OMG WOW, wow, I can't believe it, came this far and still it comes back!

[Reesays]

Man oh man. Today was a wreck indeed. So for the past few months I have managed to score dates, made out with one girl (didn't have sex though), gone to parties, and literally turned my social life around but, here it is, BACK AGAIN with a vengeance. OMG.

As many of you know, due to how I was raised and my setting, I grew up with an insecurity about being an Indian guy. Mainly, this insecurity in the dating world is where it gets me.

I mean it is like being the incredible hulk. For a long time I went without ever thinking about it and now here it is, just came back.

For nearly minutes today I wondered if I could score a good looking girl from another race (yes I went there). Thing is, I saw this beautiful Blonde today at Starbucks and her boyfriend was some White guy and somehow I just looked down. In Media, Indian guys are only shown with Indian girls and people all over the internet think Indian men dating interracial is not possible.

My biggest fear again is moving to my favorite state (California) and realizing that the racism that runs down here in the deep south is just as common there.

For a long time I went without even paying attention to this or even thinking about it but VUELA, today it just came back.

To those who have dealt with racial insecurities, what advice do you have to offer me? (all except Baller can offer advice unless he is actually going to offer legit advice instead of taking this thread as some chance to show the world how bad I am in his eyes and take childish shots at me)

[SeXyBaCk]

Voilà?

The advice can be found in the earlier threads, go look there. I doubt it's changed since then. I can't tell you anything, I've not experienced any racism. I still think your perception of racism is vastly exaggerated however. But yes, people are racist, to a certain extent I believe we are programmed to be wary of the unknown and people escalate on that natural fear. But you know who might have experience with this? Baller and IDEngager, they both have an asian background I believe.

[Creatine Dreams]

Dude you will be fine in California. Land of opportunity and people will only judge you if you act insecure, not based on being Indian...

[IdEngager]

Haha man, I just stumbled on this when I got home. Thank you SeXy for the shoutout, I am indeed of Asian descent.

Reesays, you are 19/20 and from Georgia? I spent the last week down in Savannah.

Look man, you seem like a nice kid. I may have come in and snarked on a couple of your topics before, but you seem like a good guy. I've seen your picture, and you're good looking. If I had any advice for you though, it would be to chill the fuck out and let life come to you. I hope you succeed, make a ton of money, and make beautiful black/brown/white babies with some pretty girl.

I grew up with Indian people. I went to engineering school, and lived with a bunch of Indian roommates at one point. I've been dragged to plenty of Indian parties before, and I understand there's some weird complicated issues there. Not going to pretend that I understand those issues completely, but I've seen it.

California is not going to be a panacea for all your problems! I love the place and it'll always be the place I consider home, but it's a place for self-starters if there ever was one. Things are far apart, people can be closed off, it's really a place where you have to take care of yourself to get ahead socially or professionally (I can get into the good parts about living here later).

Honestly, if I had one piece of advice for you that you would actually follow and actually go through with, it would be to really get into one thing that had nothing to do with girls and nothing to do with validating yourself socially. Start a band, write a book, join some martial art, join the rugby team, fucking join ballet, do some shit you lose yourself in and enjoy.

At this point, I've probably gone out with more non-Asian girls than Asian girls. And you know what? Girls are all the same! My prom date and first girl I ever slept with? Latina. Last girl I went out with? White (and a ginger). Girl I'm going out with next week? Indian! (She's hot too, her mom was in Bollywood) But they all pretty much thought the same, they all just wanna get by in life and find some cute guy who's fun and they can count on.

I'm not gonna pretend I've never experienced any sort of dating racism. It used to get me really down before, especially in college, when I'd meet a girl and she'd be like "Oh I'm only attracted to white guys". It's happened before and then I grew from 19 to my mid 20s and I realized a) these girls didn't know what they really want and b) what am I bringing to the table? I'm also short and look several years younger than my age, but what the fuck can I do about that?

Only so much shit you can control man. Do you get along with people? Are you a fun person to be around? Do you have anything going for you? How is your look?

