Lack of consistency.

[Chaos]

or the impression I just get lucky from time to time.

A while ago I was a big fan of indirect openers, I had my "routine stack" that I would run and I can say I was consistently hooking sets. Of course that didn't mean anything at all, since a lot of that didn't turn out into anything so after a while I became tired and started to find all the routines and stuff became insincere, furthermore, as I didn't feel them as being really "me" I grow very uncomfortable using them... By that time I discover practicalpickup and models and switched to what felt like a more honest and time wise way... direct.

The problem is, so far, I've been unable to achieve some level of consistency, it seems like it's completely out in the air and a product of luck.

What I'll do, nowadays, is just approach and say something on the lines of: "Hi, you're cute, I wanted to meet you, I'm Jorge" or "Hi, you look adorable, I wanted to see how you were in person"... and then I'll wait to see where things go, which usually is her introducing herself and me qualilfying and scalating hard... "So tell me something about you."

But still the results are completely inconsistent... some times the conversation just flows and everything works ok. She would make some remark about herself to which I can relate, or make fun or whatever... but sometimes the conversation just stalls and I don't know where to take it.

At first I interpreted that as a sign of her being not interested, and I'm sure in a lot of situations that's true. But yesterday I was talking to a girl that I feel was interested in me... There was a lot of kino going on for the first two minutes but then the conversation just stall and things started to get ankward... Thing is she couldn't come up with anything interesting to say and I didn't seem to either... I usually work with what they give me, so if they don't give me anything, I just stall since small talk is not really one of my strong qualities

Long story short, it didn't go anywhere and after a while things turned really awkward and I left. Later I was thinking about it and a friend pointed out that, from his point of view, maybe, just maybe, this time the reason wasn't that she wasn't interested, but probably that she felt so intimidated by the approach, that she was so nervous or self conscious that she just freeze and didn't know what to say, even if she was attracted.

Anyway, the main problem seems to be that lack of consistency, where if I don't have straight compliance and flirting from the girl after I open, things usually do not go well. And the thing is I almost always engage the girl from the first minutes, there's always a lot of kino going on... is the conversation what's lagging behind. Any suggestions?

[Schmechti]

Chaos Wrote:Long story short, it didn't go anywhere and after a while things turned really awkward and I left. Later I was thinking about it and a friend pointed out that, from his point of view, maybe, just maybe, this time the reason wasn't that she wasn't interested, but probably that she felt so intimidated by the approach, that she was so nervous or self conscious that she just freeze and didn't know what to say, even if she was attracted.

This seems to be the case with a lot of women in daygame. They are so surprised about the direct approach that they don't know what to say or invent an excuse to leave.

[Alvar]

Schmechti Wrote:This seems to be the case with a lot of women in daygame. They are so surprised about the direct approach that they don't know what to say or invent an excuse to leave.

I would have sometimes women come, approach me and start conversations... Since I didn't know what to say (or just didn't know/was scared to show interest back) they would soon leave me alone, thinking I wasn't interested... If you think this is bad well, it took me some time to recognize that they were hitting on me :mad:

Chaos, do you hold the belief that you need the girl to be interested in you for you to make your moves? As if she doesn't show interest" you don't have "permission" to keep on "bothering" her? I still struggle with this belief.

[Schmechti]

Alvar Wrote:I would have sometimes women come, approach me and start conversations... Since I didn't know what to say (or just didn't know/was scared to show interest back) they would soon leave me alone, thinking I wasn't interested... If you think this is bad well, it took me some time to recognize that they were hitting on me :mad:

I know what you are talking about, dude. I was in the same situation a couple of times and didn't know that she was hitting on me, until the next day when I analyzed it. But in this case the girls didn't make a direct approach like you do in daygame. That's different.

[Chaos]

Alvar Wrote:Chaos, do you hold the belief that you need the girl to be interested in you for you to make your moves? As if she doesn't show interest" you don't have "permission" to keep on "bothering" her? I still struggle with this belief.

What do you mean by "make my move"? If you mean going for the kiss then yes, I wait for signs of interests from her before I go for it. If you mean approaching then no, I don't wait for an invitation to approach, although I'm aware when that happens, sometimes I act on it, sometimes I don't. If you mean moving things faster in the physical sense, turning thing sexual faster, then again yes... mostly because I find it really weird to move things forward when the conversation is lagging behind.

[Alvar]

I mean, investing in continuing the conversation, nothing to do with escalation. Poor wording from me.
It's where you question yourself because she may not be as invested as you'd like or expect and you assume that she is not interested or that the interaction won't go anywhere.

The nice guy in the head always insists in looking for signs of interest or disinterest, he doesn't want to run the chance of bothering or annoying the poor girl. It's hard to kick that belief and replace it with a healthier "I'm curious, I want to know more about you and that is all the permission I need to keep and enjoy this interaction."

[Leo]

I understand what you are saying but do you bother to approach a girl if she's giving you OBVIOUS signs of disinterest? Last Friday I wanted to approach a hot girl, she noticed I was looking at her but she didn't look back at me, she avoided to make eye contact with me, she didn't walk close to me when she could do it, etc. Why bother? Some rejections are non-verbal, her body language said: stay away from me. That's what I did, and I'm ok with that.

[Chaos]

No, I don't approach girls who I perceive that give clear indications that they don't want me to approach. Keyword, clear. I will approach (or think about it anyway) if I'm interested.

Answering Alvar I do have that feeling sometimes where the situation feel awkward and I start getting the impression than the whole interaction is going sour... In those occasions I voluntarily leave most times. I think is a kind of protection system... rather than a harsh rejection along the way, I choose to eject when I see it coming. Still, while I could and should probably keep plowing... my greatest source of frustration is the impression that usually things start quite well and after a few minutes everything blows to pieces... and the funny thing is I do have great conversations usually... just not with strangers or girls I just approached...

[Alvar]

No Leo, I do not approach someone that gives clear signs of disinterest.

I agree, there's a lot of protection to it. I've been working this week with the stem "If my request is rejected..." (request here in a broader sense) and these are some of my answers:

Quote:I am rejected
I am misunderstood because I always ask for reasonable things
I do not feel comfortable
I project onto the person the feeling of awkwardness from rejecting me
The person does not like me
I’m not worthy enough, otherwise they would not reject me
My plans may be in jeopardy
I may feel angry
I do not always accept the person’s freedom to decide

Maybe I should do a stem for this specific situation.
"If the girl I've approached is not giving me active interest..."