Looks and confidence

[I_Dare]

hey guys. I've seen comments from guys like Zan and Mark about good looking guys that are needy.

More exactly, the topic was "An average looking confident guy will be better than a needy good looking guy." My question now is...is there such a thing as a needy good looking guy? If so, aren't these guys in minority? Knowing that you're good looking should give you a lot of confidence. What reasons can a good looking guy have to be needy? He should know he has choice with women because of his looks...

[Bulgakov]

Being good looking helps greatly. However, if you can't carry a conversation you might find yourself in trouble. My old housemate carried the status-destroying reputation of being a boring conversationalist. Of course he could pick up but it did hurt his ego to know that women became less interested in him the better they got to know him.

[Stasia1991]

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[I_Dare]

I think this one was for Mark...

[Underbar]

Yes, there is such a thing as a needy good looking guy. Just imagine the average Bob who after years of never taking care of himself starts working out, gets a haircut that suits his face and buys clothes that fit his body. He will look good, but will probably stay needy until he also works on his confidence.

[Tim]

Edit: I misunderstood you, yep that was meant for Mark. My bad.

To answer your question; yes, there's such a thing as good-looking needy guys. I'd submit my younger self as one (which really isn't bragging). I still am one, though not as much as before.

Looks ≠ confidence and success! That I can promise you. The two men I know who have slept with the most women are not also the two best looking guys I know. The guys who are the happiest with their dating lives? Well, then looks don't even come into it.

[Zac]

(05-28-2012 01:34 PM)IulianC Wrote:  I think this one was for Mark...

First of all, we all talk here =)

Second of all Read models. Check the sticky

[Mark]

(05-28-2012 12:13 PM)IulianC Wrote:  If so, aren't these guys in minority? Knowing that you're good looking should give you a lot of confidence. What reasons can a good looking guy have to be needy? He should know he has choice with women because of his looks...

No, they're not the minority. That's the thing, many of them don't know that they're good-looking. There are a million reasons for a good-looking guy to be needy: he doesn't think he's smart enough, tall enough, clever enough, successful enough, etc.

If it were that easy for good-looking guys, I would have been out of a job a long time ago.

Read this:
http://postmasculine.com/the-ipanema-boardwalk

[I_Dare]

@Zac - you got me wrong. The compliment the previous poster wrote was most likely addressed to Mark.

@Mark - interesting.

[Zac]

Ahhhh my bad amigo

[Halo Effect]

(05-28-2012 12:13 PM)IulianC Wrote:  hey guys. I've seen comments from guys like Zan and Mark about good looking guys that are needy.

More exactly, the topic was "An average looking confident guy will be better than a needy good looking guy." My question now is...is there such a thing as a needy good looking guy?

Absolutely.

Quote:If so, aren't these guys in minority?

Everybody is needy sometimes. People that are completely self-validated are fucking rare. Good looks are by no means a guarantee for non-neediness.

Quote:Knowing that you're good looking should give you a lot of confidence.

First of all, many good looking people do not believe they are good looking. And many people who don't look so great have a great self-image. Self-image only vaguely correlates with looks. It's a mental construct, and not directly tied to reality.

Secondly, knowing you are good looking only gives you confidence to the extent that you believe looks matter. And even if you think they matter, attractiveness is still relative. I have been a needy, attractive guy in the past and if you are needy, you will chase away girls, good looks or no.

Quote:What reasons can a good looking guy have to be needy?

Attractive people feel insecure about their looks. Even super models have their insecurities. Aside from looks, there are infinity things you could feel needy about.

Random things I've thought... Does she think I'm funny enough? I have to sound funnier.
She probably thinks I'm a nerd.
Did what I say just sound stupid? I hope she likes me.
What should I do now to make her like me? Oh fuck I just texted her and she hasn't replied. I'm going to write another text to her to make clear that I didn't mean it in a bad way.
I came pretty quickly this time in bed.. Fuck.. She probably thinks I'm bad in bed. I hope she still likes me. :O

I could go on.

Neediness is simply that you do not believe that you are innately worthy of her and that you are awesome how you are, so that you have to somehow conform to her opinion of what attractive is.. If you're needy, you'll be needy, and you'll always have things to be insecure about.

Quote:He should know he has choice with women because of his looks...

Good looks means that more girls will be more receptive in the first seconds/minutes in the interaction, that's it. Maybe you get the benefit of the doubt more often. But not all girls will be receptive. Some will be, but after those first minutes if you don't have personality and compatibility with her and act unattractively (needy), then it won't work out anyway.

[Mark]

Quote:People that are completely self-validated are fucking rare.

Or non-existent. Emotionally, we all need external validation... the question is how much we're able to validate ourselves. If we're unable to validate ourselves at all, then ALL we experience is the need for external validation. But the more we validate ourselves, the less and less significant our extern validation feels by comparison.

[Chaos]

First of all, +1 for Halo's answer...

Secondly just to add to what he said; I don't know why it happens but generally people tend to focus on what they don't have. So the great looking guy focuses on how funny his friend is, or how wealthy that other friend is.

And no better way to summarize it that my favorite article from Mark.

http://postmasculine.com/the-ipanema-boardwalk

[Thor]

Spot on Chaos I do sometimes compare myself with other people though to a lesser degree now. When i find myself doing this I have to bitch slap myself and remind myself of all the great qualities I have.

This is the biggest danger of joining a PUA community where members are constantly posting lay reports. Which sometimes makes you wonder whether your doing the right thing or not when your not getting anything. This can be mentally damaging and can even put your self esteem further at risk.

(05-28-2012 09:58 PM)Chaos Wrote:  people tend to focus on what they don't have. So the great looking guy focuses on how funny his friend is, or how wealthy that other friend is.

And no better way to summarize it that my favorite article from Mark.

http://postmasculine.com/the-ipanema-boardwalk