Official Article Suggestion Thread

[questra]

Mark,

I'm still curious about the whole 'why musicians have success with women' thingy. Not sure if it's enough material to warrant a whole blog post, but perhaps you could elaborate further here in the forum otherwise

'Musicians usually have an interesting combination of being highly sensitive while still being left-brained and very rational.'

[Mark]

I don't think musicians necessarily have more success with women. I just meant I can see why musicians tend to read my stuff (I'm a musician as well).

Tons of musicians are shy, dweeby guys who don't get out enough and whose idea of fashion is their 1987 Iron Maiden tour T-shirt. If they had so much success with women, why would they be reading my site so regularly? Haha...

[ssowns]

I'd like to see an article on Self-reliance, I believe there is a section in models on it but I think it deserves an article. Especially these days, where people are staying at home for longer before they move out and relying heavily on their parents for more support. That is just one example, but in general being self - reliant massively impacts your success and I'd like to hear your take on it.

[machiavelli]

• Overthinking
  

Mark, I've noticed that you often say on the forums that someone is over thinking some situation/question. And sometimes, the reason why seems clear, but sometimes it doesn't -- and I get a sense that this connects to some of the deeper stuff (e.g., one might overthink interactions with a particular girl because one feels one has to work extra hard for her because one overvalues her relative to oneself, etc.)... but can you talk about it in general?

[TheBoss]

Career/job security/income during the global financial crisis.

[EGOT]

Forgiveness. What is it? How does it affect people at different stages of their lives? Your take on it. Forgiving those who have wronged us, from the minor to the major. Being forgiven for having wronged others.

[Zac]

An article about computer/internet addiction and how it can negatively impact your life. I'm pretty sure if I didn't force myself to go out half the time I wouldn't leave my room because I'm in love with my baby (computer). I'm pretty sure I'm a high functioning addict. I get anxiety when I eat my lunch at the table downstairs instead of at my desk.

[Prague]

I know a number of people who SAY they want to do or achieve something, then do the opposite. eg a student of mine requested we do 'presentations in English' so I attacked this area, and then I saw her less and less.

I see it too in the so-called community, and for example me, I took a while to get into Czech even though I knew how important it was.

So..why do people do this? And how can they resolve this problem? "Just do it" doesn't really cut it.

[Creatine Dreams]

Finding your purpose in life.

[Zac]

An article about how for some guys getting better with women should be #7 on their priority list and how they should obviously keep trying and taking chances but Jesus man get it together.

I really could have used this for a long time.

[Thor]

I would like to see an article for older guys in their 40s on meeting women. I dont mean meeting girls of a similiar age I am interested in meeting girls between the ages of 25 to 30. I have done loads of stuff in my life but I sometimes find it hard to convey it through my personality when it comes to talking to women.

[Alvar]

Willpower. Self-control. Habits. Values.

I'm just finishing "the power of habits", after reading a comment from Mark on a blogpost. I loved it. Before, I had read baumeister's Willpower, I really enjoyed the scientific content and absolutely hated the editorial content. The science behind willpower and habits are fascinating and have long term implications for what we seek here how we can change and work on ourselves.

Btw, thanks for putting out that post on dishing advice, which I had requested.

[crazyhorse]

(04-16-2012 01:06 PM)Alvar Wrote:  Willpower. Self-control. Habits. Values.

I'm just finishing "the power of habits", after reading a comment from Mark on a blogpost. I loved it. Before, I had read baumeister's Willpower, I really enjoyed the scientific content and absolutely hated the editorial content. The science behind willpower and habits are fascinating and have long term implications for what we seek here how we can change and work on ourselves.

Btw, thanks for putting out that post on dishing advice, which I had requested.

that's interesting Alvar.

What did you get out of it in terms of training your willpower? I'm now meditating everyday for 15 minutes. Sometimes I do three sessions a day.

What I've found to be very helpfull when it comes to willpower seems to be doing things that are difficult. Such as controlling urges etc...

Did you learn from the book then just that?

[Alvar]

The main take away from the book is that willpower is a limited resource. You can train it to grow, just like you train your muscles and you are better off using it wisely. Every time you control your emotions, take decisions or strain your will you draw from your willpower reserves, its the same stock for all your functions. Working under stress at work or school will draw from the resources that you use to keep a good diet, wear clean socks or exercise, so don't be surprised if you find yourself not caring much about your hygiene or physical condition. People deprived of will power have a hard time making decisions, taking risks and fall prey of temptations and sellers more easily.