Ay dios mio. Enjoy your life for once dude. I didn't lose my virginity til I was your age (I think you're 19) and I won't pretend I was some sort of sex god that first time. I've fucked some fat chicks that I wouldn't even be friends with on Facebook. There's at least a few girls who've wanted to kill me for being such a douchebag, which is probably warranted.

But goddamn just stop worrying about shit you can't control. Why the fuck do you care that this blonde chick has a boyfriend? Good for her, she deserves to get laid too! What the fuck does that have to do with being racist! What the hell would you do if you met this girl and she was single? Would you be so caught up in yourself or be ready for the moment?

[Reesays]

In front of me, I envision a life, I envision a life of being successful and marrying a woman that is not Indian (don't even ask me why but I am not dating or marrying an Indian woman, period). Thing is, I see all of these successful Indian men, Bollywood actors more successful than I can ever imagine to be and they are all married to Indian woman. Makes me wonder endlessly, is it because the beautiful latina, Blonde, or Brunette doesn't want them?

I envision my life of being in a better state and dating beautiful women all across the color spectrum (except for Indian women) but I get freaked out and freezed up thinking what if they disqualify me right off the bat for being Indian? I somehow think that California might be one of those states where everyone stereotypes you and if you aren't White then you are screwed socially. I mean it just makes me think all sorts of crazy stuff.

You went to Savannah?

That place is laid back, try living in South GA.

[Mark]

As it stands, the racism is going to follow you no matter where you go in the world because you are perceiving everything through a racist lens.

You hate being Indian, so you project onto others that they dislike you because you're Indian. This will be true in Georgia, California, Maine, or wherever you go. The solution is to come to terms with your identity and accept it, be proud of it even. Instead of seeing yourself as the victim of racist stereotypes you could choose to be proud of defying stereotypes.

[TexasFan]

I was born Nepal. Moved to the united states with my parents. Dad wasn't around a lot. Got bullied in high school too. Didn't have a lot of friends and my social life was pretty much non exisistant apart from a few acquaintances.

Now my life has changed drastically. I'm more confident, have countless friends and acquaintances. Thanks majorly to the pua community and this site. Back then I really thought I was a victim of society and I was meant to be in such a situation and couldn't do anything about it. Until I realized that there is only one person who is the boss of me, dictates how I feel, is responsible for everything that happens in my life and so on. And that's me. Fucking me! I stopped give a fuck about stuff that is not in my control.

That girl thinks I'm a creep? She may or may not. But it's not in my control

People are not gonna accept me because I'm brown? They may or may not but guess what? That's not in my control

I used to hate my parents and stuff that happened in my life too and projected that insecurity onto others. I used to find flaws in people and hated them for it. These flaws were mostly the ones that were present in myself.

I started accepting myself and started to invest in my own perception of me. This is where my journey began!

These days I am not afraid to go up to white girls, hispanic girls, Asian girls and tell them straight up that they're cute. Sure not all of them are gonna like me but the ones that do didn't really respond to what race or color I am but my overall boldness/honesty and confidence/ the way I presented myself.

Like you I also have an ego issue when it comes to Indian girls. Since they are the same race as me I project my insecurities onto them. I look for flaws. I still do this and am trying to quit. It's a bad habit that is going to take me no where in life.

Deep down inside I actually found out that I love Indian/Nepali/south Asian girls. Mostly because I started to watch Bollywood movies with my mom. (Anushka sharma is a goddess and I would marry her in a heart beat)

Not trying to brag here but I wanted to show you where I come from because I feel like you could relate to this story.

Now, you can come and bitch on these forum and tell everyone how fucked up the world is and give yourself reasons to not take responsibility all you want or you can go take on the world however it is. Fucked up or not.

Honestly I don't think none of us give a shit. We can only give you some advice. It is your responsibility to change and apply it.

No offense

[Guyintheback]

(05-14-2012 06:55 AM)TexasFan Wrote:  Honestly I don't think none of us give a shit. We can only give you some advice. It is your responsibility to change and apply it.

No offense

Well, I do care a bit since I can relate: It is terrible to have big insecurities. And it is (for me at least) so fucking hard to get over them.

But the thing is, Reesays, if you just post your same opinion here over and over again, you are never going to change things. People have given you so much advice.

