Official Article Suggestion Thread

[Mark]

(03-20-2012 04:24 PM)Guyintheback Wrote:  I would like to see an article about raising self esteem.
Not so much theory only, but more like I understand the approach program is structured.
A bit of understanding about the underlying psychology, with a focus on doing something, and especially dealing what has been done/accomplished.

There will eventually be an entire product for this. Massive topic.

[Cobi]

i want articles about how did you start your traveling journey, stories about it, and a step by step on how to and where to begin if i want to do something similar

[Zac]

An article about being humble.

I see guys like Judge and Sleazy claiming to be the shit and you do the complete opposite.

I think being humble is important. So does Bill belichick and Tom Brady.

[Edmond Dantès]

@Zac: Would be really interested in a link that proofs that Judge claims to be the shit. I've perceived him so far as somebody who made it through working really hard on himself, not bitching out and someone who feels proud (in a good, not "over-the-top-sense") of it. Would be a shame, if he became arrogant.

@Topic: What about articles about our Postmasculine rolemodels? Oh and an article about your tough times, Mark. You know when you struggled with dating girls and having bad days or even weeks. I mean you've had an impressive development (after about one and a half years doing it, coaching and after that PP and now Postmasculine). You're a rolemodel, but sometimes I'm asking myself: Has he ever really struggled and when, where exactly?

If you've already written on that topic, I'd be thankful for links or references.

[Zac]

I recently saw this on Twitter and it struck me as really "full of himself" but obviously part of that is marketing.

https://twitter.com/#!/TheRobJudge/statu...1147908096

[Mark]

(05-01-2012 10:49 AM)Edmond Dantès Wrote:  Oh and an article about your tough times, Mark. You know when you struggled with dating girls and having bad days or even weeks. I mean you've had an impressive development (after about one and a half years doing it, coaching and after that PP and now Postmasculine). You're a rolemodel, but sometimes I'm asking myself: Has he ever really struggled and when, where exactly?

If you've already written on that topic, I'd be thankful for links or references.

http://postmasculine.com/international-lifestyle

That's actually one of my favorite articles of the last six months, but went relatively unnoticed/under-appreciated by readers.

I've gotten a number of requests to write about my "hard times" and how I persevered through them. I do plan on writing more about it...

[Alvar]

An article about regret, disappointment and expectations: processing our experiences in a positive manner. I just realised that this is huge for me and is likely to play a relevant role on the decision making of avoiders.

[Tim]

(05-03-2012 11:40 AM)Alvar Wrote:  An article about regret, disappointment and expectations: processing our experiences in a positive manner. I just realised that this is huge for me and is likely to play a relevant role on the decision making of avoiders.

Oh I like that. I'm terrible at dealing with regret. When I get regret I feel like I've made a mistake that is going to cost me forever, and I desperately long for the chance to go back and change it. Often over stupid little things, like losing cash or breaking my iPod.

Luckily I've learned to become less attached to things in my life. I can accept change much better, so I get regret far less often. It's still pretty bad when it does get me though.

[Mark]

Interesting, I've never really felt regret much before... I'll have to think about how I go about situations like that... good topic.

[Leo]

"Maybe" this is related to guilt? Or trying to be perfect all the time? When actually we are just humans. I'm lately accepting that I'm gonna make mistakes no matter how much I try to avoid them and I'm gonna learn from them.
About guilt, this book has helped me a lot: http://www.amazon.com/Escaping-Toxic-Gui...623&sr=1-2

I hope it helps!

(05-03-2012 01:49 PM)Tim Wrote:  

(05-03-2012 11:40 AM)Alvar Wrote:  An article about regret, disappointment and expectations: processing our experiences in a positive manner. I just realised that this is huge for me and is likely to play a relevant role on the decision making of avoiders.

Oh I like that. I'm terrible at dealing with regret. When I get regret I feel like I've made a mistake that is going to cost me forever, and I desperately long for the chance to go back and change it. Often over stupid little things, like losing cash or breaking my iPod.

Luckily I've learned to become less attached to things in my life. I can accept change much better, so I get regret far less often. It's still pretty bad when it does get me though.

[Alvar]

In my case I think regret is associated with fear of success and procrastination . Regret / expectations are the way for me to keep with the status quo. If I get something good, or if I work towards a goal I run the risk of loosing it or not getting it.

