, occupy your mind with other things, find stuff to do, and try to ignore much contact and stuff with your parents. Just go out there and do not be afraid to lie, just say that it is "school related" or something important.

You don't have to play clean but try to let go of the past and try to move forward.

Be proactive, not reactive.

Best piece of comment I've seen you write here. Completely agree.