I'm not really in a position to give advice, since I'm trying to get over insecurities myself and haven't succeeded yet.
But I think that Mark is right: Maybe you should see a therapist to get the process of changing your perception of the world started. That is not an easy thing to do by yourself, if you have been conditioned your whole life to look at other people a certain way.

I myself hate asking for help, it gives me physical discomfort (which is part of the Nice Guy Syndrome I learned), but sometimes it is the only way and the best way and even the easiest way.

I personally hope that you will be able to live the life you want.


@TexasFan: Could you explain what you mean by "started accepting myself and started to invest in my own perception of me."?
I hear that a lot lately, but I'm not sure how to do that.

[TexasFan]

(05-14-2012 07:30 AM)Guyintheback Wrote:  

(05-14-2012 06:55 AM)TexasFan Wrote:  Honestly I don't think none of us give a shit. We can only give you some advice. It is your responsibility to change and apply it.

No offense

Well, I do care a bit since I can relate: It is terrible to have big insecurities. And it is (for me at least) so fucking hard to get over them.

But the thing is, Reesays, if you just post your same opinion here over and over again, you are never going to change things. People have given you so much advice.

I'm not really in a position to give advice, since I'm trying to get over insecurities myself and haven't succeeded yet.
But I think that Mark is right: Maybe you should see a therapist to get the process of changing your perception of the world started. That is not an easy thing to do by yourself, if you have been conditioned your whole life to look at other people a certain way.

I myself hate asking for help, it gives me physical discomfort (which is part of the Nice Guy Syndrome I learned), but sometimes it is the only way and the best way and even the easiest way.

I personally hope that you will be able to live the life you want.


@TexasFan: Could you explain what you mean by "started accepting myself and started to invest in my own perception of me."?
I hear that a lot lately, but I'm not sure how to do that.

It all comes down to what is In your control. Whatever others may think of you is not something you can control. So therefore worrying and it I not gonna gain you anything. By investing in your own perception I mean putting a priority on what you think about yourself, not what others think about you. Mark goes into about this in models alot. It really didn't make sense to me at first but after i started really observing other confident people out there I realized that deep down inside that's the root of everything that makes them who they are. They just put in a lot of priority on how they see themselves. Not the other way around. I feel like after this started to make sense to me alot of the social pressure that I used to feel kinda evaporated.

It's still a hard mindset to adopt though. And I am still learning. But I found out that everything unattractive thing, insecurity and bull shit thoughts that I used to have came from not adopting this mindset.

---

Oh and meditation also helps. Try it!

[baller08]

(05-13-2012 04:44 AM)Reesays Wrote:  Man oh man. Today was a wreck indeed. So for the past few months I have managed to score dates, made out with one girl (didn't have sex though), gone to parties, and literally turned my social life around but, here it is, BACK AGAIN with a vengeance. OMG.

For a long time I went without even paying attention to this or even thinking about it but VUELA, today it just came back.

Reesays, read what you wrote above again.


Now read what I wrote to you in early April:

Quote:But all of your actions get poisoned because your words are corrupt. Your words are corrupt because your thoughts are corrupt. That is why no matter what anyone tells you and no matter what little progress you've made, you always slide back to square one. (Original Post)

Is that not exactly what happened? These fears of yours didn't "come back", they never went away. You feed them daily and you've made a very comfortable home for them in your mind.

“Watch your thoughts, for they become words.
Watch your words, for they become actions.
Watch your actions, for they become habits.
Watch your habits, for they become character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”

---

You're an Excuse Making Machine. For example, you made a big rant about how the late 90's and early 2000's where a better time. Yet, many times here you have complained that women have a preconceive notion that you're a terriorist and/or you remind them of one.

Do you think if you were 19 years old in October 2001 that your dating life would have been easier? That your life would have been better?

You see what I mean? You're just an Excuse Making Machine. Till you stop making excuses and change your entire thought process....you will experience women rejecting you no matter where in the world you go. They're not rejecting your heritage or skin color....they're rejecting you as a person because your thoughts are so poisonous.

