Interesting tip I got

[Jon]

So I saw Juggler speak on Saturday. He made a suggestion that I really thought was counterintuitive. He said that before you hit on a girl, you should ask her what her relationship situation is. I wasn't sure about it but I was at a party on saturday and this very hot girl that I knew a bit was there. We got into conversation and I threw it out there. It was actually hugely useful. She opened up about being single, what her issues were, how she was feeling about things. I mentioned my last relationship. We ended up talking for like two hours and hooking up. Now, this is just one example, but I thought it was pretty intriguing.

[Leo]

I hit on a girl and if she has a BF or a husband she let me know. That's it. Or sometimes she's married and I asked about the ring and she says: oh! that's nothing, just an ornament. Lol! I don't like to ask if she has a BF, it's an easy way to avoid you if she just says yes.
Just my 2 cents.

[Jon]

well, if a girl takes that opportunity to say "yes" then she's probably not interested (either because she's got a bf or using it as an excuse) so one way or another that's useful info.

[Mark]

I could see how this could cut through a lot of bullshit quickly. But I think if you're pretty direct in general, this is going to come out very soon either way... After all the number one rejection to direct approaches is, "Thanks, I have a boyfriend."

[Mike]

Mark Wrote:But I think if you're pretty direct in general, this is going to come out very soon either way... After all the number one rejection to direct approaches is, "Thanks, I have a boyfriend."

This is very true. I also physically escalate very early and you'll find out real quick if she has a boyfriend.

[Jon]

Mark Wrote:I could see how this could cut through a lot of bullshit quickly. But I think if you're pretty direct in general, this is going to come out very soon either way... After all the number one rejection to direct approaches is, "Thanks, I have a boyfriend."

This is definitely true. I think it's useful because you get information beyond single/taken in many cases. It's an opportunity for somebody to say something like "well I actually just broke up with this guy like two weeks ago" which is good to know. In the example I mentioned earlier, the girl told me how she hadn't dated anyone seriously in a while, basically implied she has commitment issues (said something along the lines of "i usually don't end up dating a guy for more than a month") etc. So I actually got a lot of useful information out of it, that helped me going forward.

[Mark]

I know that the argument against this (made primarily by Paul Janka) is that it causes women to become self-conscious and often implies a single-minded purpose when you approach them, i.e, "he's just trying to figure out if he can bang me." Janka claimed that he felt it made a lot of women uncomfortable during the day to answer that question so quickly, and that he felt many of them lied and said they had boyfriends even if they didn't.

I honestly can't say either way, I almost never ask women if they're single or not... I can kind of see merits of either side. And I can see it working well depending on the girl and situation. Keep trying it and let us know once you have a larger sample size.

[kingdavid2]

I subscribe to the idea that the woman will pace you, if you keep moving forward, and she doesn't say anything, essentially from my perspective this is a green light. I have had interactions that have gone both ways - I have flirted and tried to move forward and she has politely told me she has a boyfriend, or is married. I have also had it happen that she never said anything, and we moved forward as usual.

I have also had it happen that women say these things in effect to see how you react to them (discretion, confidence ect)

In my mind I see no reason to ask

[Jon]

Ok, small update.

I was talking to a group of three girls on friday night. Was hitting it off with one, and said we should grab a drink sometime. She gave me her number but seemed kinda uncomfortable at that point and I said "oh, I don't even know your relationship situation." She said "oh yeah, I have a boyfriend, that's why I was hesitant." That definitely helped, since I was able to smooth things over with her then move on to her friends without any awkwardness.

[zkelvin]

Jon Wrote:Ok, small update.

I was talking to a group of three girls on friday night. Was hitting it off with one, and said we should grab a drink sometime. She gave me her number but seemed kinda uncomfortable at that point and I said "oh, I don't even know your relationship situation." She said "oh yeah, I have a boyfriend, that's why I was hesitant." That definitely helped, since I was able to smooth things over with her then move on to her friends without any awkwardness.

I don't know enough about your situation to really say, but it's still possible she doesn't have a boyfriend. Either way, if she claims that she does have a boyfriend, it's not worth your time to pursue her, so asking this question still saves you a lot of time and energy.

[Mark]

It seems that it more or less accomplishes the same thing that a direct statement of interest does, except in a less aggressive manner. The only place I can see this being more useful than a direct statement of interest is in non-cold approach situations, as it's more polite and less likely to make people uncomfortable.