Official Article Suggestion Thread

[Mark]

There will be more articles on self esteem in the coming months, although it's such a big and deep topic that I probably won't really dig into it until I do my "inner game" type seminar later in the year.

[The Notorious PhD]

If you feel comfortable doing it, I think it would be massively helpful to share some personal experiences of self-doubt and how you overcame it, outside of a woman/dating context.

For example, when you were starting your business, I'm sure there were moments you despaired "What if this doesn't happen?" What if I don't make it?" "What if my content isn't good enough?"

How do you keep pushing despite setbacks. And conversely how do you decide you've given it your best and perhaps it's time to change course.

Edit: Thank you!

[Mark]

(03-20-2012 07:01 PM)The Notorious PhD Wrote:  If you feel comfortable doing it, I think it would be massively helpful to share some personal experiences of self-doubt and how you overcame it, outside of a woman/dating context.

For example, when you were starting your business, I'm sure there were moments you despaired "What if this doesn't happen?" What if I don't make it?" "What if my content isn't good enough?"

How do you keep pushing despite setbacks. And conversely how do you decide you've given it your best and perhaps it's time to change course.

Edit: Thank you!

I had these thoughts more or less daily for 2+ years. This would be a great article. Thanks.

[Zac]

I'd like to see more articles about relationships, how to treat girls you are in a relationship with, how to keep things interesting, ect.

I know it's kind of like, "keep being awesome like you were before" but I think there is still some room to work with this topic overall.

[The Notorious PhD]

Here's a somewhat vague suggestion: how to live an engaged, passionate, wonderful life. As in, from your personal experience, what mindsets, habits, actions can one take to craft a happy life.

Although, come to think of it, PM as a whole conveys just that. Still, I think a retrospective essay in which you share your own efforts at crafting the kind of life you want could be instructive (I'm thinking something along the lines of to the "15 things" essay, but about Life).

[crazyhorse]

(03-08-2012 12:10 AM)Alvar Wrote:  I didn't pay much attention to men's rights issues but I found TDOM's comments very intriguing and fascinating (here) and left me very curious. I'd like to see that subject explored in the blog - I guess someone else already mentioned masculinity, but this may be require a look from a different perspective.

I agree with this as well. I've been searching the internet for a while in order to find a good website about men's rights issues. Which is becoming more and more necessary these days.

Whereas if you look at the feminist perspective on this website, it has already been given a lot of attention.

[Mark]

I plan on doing an article on the men's rights movement at some point. Unfortunately, almost every site I've found has been teeming with misogyny. I hate to say it, but feminists are light-years ahead when it comes to the gender discussion and despite their problems, seem to be much more capable of talking about the issues rationally and with authority. If you noticed, on my "Why I'm Not a Feminist" post, many feminists posted that although they disagreed with me, they respected my opinion and enjoyed the article. Surprisingly, it was the MRA guys who threw a huge fit and flamed me, despite the fact that I just wrote a 4,000 word article explaining why I was NOT a feminist.

[crazyhorse]

(03-26-2012 12:04 AM)Mark Wrote:  I plan on doing an article on the men's rights movement at some point. Unfortunately, almost every site I've found has been teeming with misogyny. I hate to say it, but feminists are light-years ahead when it comes to the gender discussion and despite their problems, seem to be much more capable of talking about the issues rationally and with authority. If you noticed, on my "Why I'm Not a Feminist" post, many feminists posted that although they disagreed with me, they respected my opinion and enjoyed the article. Surprisingly, it was the MRA guys who threw a huge fit and flamed me, despite the fact that I just wrote a 4,000 word article explaining why I was NOT a feminist.

True. But I wouldn't make generalizations like that about the feminist movement. Everytime I state a critical opinion of feminism, I always have to deal with statements such as "you are a mysogonist", "you are just afraid of strong women" etc.. While in fact, I love confident women. But these days it's these gigantic waves of female chauvinism that turn me off. Combine that with the incapability of dealing with statistics. Well, that's a great recipe for building a cult.

Also, you gave a bad rep to the men's right movement. You immediately linked them to guys like roissy and roosh and placed them immediately in the mysogonistic department. That's exactly what feminists do! I placed a couple of comments regarding the myth of the rape statistics on your blog post. Nobody replied to it. The only reason feminists didn't attack you, was because you stated that you found it to be offensive, you didn't attack the existence of it. If you would have done the latter, their tones would have been very different.

I'm not a men's right activist myself, but these days, I can't ignore the feeling that we're living more and more in female paradise. Yet, at the same time, we still havn't got rid of certain myths (gender wage gap, rape statistics...). We are also becoming more and more blind to the fact, that there are indeed fundamental differences between men and women. But if you state these, hey, you're a mysogonist.

Although I have a feeling that it's loosing it's grip on our current society. I live in Belgium and it seems that it's becoming more and more acceptable to be critical of the feminist movement. A couple of years ago, a women, published a book called "the myth of the glass ceiling". She used very convincing arguments, and called feminist, "sexist people with a meddling attitude".