[IdEngager]

Honestly the most annoying part of Reesays posts, and I realize that a) he is reading this and b) Mark, TexasFan, and baller have touched on this already, is that he consistently projects his own thoughts or biases on subjects or other people that quite frankly he has no reference point to or straight up doesn't know shit about. This goes both positively and negatively, but going either way doesn't help in the long run. Things being better in the 90s. Constant racism everywhere. The wonderland California.

I'm not saying that we aren't all guilty of this sometimes, cause we all are, and some of it does have a basis in truth. But it's something that I've stewed upon for a while when thinking about racism and stereotypes. Positive stereotypes can be just as damaging as negative ones. For example, Asians are supposed to be good at math, and indeed, I was a math minor in college (albeit arguably the worst math minor in UCLA history). But why can't I be a dropout artist that smokes a lot of weed instead? Would I disappoint you if I sucked at math?

That's not to say this should be some PC world or that I haven't said things among friends that would make Chris Rock blush. But no one and no thing in the world owes you shit. You don't deserve to get laid simply cause you're horny and have a dick. California doesn't have to be a racial utopic wonderland (I'd argue it's quite the opposite in a lot of places). No one owes you shit.

None of us know exactly what's going in each other's heads and we can only control so much in our lives. Indeed, I would have like to grown to about 6-8 (or 6-3, being 6-8 makes a lot of things awkward) with hops so I could play in the NBA, but we're all just trying to make the best of our lot in life. But you'll be surprised how far you'll get in life by being a good person and bringing good vibes and making the most of everything you do have. Instead of focusing on every minor misstep, try celebrating what you did well for a change?

"Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do." - John R. Wooden

[Jon]

1) You were at a starbucks and you became depressed that A white girl was dating A white guy? Jesus christ it doesn't take much to upset you.

2) You know, one big reason why Bollywood actors are married to indian women is that most Bollywood actors LIVE IN INDIA. Most women in India ARE INDIAN.

Also, didn't Rajiv Gandhi marry an italian woman, who is now running the Congress party? That's a rhetorical question, by the way.

[Mark]

Quote:1) You were at a starbucks and you became depressed that A white girl was dating A white guy? Jesus christ it doesn't take much to upset you.

2) You know, one big reason why Bollywood actors are married to indian women is that most Bollywood actors LIVE IN INDIA. Most women in India ARE INDIAN.

lol, the obviousness of these statements is incredible when you write them like that.

[SeXyBaCk]

Some random stuff:

- Starbucks depresses me period. Stop buying there. Down with global conglomerates (just sounds better than companies)!

- The Gandhis and other prestigious indian families have married italians. Maybe italia is the promised land?

- Shahrukh Khan's wife was at a wedding reception I was at, she was hot, but getting on a bit. But definitely hot.

- My SoCal born and raised, quarter korean, quarter japanese, quarter french, quarter irish Ex was the most racially prejudiced person I've ever been in close contact with. She also liked the death penalty and was a member of the republican party, but those are side notes. But as you might have guessed, she's smoking hot. Something's gotta give after all.

Ree you're in a funk. You need to have some fun. I don't want to be the person advocating this, but maybe you should drink some more and do a little drugs or something?

[Traindom]

Hey Reesays, why don't you try asking yourself, "Why?" Whenever I find myself feeling negative emotions about people or things that are wholly unjustified or baseless, I just ask myself, "Why? Why do I feel this way about this?" You present the problem, ask yourself why, and give an answer. It doesn't have to be the "correct" answer because you're going to question it too. You can keep this up until you feel you've gotten a better grip on the situation. The questions can morph as needed. It's not a panacea but it's a step towards beating this problem of yours.

It does mimic therapy in a way, but I still find it very helpful. One day I found myself with negative emotions about a girl in a class of mine. I didn't know her, so the emotions were unjustified. So something was wrong here. I questioned myself. I asked myself a series of questions that made it emotionally clear that this anger was unjustified. Did I know her? Did I ever talk to her? No. Should I feel any emotion for someone who I've never met? No. I realized that it was just a projection of my insecurity of not getting validation.

Try it. It's worked wonders on two cases for me. It really helps you get intact with your emotions. After I diffused my inner anger towards the girl, I did not feel any positive or negative emotions for her, as it should be since I didn't even know her.