Just this weekend I saw a post on a FB group, where someone, on behalf of a friend, asked for tips regarding accommodation in my city. I noticed that I'll have a free room during that period and the idea of getting a few extra Euros crossed my mind. I though for a few minutes and resisted the temptation to delay the decision, so I posted a quick reply suggesting that the friend could contact me. For the following days I noticed myself checking my FB messages folder and email several times a day and with some anxiety. Then I found myself ruminating over the message I had posted: it could have been more precise in regard to my email, "how clueless am I" and I could have include information about the location. Suddenly, I now realise that I stand to loose money. What started as an opportunity to earn some extra cash is now a source of pain and regret.

When I saw the message I was not counting on any monetary earning: I even had to convince myself to post a message. Meanwhile I got to expect a reward for my work. What started as a possibility was now an expectation. It makes no sense.
If I had not posted a message I would have earn....zero.
After posting a message I'm probably earning...zero.
All it took me was some 5 minutes composing a message and checking my email.
Yet my mind is punishing me for having made an effort. This is absurd!

This can be applied to so many domains, including career, dating, self-development, risk taking... In fact, this is pretty much my pattern: when I improve at something, my instinct is to protect those gains, make myself a comfortable position, rather than keeping on growing. that's the fear of success fuelling my procrastination. If I try to move forward my mind will beat the shit out of me at the first sight of danger.
Someone said once that when we sit in front of the tv and procrastinate we are still motivated. in this case to do nothing. Now I know what my motivation is and what is holding me behind.

I am not sure I am making myself clear or if this is getting through to you. To me, I had heard of regret before in another program, it took me a very painful experience last week, and the coincidence of listened to a chapter from the excellent "Thinking, Fast and Slow" while I was still ruminating over my regret. This is an extract:

Quote: Paul owns shares in company A. During the past year he considered switching to stock in company B, but he decided against it. He now learns that he would have been better off by $1,200 if he had switched to the stock of company B.



George owned shares in company B. During the past year he switched to stock in company A. He now learns that he would have been better off by $1,200 if he had kept his stock in company B.

Who feels greater regret?



The results are clear-cut: 8% of respondents say Paul, 92% say George.

This is curious, because the situations of the two investors are objectively identical. They both now own stock A and both would have been better off by the same amount if they owned stock B. The only difference is that George got to where he is by acting, whereas Paul got to the same place by failing to act. This short example illustrates a broad story: people expect to have stronger emotional reactions (including regret) to an outcome that is produced by action than to the same outcome when it is produced by inaction. This has been verified in the context of gambling: people expect to be happier if they gamble and win than if they refrain from gambling and get the same amount. The asymmetry is at least as strong for losses, and it applies to blame as well as to regret. The key is not the difference between commission and omission but the distinction between default options and actions that deviate from the default. When you deviate from the default, you can easily imagine the norm—and if the default is associated with bad consequences, the discrepancy between the two can be the source of painful emotions. The default option when you own a stock is not to sell it, but the default option when you meet your colleague in the morning is to greet him. Selling a stock and failing to greet your coworker are both departures from the default option and natural candidates for regret or blame.

I bet that if the study had included a third individual, who owns shares of company A but neglects to evaluate company B, he would be the one experiencing less regret of all.

[Mark]

What you're describing Alvar, sounds like run-of-the-mill insecurity.

[Tim]

I think there's more to it than that Mark. Regret is about attachment, whether to physical possessions or a way of life or people being a certain way. It doesn't surprise me that you haven't experienced a lot of it in your life. Makes perfect sense actually.

---

I didn't explain that at all well... What I mean is that Alvar is talking about that regret you get when it comes from being attached to things being a certain way. And in certain extreme cases it gets to the point where as soon as you get an idea that something might happen (in his case incoming money) you attach yourself to that happening before it even has. This relates to dating so much...

It's insecurity definitely, but it's also about a specific type of regret. It's about regretting something that has or hasn't happened yet, because of an insecurity about not being able to replace that thing or live without. It's like not having an abudance mentality with women; you don't want to let go of one because you don't know when the next will come along.