This is also why I disagree with paul. According to me, men really don't have that much of an issue with changing roles, or a changing environment . It's the dumbification of our sex, that turns us off. If you act masculine, you're a member of the patriarchy. If you act feminine, "see I told you, men are finished".

This argument isn't waterproof, but it's definetly an impression that I've been having lately. But hey, at least I have the guts to say that my impressions arn't waterproof.

Unlike, a certain movement I could name .

[Mark]

I find it kind of funny that you tell me not to make generalizations about the feminist movement and then go on to make three paragraphs of generalizations about the feminist movement.

I never said that there wasn't reverse-discrimination or that a lot of feminists weren't idiots. There is and many are. I've just found the discourse within the feminist movement to be much more advanced than the few MRA sites I've read (In Malafide, A Voice for Men, etc.). There's a wide spectrum of feminists and many of them are forward-thinking and able to have very rational arguments. I can't say I've found the same for the men's movement (yet).

And I don't think we live in a women's paradise. Both genders have a laundry list of problems they have to deal with. Just because we don't experience their problems or they don't experience our problems doesn't mean they don't exist. Just because women have made some gains that may be unfair to men, doesn't mean that men haven't done the same thing or don't already have the same thing.

Personally I think distinguishing between gender should only happen if absolutely necessary. I think both feminists and anti-feminists insert gender arguments into all sorts of places where they shouldn't be and make assumptions about each other with little to no basis.

This is the whole problem with defining movements based on gender. It provides incentive to look at the world through the lens of gender and draw lines where they don't necessarily need to be. If we care about uniting people under fair treatment and human rights, shouldn't we have a humanist movement?

Social change has rarely occurred through pointing fingers and blaming. It's always come through standing up and having the courage to include the other group rather than fighting them. Think Martin Luther King or Gandhi.

And of course, I'm endlessly fascinated by the fact that this "gender war" more or less doesn't exist outside of western, English-speaking culture. I can't help but think it's not a coincidence.

[crazyhorse]

Well, to be honest, it's rare for me to come across feminists who don't have an absurd view on equalty. I'm also amazed by how they manage to dominate the public opinion so easily. I remember when I was in Brussels, I got interviewed by college students, "sir what is your opinion on the glass ceiling and the wage gap?". Off course, I gave them an awnser that was rather unusual for them.

Why do you think I don't define myself as a men's right activist? It's simple. Because I want to see these issues being discussed from a gender neutral point of view. A perspective where society as a whole could benefit from these. For example if you look at the reason that there is a gender wage gap, it's mainly because a lot of women tend to work in social professions (teacher, social worker etc.). The majority of these jobs don't earn that much pay. I wouldn't mind if these jobs would get more pay, but that's a different topic.

When I mentioned women's paradise, I refered to the existence of quota, child care etc. Quota means that a certain percentage of women should always be available in high ranking positions. A politician suggested this in Holland, a quota of 30% for women in high ranking positions. Not even 25% of the women work full time. So what does this mean? If you are a women, you now have the right to work part time at a high ranking position. I find this to be very discriminating to people who have to work full time. To say the least, an entrepreneur should always be able to select his own staff. In norway, the penalty for neglecting quota, means that you're company won't be allowed to exist anymore. Child care, is another funny storry. In the scandinavian countries, they believed that free child care, would allow women to work in high ranking positions. Well the results weren't quite what they expected, they have created 10.000 extra jobs in child care. All of which are financed by the government.

Perhaps I wasn't being fair with the term female paradise, but I find that our society is starting to neglect the male perspective.

The fact that a lot of these topics are quite touchy, and politically correct, isn't making it easier to adress these. Recently I skimmed through a school newspaper from our local school. I actually found myself to be astonished, when I started reading the comments. All these kids were shouting "men still earn more then women", "women have to work three times harder as a man to earn promotion". What annoys me with this, is that people have never asked themselves how they came up with thee statements. We just accept it, without questioning it. Now this, is a real danger.

We will know, as a society, that we have evolved and have reached the point of equilibrium, when we can look at society’s issues from a point of gender neutrality. An attempt that neither the feminist movement, nor the men’s right movement has succeeded at. This requires more then just vague intentions, idealizations pulled from thin air and shouting sexist remarks back and forth.

No, this requires statesmanship, real leadership

ah we'll see what the future will bring us.

[Mark]

Well, it looks like we agree on a lot.

One of the problems, I think, is that generally women vote more often than men. And it's also still seen as inappropriate to oppose a pro-woman position. So supporting feminists policies is a pretty easy way for politicians to cash in on votes.

There are some smart, forward-thinking feminists, you just kind of have to look for them.

Paul's a good example though. There are a lot of things Paul and I don't agree on, but it's clear we share the same values and he's willing to have an open discussion about it.

[Mark]

BTW, if you want to read a reasonable and smart feminist, check out Clarisse Thorn, the girl who interviewed me last week:

http://clarissethorn.com/blog/

I originally traded emails with her back when I was reading up on feminism, but we've become somewhat of friends now. She's very smart and one of the few feminist writers that I find agreeing with most of what she says.

