My Insights - Dating in Lifestyle

[mikemintz]

The purpose of this post is to present in a concise, practical (and personal) manner the main concepts of dating in your lifestyle. Other sources might be more comprehensive, but for the purpose of easiness of understanding, I write this guide. I'm not and expert or anything close to that, but I have been around long enough to have an opinion.

The ideas here are inspired by the teachings of Mark Manson and Nick Braddock. You should definitely check those out if you want to learn more.


Identity. Who you are, what you do, what you enjoy. It is based on your personal satisfaction.

Your identity is:

Complex. There are several fundamental aspects of your life. Among them: your profession, hobbies, finances, social life… and love life.

Interdependent. In order to have a happy life, you need to have success in every fundamental aspect. No matter how strong the others are, if your life is weak in one fundamental aspect, it will weak in its entirety.

Specialized. We act and think on a certain way depending on which fundamental aspect we want to succeed on. For instance, the ‘you’ that is answering a math test is not the same as the ‘you’ who is with your friends.

Combined. You entire identity is the combination of all the actions and thoughts it uses for its fundamental aspects.

In the case of dating, you want to have the actions and thoughts that will make you succeed with girls.

Game. Ability to express your identity in the right way. It is based on female psychology.

Game is composed of:

Outer game: Your actions

Inner game: Your thoughts

It is what it is; you can either bitch about it, or you can learn to play the game.

Success. In order to succeed with girls, you need to have both a strong identity and a strong game.

If you have a weak game, you can have an attractive identity, but you will express it the wrong way.

If you have a weak identity, you can be very good at expressing it, but you won’t have anything attractive to express.

Identity supports inner game, which supports outer game.

Common mistakes.

Lacking both identity and game.

How many guys start before learning the game. And the proof that game can actually inspire many people to improve their identity.

Having identity, but lacking game.

Tom, a Harvard physicist, is very happy with his life. Except for his love life. To solve this, he decided to go to a club and find a pretty girl. He saw one, got interested in her, and went talk to her. He got very interested in her, and, wanting to know more about her, asked like 10 questions in a row, from “where are you from?” to “what’s your favorite color?” Surprisingly, she suddenly said she had to go to the restroom, and never came back.

Was Tom expressing his identity (I like you )? Yes

Was he doing it the right way (asking tons of questions in a row)? Hell no

Having outer game, but lacking inner game.

This is the guy who has the right action but the wrong thought. He knows every line and understand every technique. However, when he acts, he is thinking things like “ I hope this technique work” or “ I really want to impress you” when he should be thinking “ I want to have fun.”

Having game, but lacking identity.

This is the guy whose life gravitates around girls. He is very good at game, he knows exactly how to act and what to think, but his life is completely focused on girls. Other fundamental aspects have become week. This is detrimental because he is going to lack personal satisfaction, and, as your game is an expression of your identity, he is lying on what he expresses, and a quality girl will notice this.

One common mistake in postmasculine.
Several guys confuse their identity’s intention with their game’s intention. Remember, game is expressing your identity the right way. This does not mean expressing your identity how you feel more comfortable with.

“ Oh, I like her, therefore I’m gonna tell her she is beautiful, we should spend an afternoon meeting each other, and possibly getting married”

Sure, that might be the best for your identity. But in terms of expressing it, it is the wrong way.

Let me know what you think, and I hope I helped you in some way