[Reesays]

There is a left and right. This forum in a way attempts to shelter guys by telling them after a while race becomes negligible. Wish it, want it, be it, etc. If life was truly like that, then Mental Heath experts would be out of jobs and the world would be full of smiles. On the other hand, forums like say Bodybuilding.com do the exact opposite. They tell people that without "aesthetics" you can't get the girl of your dreams or marry a good looking woman, also depressing.

Just like what I learned with Resonance Structures in chemistry, there are "hybrid structures" which are the correct structures, a mixed bag (Roosh's forum would be a resonance structures with charges misplaced and elements lacking octets). No insult but this place is no better than Bodybuilding.com because both places have:

1. Helpful members
2. People who don't deal with constant excuses

I didn't get mad at White guys dating White girls, I mean that is just stupid. I was mad that the guy could get a beautiful Blonde down here because he was White, something I would probably get killed for because this place is so d*mn racist.

Above all else, having thought about it, what really kickstarted this whole racial insecurity back up again is my lack of an innovator attitude. I am not being pessimistic about the future but never in a million years would I be on the front cover of Forbes magazine because I need a freaking role model and yes quite honestly I wish he was Indian.

I haven't had world exposure, but I bet that with the MILLIONS of rich, successful, and somewhat attractive Indian men out there, not one is dating or nailing a beautiful girl that isn't Indian (particularly girls that are White or Latin). Now as I said, I haven't had much world exposure but so far from what I have read online and such I can bank on it.

Now this goes back to me as women just don't see Indian men as they see Spaniards, Black men, Italian men, or English men.

You say work with the best I have? Well, I am just gonna keep lifting weights, maximize my looks until nothing can be done, read books and take my mind off (I have temporarily quit trying to get numbers at starbucks) getting numbers, and find myself this summer. I mean even though I got dates I didn't get that one beautiful blonde with a pretty face, I guess it is because I am not a beautiful guy.

Now MOST of you will tell me to date Indian girls but I am just not into them, hard to say why but just no. I mean definitely no FOB but not the Americanized Indian, I just WANT to be that 1 Indian guy out of 500 million that dates a woman that isn't Indian in his life (Okay maybe not out of 500 million, more like out of 250 million).

So far the conclusion I have reached is this:

1. California is no better than GA or the dixie, girls out there will be just as big if not bigger on race.

2. I will have girls who will disqualify me right off the bat for being Indian, in fact I will have it harder than my Black or White friends in this matter, but those that mind don't matter and those that matter don't mind.

3. Race will matter in dating, I want to date my first beautiful blonde in this lifetime it probably won't happen unless I get a good career, maximize my looks, start caring for my appearance more and more, and make myself a better me.

4. If there are Indian surgeons, Indian investment bankers, and Indian men are generally well of financially and such and it is more common to see big foot than to see an Indian guy marry a good looking Black, Latin, and especially the oh so forbidden White woman, then you can bank there is a background story going on. I haven't had exposure to Indians but this stuff on the internet and these trends definitely show a background story.

5. FORTUNATELY, this barrier can be overcome and I will find a way to overcome it.

I know the first thing I need to do to overcome this is to get an active social life and that is not possible down here.

---

who knows, I may be like this guy, I MAY HAVE A ROLE MODEL AFTER ALL

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Milind_Soman

who he used to hit

Mylène Jampanoï

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mylene_Jampanoi

http://vpqv.net/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/07.jpg

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-SVnrMkwZVtk/T0...oi%2B1.jpg

[baller08]

I actually completely agree with you Reesays. In your lifetime you will not have sex with any woman outside of your race. If you do they will be homely or fat. In fact even if you want a pretty sexy Indian girl, she won't want you either for pretty much the same reasons as the other women.

I'm not saying this as reverse psychology or to be mean. This is simply your lot in life. You've made it so and I agree with you.

[Reesays]

I do not even recall saying that or even implying it. Great reading comprehension.

[baller08]

What I'm saying is women of all races will always reject you. No matter how much you improve your finances or looks it won't matter because your thinking will always stay the same. If I look you up when you're 29 years old you will still have the same struggles the only difference is you'll just be angrier.