[Leo]

I really don't know if we are supposed to discuss the suggestions in this thread but this is interesting. Yeah, this can relate to dating, definitely. I think often times we don't want to take a risk, we don't know what's gonna happen in the future and usually we don't what to "lose" what we want, name it: a hot chick, more money, marriage, etc. So, what we do? We fucking over-analyze, we are scared of making a "wrong"decision and therefore we do NOTHING. This is a clear pattern in this forum, a lot of guys over-analyze and do nothing or do too much, I think the only way to know what's gonna happen is trying and KNOWING that you can "fail" but you can learn from your mistake, if there's any; you can't control the fucking world. After all, life is uncertain.
This reminds me the life of Donald Trump, that guy is a multimillionare, but he has lost a lot of money and the guy recovers it later. It seems that he's not afraid of losing money because he KNOWS he can make more money again and doesn't regret anything. He just try, takes a CALCULATED risk (even though nobody knows what is gonna happen in the future) and follow his decision. PERIOD, no more over-analysis, no more BS, he just do it. And if he loses money he doesn't regret it, because: why are you gonna cry over spilt milk?

Alvar, you have to stay present, read The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. That book is about being present (that's what you do when you meditate). When you are ruminating you are in your head, you are not living the present, you are using A LOT of psychological time, you are not living life, you are IMAGINING life. That book is awesome! You can read this version to skip the religious stuff in case you are not a religuous person like myself: http://www.amazon.com/Practicing-Power-N...717&sr=1-2
You are way too much in your head.
I love this book too: http://www.amazon.com/How-Stop-Worrying-...774&sr=1-1

Good techniques about how to stop worrying.

[Alvar]

Thanks for the book suggestions Leo. I have read the Power of Now.
I believe that most of us suffer from regret, as in the example from the book that I quoted. We are wired to be risk averse and prefer inaction to action. Some people have a minor pain from regret but are able to deal with it. For others, these negative experiences can impair greatly their future decisions, because the emotions associated are so powerful. This can often go silent in our mind, without need for much awareness . It's just the regular path in the mind and all we know is that we have an aversion to some things and actions without knowing how we developed those.

I guess the issue is not so much about regret but about letting the pain run your decision making system, it's about processing the experiences. Some people, or perhaps some experiences are just processed in our mind in a unusually negative way. The above example may not be very negative and, truth be told, it wouldn't deter me from placing another ad if I had another opportunity. But I can think of examples where bad experiences have greatly affected my subsequent decisions even if the costs to me are minimal and the expected result is positive. And yes, so many of those are related to dating.

[Mark]

(05-04-2012 10:19 AM)Alvar Wrote:  I guess the issue is not so much about regret but about letting the pain run your decision making system, it's about processing the experiences. Some people, or perhaps some experiences are just processed in our mind in a unusually negative way. The above example may not be very negative and, truth be told, it wouldn't deter me from placing another ad if I had another opportunity. But I can think of examples where bad experiences have greatly affected my subsequent decisions even if the costs to me are minimal and the expected result is positive. And yes, so many of those are related to dating.

Yeah, I wasn't really vibing with what you were saying and understanding how it relates to regret. I get the insecurity and the acting based on pain thing, that's what I was seeing it as.

When I think of regret, I think of stuff like, "I didn't go see my grandmother in the hospital before she died," or "I started my brother smoking marijuana and now he got arrested," or something like that... major stuff that you regret and feel guilty about years and years later.

[Zac]

List Ideas

Awesome life "gurus" like Tolle, Brown, Glover, Dalai Lama.

Obscure roll models in general like Magic Johnson.

Men pushing humanity forward sternly and unapologetic like Tyson or Dawkins (I loved reading about Feynman on this site, seemed like he belonged).

Best guy movies. I know that might seem a little low brow at first but there are some pretty amazing movies out there in the world.

[Creatine Dreams]

This may have been already been written but an article on how to let go of a girl after you have been dumped would be nice!

[Zac]

Quote:This may have been already been written but an article on how to let go of a girl after you have been dumped would be nice!

Here you go Creatine

[Creatine Dreams]

Thank you sir!

[Zac]

I'd like to read an article about humanism.

[Edmond Dantès]

An article about taking steps towards a more meaningful life (and your experiences on this journey)

[Alvar]

"How feminism has failed women" (and men.) Just an idea, since you lately seem to be enjoying the heat, perhaps you could write about the downside of feminism.

[Mark]

(08-05-2012 11:33 PM)Alvar Wrote:  "How feminism has failed women" (and men.) Just an idea, since you lately seem to be enjoying the heat, perhaps you could write about the downside of feminism.

Already did, and yeah, it brought a good deal of heat.

http://postmasculine.com/why-im-not-a-feminist

[SeXyBaCk]

Anything controversial for me. I enjoy it.