To increase your self control you need to create habits, one at a time. Once an habit becomes engrained you don't need to exert much willpower to perform it, you can go and work on other habits. Habits are easier to adopt when they are aligned with your values and you have clear values. Most people, like me, have problems taking action because they have competing values pulling them in opposite directions.

Working on positive habits will strength other habits: if you work on meditating you may also improve your exercising routines and your study/work habits. The benefits spread throughout your life, so you shouldn't be surprise if you find yourself more motivated when following a no porn diet. You can earn benefits from something as silly as working on your posture or going for a daily walk.

What totally surprised me was finding that people who are "self discipline" actually use less willpower than those that struggle. They just rely on positive habits and have made decisions beforehand and pre-commitments that preclude them from even being tempted (say you struggle with porn, the best thing to do is to get porn-blocking software, better than having the temptation constantly taxing your willpower.) We just think we're weak for needing a blocker and don't give ourselves the credit we deserve. Just like the kids in the classical marshmallow experiment, learning to distract yourself from temptations is key.

Pre-commitment is something that I immediately picked on. First, I gave credit to myself for doing the easy things that changed my life in the last 2,5 years: cooking healthy and not buying sweets (I can eat la few ice-creams if I have it here), exercising daily. When we fall we chastise ourselves, when we do these easy things we are disappointed because they didn't really gave us a challenge.

Second, on March I took new monthly habits. This month habit is something I got from the book: every morning I have a period where I must either work or do nothing. I can not force myself to work on my project or read but I can not start distracting myself.

I've also learned to wait till my work mate has had his lunch to ask him for something, assuming it's also on his interest. People make better decisions an have more willpower after they have had food

[Chaos]

I'd like to suggest a new forum or subforum called Meta. Basically a place where we:

- suggest and discuss improvements to the site and the forum. Improvement, themes, etiquette, behaviour and so on.
- discuss the articles that are published. Sometimes comments are not good enough, specially of there's a debate going on.
- Questions about the products, questions about models or the connection program, etc
- Telling us what's going on, with the site, with the forum, with your lifes in Colombia

[Mark]

Not a bad idea... may do that.

[Alvar]

While you're at it, how about the subforum for journals?
There's a few folks writing their experiences and they often get discouraged pretty fast. Seeing others write theirs and that they too get little feedback (bc journaling should be mostly for oneself) should encourage more people to write down their experiences.

[crazyhorse]

(04-16-2012 02:46 PM)Alvar Wrote:  The main take away from the book is that willpower is a limited resource. You can train it to grow, just like you train your muscles and you are better off using it wisely. Every time you control your emotions, take decisions or strain your will you draw from your willpower reserves, its the same stock for all your functions. Working under stress at work or school will draw from the resources that you use to keep a good diet, wear clean socks or exercise, so don't be surprised if you find yourself not caring much about your hygiene or physical condition. People deprived of will power have a hard time making decisions, taking risks and fall prey of temptations and sellers more easily.

To increase your self control you need to create habits, one at a time. Once an habit becomes engrained you don't need to exert much willpower to perform it, you can go and work on other habits. Habits are easier to adopt when they are aligned with your values and you have clear values. Most people, like me, have problems taking action because they have competing values pulling them in opposite directions.

Working on positive habits will strength other habits: if you work on meditating you may also improve your exercising routines and your study/work habits. The benefits spread throughout your life, so you shouldn't be surprise if you find yourself more motivated when following a no porn diet. You can earn benefits from something as silly as working on your posture or going for a daily walk.

What totally surprised me was finding that people who are "self discipline" actually use less willpower than those that struggle. They just rely on positive habits and have made decisions beforehand and pre-commitments that preclude them from even being tempted (say you struggle with porn, the best thing to do is to get porn-blocking software, better than having the temptation constantly taxing your willpower.) We just think we're weak for needing a blocker and don't give ourselves the credit we deserve. Just like the kids in the classical marshmallow experiment, learning to distract yourself from temptations is key.

Pre-commitment is something that I immediately picked on. First, I gave credit to myself for doing the easy things that changed my life in the last 2,5 years: cooking healthy and not buying sweets (I can eat la few ice-creams if I have it here), exercising daily. When we fall we chastise ourselves, when we do these easy things we are disappointed because they didn't really gave us a challenge.