Unfortunately, some of her views are not accepted by mainstream feminism though.

[crazyhorse]

thanks for the open discussion about it.

I was about to ask some good sources to study feminism.

Seems like I'll start with Clarisse thorn.

We might as well start understanding each other first, since in the end, it's going to have to be both men and women who take control of this. Not soleley men's right activists or feminists.

[Traindom]

After hearing feedback on Australia from this forum, I think it'd be awesome if you could write an article on why you personally are jaded with the U.S. and find other countries more appealing. I don't know about others, but I definitely find it extremely curious how much travel has shifted your perspectives on the world as a whole.

[Oli]

Suggestion: What are boundaries and how to set them

[Guyintheback]

(04-01-2012 01:05 AM)gabe Wrote:  Suggestion: What are boundaries and how to set them

+1 on that.

As a slowly recovering Nice Guy, I don't have a lot of reference experiences about what is okay as a boundary, and what is out of proportion/overreacting.

[FirstAidKit]

(04-01-2012 01:05 AM)gabe Wrote:  Suggestion: What are boundaries and how to set them

I'm going to take a moment to plug one of my favourite blogs ever, Captain Awkward. It's an advice column and tons of the questions deal with setting and maintaining boundaries.

I wish there was more good discussion about men's issues on the internet, but the typical 'manosphere' is just abysmal... mostly just a bunch of angry dudes circle jerking rage all over each other. It's pretty ironic that one of the more interesting sites was started by a woman :No Seriously, what about the menz?

I think Clarisse Thorn is one of my favourite feminist writers at the moment, and if you like her you might enjoy Greta Christina, though she writes more about atheism than sex these days. Oh! and Holly over at The Pervocracy

[FirstAidKit]

Sorry for the double post - but I just bought Clarisse's book, and it's super good and you should all buy it.

[Creatine Dreams]

Thanks for posting those blogs, FirstAidKit. Really good stuff. Pretty surprised at the network of contributors that make up the ":No Seriously, what about the menz?" blog...

[Guyintheback]

(04-01-2012 10:18 AM)FirstAidKit Wrote:  I wish there was more good discussion about men's issues on the internet, but the typical 'manosphere' is just abysmal... mostly just a bunch of angry dudes circle jerking rage all over each other.

I thought for a while I had found a good site when I stumbled across "The Art of Manliness".

Unfortunately, most of the discussions on the site are either way over-intellectualized, or they fall in the range of "What is the manliest martial art?", "Is it manly to wear cologne?" etc.

I still read the articles, though, some of them are really interesting.

Also, I don't really see the point of discussing men's issues. Maybe because I already read a lot about that topic, which ultimately only lead to bitterness on my side without solving anything.
In my opinion, if you overcome your insecurities and fear, everything else will play itself out.

[Thenewguy]

Something that lays out clearly and exactly why trying to date girls with trust issues is in fact needy on your part. In the case that she actually has an awesome personality and complements you in every way, but was just screwed over by too many guys in her past and is just reasonably protecting herself.

In my head I have a vague idea why this would be considered needy because of the work required to be with her compared to other girls, but it still feels like it can be heavily argued against.

[Mark]

(04-04-2012 02:41 AM)Thenewguy Wrote:  Something that lays out clearly and exactly why trying to date girls with trust issues is in fact needy on your part. In the case that she actually has an awesome personality and complements you in every way, but was just screwed over by too many guys in her past and is just reasonably protecting herself.

In my head I have a vague idea why this would be considered needy because of the work required to be with her compared to other girls, but it still feels like it can be heavily argued against.

Dating girls with trust issues isn't in and itself needy (although these women tend to be needy and attract needy men).

What's needy is trying to FIX a girl's issues for her.

[Thenewguy]

Isn't trying to date a girl with trust issues essentially you trying to FIX her trust issues? After all, there's no real connection going on if she doesn't trust you. And without a connection there's no real reason to date.

[Mark]

It's not so black/white. It's not like trust is all or nothing. It comes and goes, grows and shrinks.

A person can have trust issues but have a pretty healthy grasp on them and be a wonderful person to date. You can date them without trying to fix them.

[Trickster]

I'd think an article about recognizing and handling emotions, especially the irrational ones, would be very useful for a lot of guys (me included). I think the impulse for many guys is to either repress or overindulge your emotions, especially when something bad happens.

It's like: go out with a girl, getting really really excited about her even though you don't know much about her. Recognize this is happening and ask why you're placing so much value into someone you don't know that well. Behave accordingly.

If the girl you like a lot, for whatever reason, decides to break it off, be realistic about the reasons. A lot of people, it seems, go to two extremes: either saying "fuck it I didn't care about that bitch to begin with" (repression) or go into extreme self-hate self-martyrdom mode (over-inulgence) both of which are unrealistic responses and breed sometimes unhealthy behavior.