This is and will be your lot in life because you have made it so.

[Guyintheback]

Hey Reesays, I googled around a bit for you.
I found this picture on a travel blog, and the caption reads:

"Equally as eye-catching, was the young, German/Indian couple who came with us that day."



So it can be done. I really hope this helps!

[SeXyBaCk]

(05-16-2012 04:32 AM)Reesays Wrote:  1. Helpful members
2. People who don't deal with constant excuses

Huh? Please clarify Nr 2. If this was criticism of the forum community I can't actually find any in there, please elaborate.

(05-16-2012 04:32 AM)Reesays Wrote:  who he used to hit

I don't appreciate that term being used. How about just call it dating and sound less rank/like Roosh?

But sigh... here's some proof for you Ree
https://twitter.com/#!/travelsick07/stat...to/1/large
https://twitter.com/#!/travelsick07/stat...to/1/large
https://twitter.com/#!/travelsick07/stat...to/1/large
https://twitter.com/#!/travelsick07/stat...to/1/large
https://twitter.com/#!/travelsick07/stat...to/1/large
This "interracial couple" have 2 children now, the husband (from Bihar, a pretty rough area of east india, look it up) isn't loaded (rich), but he doesn't feel like the whole world is against him either and has his shit somewhat together.

Really Ree, instead of spending the summer wasting away trying to find yourself in your backyard, take your savings and a buddy, buy a ticket to wherever and just go see some of the world. You'll quickly find out the world isn't half as bad as you make it out to be. Start in the west indies and safer central america (Panama, Costa Rica), they're only 3 hours away by plane from you. 3 daily flights out of Miami. Start looking at options right about NOW.

And finally, this is how my dog feels about your woes compared to her own
https://twitter.com/#!/travelsick07/stat...to/1/large

Edit: don't run your mouth, this is my sister.
Re-Edit: I mean the bride, not the puppy.

[Reesays]

Here is my goal: You guys tell me how tough it would be to accomplish.

I want to move to California (Southern Cal), get a good social life, make friends of all backgrounds, have a great social network, and date women of all backgrounds (White especially since I have been basically shut off and stopped from doing that down south). I also want to be viewed in the same light as the White guy.

[Jon]

For somebody with a good attitude, quite easy.

Haven't you been out on dates with white girls already?

Oh, and it's not forbes, but look at this guy

(05-16-2012 01:52 PM)Reesays Wrote:  Here is my goal: You guys tell me how tough it would be to accomplish.

I want to move to California (Southern Cal), get a good social life, make friends of all backgrounds, have a great social network, and date women of all backgrounds (White especially since I have been basically shut off and stopped from doing that down south). I also want to be viewed in the same light as the White guy.

[baller08]

I think for a time it was good to have someone like Reesays on here because it gives other guys struggling/starting out an example of how not to think. Often times its just as important to have a model of "what not to do" as it is to have one of "what to do."

However I have seen guys like Reesays before on boards and they're basically a troll. They will bait you into wasting time with good advice then proceed to tell you all the ridiculous excuses why it won't work for him. They always have it the worse.

I think time will be far better spent helping others on here who genuinely want to improve instead of someone who is dead set on being miserable and blaming the world his whole life. We all know men like this and they all start off like Reesays at one point in time.

He only focuses on actions and has not even begun to admit that his thoughts are completely wrong. This is like buying million dollar furniture and landscaping for a house built on rotten foundation....no one is going to want the house regardless.

This is the ultimate example for you guys still struggling with women. Yes, work on better approaches and dressing better and finding interesting hobbies. But if your mindset and limited beliefs never change then all your work will yield very, very little positive results.

[Mark]

(05-16-2012 01:52 PM)Reesays Wrote:  Here is my goal: You guys tell me how tough it would be to accomplish.

I want to move to California (Southern Cal), get a good social life, make friends of all backgrounds, have a great social network, and date women of all backgrounds (White especially since I have been basically shut off and stopped from doing that down south). I also want to be viewed in the same light as the White guy.

This would be incredibly easy if you got your head straightened out.