Second, on March I took new monthly habits. This month habit is something I got from the book: every morning I have a period where I must either work or do nothing. I can not force myself to work on my project or read but I can not start distracting myself.

I've also learned to wait till my work mate has had his lunch to ask him for something, assuming it's also on his interest. People make better decisions an have more willpower after they have had food

Yep this is my experience with willpower as well! F.E. when I'm in my student appartment it's way easier to maintain a healthy diet, simply because there arn't any sweets in the house. At home it's different because there are temptations.

Your best bet is always to design your environment in such a way that you don't need to use a lot willpower. Steve Pavlina has a great series about this. He says willpower is for short sprints and discipline (habbits) is for a marathon.

When it comes to willpower it doesn't matterr how strong it is, all that matters is when it's weak.

I'm also going to focus on one thing at a time. I find it to be way more productive to focus on one habbit and then later another one.

thanks for the reply!

[Creatine Dreams]

I think an article regarding addictions would be great. I am addicted to activities, people and substances.

[Alvar]

(04-17-2012 01:49 PM)crazyhorse Wrote:  Yep this is my experience with willpower as well! F.E. when I'm in my student appartment it's way easier to maintain a healthy diet, simply because there arn't any sweets in the house. At home it's different because there are temptations.

Interestingly, the authors claim that loosing weight has very little correlation with self-control, due to our biological makings.

Writing that reply made me realise that I excel at distracting myself - for good and for bad, but have much to improve when it comes to resist impulsiveness. For next month's habit I will be taking on meditation, after reading Mark's post. Meditation also activates parts of the brain associated with self-control.

Just found an awesome flowchart for habit changing, from Duhigg's book:


  breaking_habits_flowchart.jpg (Size: 469.15 KB / Downloads: 14)

From http://charlesduhigg.com/flowchart-for-changing-habits/

[Mark]

Duhigg's book is excellent. I'm having my interns read it.

[Zac]

Can't your interns just read that flow chart now =P

[Edmond Dantès]

I would really love to read an article about working after you finish college. I have a clear vision about what kind of career/vision/life purpose I want to pursue when I finish college.

But the point is: Through all the involvement in self-development, I feel contempt and fear when I think of a regular "nine to five job" company job, because I associate a lot of bad attributes to it by reading books like "The Four Hour Workweek"

For example: no real room for self-expression, lousy payment or payment that could be better, unflexible workhours and so on...

It's just this feeling of "I have to become an independent entrepeneur otherwise I won't be happy or ever satisfied with my job situation" that keeps me up at night. And I'm asking myself, is this really the truth? Isn't your picture a bit distorted? Can't you see all the advantages of a "safe desktop job"? But even if I would be aware of all the negatives and positives of being independent vs working for a company, I'm not sure how I'll decide.

So a little comparison of the advantages/disadvantages of both worlds coming from your point of view and with your experience would be an article, I would really like to read.

[Mark]

Not a bad idea for an article. FWIW, a LOT of people are very happily employed at regular desk jobs. It's a matter of finding what you love and what aligns with your values. Whether you're starting a business or not is kind of an effect of that.

Here's an example of a 9-5 "desk job" that would be fucking amazing:
http://blogs.valvesoftware.com/abrash/va...m-doing-2/

The main differences are that in entrepreneurship, you take on a lot of risk and hardship, but you also stand to benefit a LOT if you succeed (which is unlikely). A lot of people like the idea of starting their own business, but they don't see the 16-hour days working by yourself, putting weeks of time and effort into projects that lose you money, the immense amount of stress and pressure, and the constant uncertainty of not knowing if what you're doing is what you should be doing. A desk job gives you stability, a clear-cut purpose and task, and colleagues to work with. If it's a job that makes you happy and has a lot of room for advancement, then that's awesome.

Also, just because someone starts a business doesn't mean they have their purpose/passion nailed. My business has changed shape multiple times in the past five years and is STILL not exactly where I want it. That's the thing if you're an entrepreneur, you don't actually know if it's going to make you happy or it's going to end up being what you want or what you think... sometimes you do it and then realize afterwards, "Wait, this isn't what I wanted."

I think I will always be an entrepreneur and self-employed more because I don't handle authority well and I thrive without structure. The authority thing is just me kind of being a dick, but the second thing is rare... most people need structure and a lot of it. I learn more and accomplish more when I'm self-directed. It makes me much happier as well.

[seele]

I would like to get an article who lives a corporate life, with little free time on how to get opportunities for meeting women (and workplace is not an option).