Is there really a cure for a racial/ethnic insecurity?

[Reesays]

So good news guys, I am IN a relationship, YAY! After some dates and hanging out, I am in a relationship (seems like it is an open relationship though), my first one ever and I am 19 (sad I know).

I have managed to make mines a lot better than before. I am not OCD about my race or anything of that nature and often I do not care for it as much as I used to.

Thing is though, as an Indian guy, I cannot get myself to date an Indian woman even though I find them to be attractive. I have had attractive Indian women show interest in me but quickly turned them down without even giving them a chance. In some cases, I even refuse to hang around Indian people in general if they are not a part of my family due to paranoia. I feel that if I hang around them, I will be stopped from dating a female outside my own race and I will be forced to date an Indian woman.

My Korean friend and I share similar experiences. Thing is, we both felt kind of betrayed by women of our backgrounds. In high school I saw Indian girls who were good looking date White guys and make fun of Indian guys saying how nerdy and egotistical we were. My Korean friend complains of the same thing. OF COURSE, he has had a lot more success than me.

Part of me says, it is stupid to hold such a silly grudge, it is dumb to hate Indian women since you came out of one, and it is high school get over it. YET the other part of me says that FINALLY you have got yourself a girl from another race, interracial dating is beautiful, why resort to your own women when they have stabbed you in the back and ridiculed you for being an Indian man, you have finally grown, you can date that good looking blonde, brunette, redhead, latina, black woman, or asian woman.

I want to know this, do people actually recover from racial/ethnic insecurities?

[Tim]

I don't think it's sad that you're having a relationship at age 19. That's cool man, congratulations. I really hope it goes well.

To answer your question, yes absolutely there is a 'cure'. It is a combination of a variety of things though, not one silver bullet.

1. Experiences that prove the opposite of your beliefs. This is the most powerful agent of change, but the hardest to get because you actually have to go out there and create them, and then be willing to let them change your opinions. In your case this may mean meeting and dating a variety of women, including those of your own race. I've met beautiful women who were Indian who I was attracted to. If you're open to that possibility, sooner or later so will you.

2. Developing awareness of your own biases and finding flaws/inaccuracies in them. The first step is that you realize and admit you have these biases, which to some extent you've already done in this post. Good start. The second step is to tell yourself that you know that no matter how strongly you believe these biases to be true at times, they aren't actually true. Every time they come up in your mind, question them. When you think 'oh I could never date an Indian girl, they're rude to other Indians', ask yourself if there's ever been an example in your life that disproves that. If you can find just one example, then you can realize that there's probably more. Keep doing that until you feel the belief weakening. It will take time, but it will happen.

3. Develop a wider awareness of the world and of your place in it. Read. ALOT. Read literature from all cultures, and from different historical periods. Watch movies and documentaries from all over the world. Read what people on these boards have to say about the social and cultural context they live in, and gain some sense of how different their world is to yours.

In the end, all of this comes down to your willingness to change. If you really want to believe that you can have positive beliefs, lead a happier life, and get rid of all this thinking that is holding you back, you will be willing to do this. Despite what others say on this board Reesays, I believe you've shown enough potential to actually achieve this. I may be proved wrong, but you can take the time and effort I put into this post and others as a sign of my belief in you.

[Reesays]

all of those points you said seem legit