Interesting article about Red Flags.

[Creatine Dreams]

http://collegetimes.us/10-red-flags-when-meeting-girls/
Not sure if I agree with all of these red flags but it made me think.

Particularly the one about a girl having mostly guy friends.

[IdEngager]

What the hell, this eliminates all the interesting people. Like whoever wrote this is so perfect they deserve some princess.

I'm sorry but I think this is a horrible article... all of this is surface shit, none of it tells you if they are decent people or someone you'd get along with.

[Chaos]

LOL, what a biased article!! Shouldn't it be called something like "10 red flags when meeting girls every good catholic heterosexual manly guy should be aware of"

I specially like:

Quote:4. Too Many Guy Friends - To be honest, this one is related sometimes to #2, but sometimes not. This should be an automatic HUGE red flag. Avoid any girl with an uncanny amount of “guy friends” whether it be online social networks, in real life, or whatever. She’s either a total wh*re, has major daddy issues, has a general lack of social etiquette and/or discretion, or doesn’t seem to impress other females as being a worthwhile person.

Was someone feeling a little insecure when writing this?

Don't listen to the article Creatine, is a bunch of misogynistic nonsense.

[Tim]

"Honorable mention: Overly Athletic – Desires nothing more than to constantly attempt to show you up mountain climbing or weight-lifting? Run, run, as fast as you can, away from this type of female. She probably had some bitter encounter with a cop one day and is now a questionable lesbian."

This is golden. I bet the feminists who comment on the PM blog would love reading this.

It's a college site, so I'm not surprised at the quality of this article. Run, run, as fast as you can, away from this type of advice.

[FirstAidKit]

damn, that sounds like one bitter dude.

I don't think having a lot of guy friends is a red flag, however hearing "I just don't get along with any girls" definitely gets a side-eye. Bonus points if they make a big fuss about how girls are just so BITCHY and FUSSY and THEY aren't like that, oh no. It usually means one of these:

a) They haven't met any decent girls - I often give this a pass if they are still in high school. Afterwards there's no excuse here.

b) They really like being the centre of (male) attention, and actually cool girls don't want to hang with that dynamic. They'll also be constantly trying to prove how they are 'not like other girls'

But yeah, that's a seperate issue to just having a lot of guy friends.

[Alvar]

This could be called "the prejudiced man's guide to ladies".

[SeXyBaCk]

I prefer women who have a lot of guy friends, at least they know what's coming to them, always worried when women only seem to have female friends, they're oblivious as to how us men think.

Another thing I've noticed with some of the women I've been with ... some attractive females find it hard to make female friends. Probably true friends altogether but in particular female friends.

[baller08]

Like anything else there is such a thing as going to extremes, but don't be so quick to write something off just because it doesn't fit with what you believe should be ok by today's standards.

Remember, not that long ago reading that you should buy women flowers on the 1st date, listening to all her problems, and waiting patiently for sex was the way to a woman's heart.

I agree with most of what is listed in that article. What I don't agree with is the hatred and bitterness displayed by the author. But the behaviors listed are valid. He just doesn't know how to manage his relationships or emotions appropriately. When you guys get to the point where you're building serious relationships you'll find that these things are indeed red flags. It doesn't mean one and done, but can be indicative of character flaws.

I met the love of my life at a bar, but I recognize that is the exception rather than the rule and it doesn't mean I disagree with #8.

As for #4, that is a whole other topic that I don't think it's appropriate for this forum. Right now, especially for you guys who are developing, you need to be open to dating all types of women.

However, #4 is certainly a huge red flag for many reasons. If anyone wants to discuss it, drop me an email and I'll give you my take on it.

And Sexyback...women do not need to have a lot of guy friends to know how men work. Any attractive woman has had a lifetime of education just by being a woman.

2 examples below, coincidentally one was just posted this morning in another thread:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=90qpDg5y7Lo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=pla..._lh5fR4DMA

A little tongue in cheek, but contains some truths. Case in point, how many times on this forum alone have we seen guys say, "Oh she said she has a boyfriend, but I won't mind being friends, nothing will happen I'm sure, but you never know!"

As with anything else, it's all in how you use the information. Don't use this as a merely a checklist, get to know the woman, but don't write it off either. One day you'll get past all this pick up stuff and when you're building a serious relationship and family you'll find these red flags are indeed something to consider.


Edited to add: Sexyback, I do agree that very attractive women have a hard time making female friends. I've seen that first hand with many of my gfs, however, the ones with solid character traits always manage to find a small group of very good female friends. Completely different tangent though!

[Chaos]

Seriously Baller? I disagree with most of the given flags.

#1. Tattoos. So what, the girl has a tattoo. No different than having a piercing. I don't give a damm and in fact a lot of the most interesting girls I've met do have tattoos.

#3. Too much make up is bad make up... That only gives away the fact that the girl doesn't really now much about the matter, that's all...
#4 What FAK said.
#5 I am too... And pretty addicted to a certain forum... How can I judge something I do? Should I be wearing a red flag too?
#6 There's anty trendy as in general crazy people (not women) and anty trendy as in having strong opinions about something... I love the latter.
#7 My only experience with this confirms that, but I've only met one chick like that and it was completely causal and agreed so I can't judge.
#8 I do hang out quite often at bars and clubs... If I'm there and I'm an awesome guy to meet same goes for the chicks.
#9 Yeah, of course, if she's stupid that's a great flag... But I wouldn't be interested anyway.
#10 Same as 9
Honorable mention: I'd like to strangle the guy. Seriously? A girl who likes sports ant taking car of herself and her body is something you should avoid? I LOVE girls like that, I love hiking and doing sports and it certainly is a must for any girl I try to get something serious with.

The article is full of bitterness and contempt (is now a Questionable lesbian??) and seems to transmit a message of "avoid strong women", they will bring you trouble...

[SeXyBaCk]

(05-03-2012 03:46 PM)baller08 Wrote:  And Sexyback...women do not need to have a lot of guy friends to know how men work. Any attractive woman has had a lifetime of education just by being a woman.

I was just stating my personal preference not making a general statement. And I was more touching on the long term living side by side experience than the whole dating getting to know each other bit.

Nothing's worse than going on vacation with a woman for the first time who has 4 sisters, no brothers and expects you to be talking to her 24/7. All down to age and personal experience though.

The whole article seems more tongue in cheek to me.

The friend interview is pretty funny. But men and women can be friends of course. Women just make better friends imo. I have mates and buddies but my real friends are all female. I'm a crap friend myself.

[Jon]

Quote: 1. Tattoos – No, there are no exceptions. Tattoos are one of those things that look hot on a small minority of drop-dead gorgeous movie stars like Angelina Jolie, but in real life, less than 1% of women can actually pull it off in any form. (Variations include girls that have watched way too many Evanescence music videos, girls that had an ex-boyfriend die in a surfing accident and have branded his name onto their wrist, hipster b*tches, white trash skanks, wannabe p*rn stars, etc.)

This is idiotic, since the issue is whether it looks hot on a girl. It's not a red flag. If you think her tattoo is unattractive, then you think its unattractive. If it doesn't bother you, than so be it. A red flag is a warning about something else. This guy is just complaining that tattoos aren't usually hot. Ok.

Quote:2. Daddy Issues - This rears its head in all sorts of ways, so proceed with caution. Unfortunately, this is often a sad result of modern-day divorce statistics. (Variations include super clingy and/or insecure girls who tend to think every disagreement leads to someone being abandoned in a dumpster, girls that are desperate for attention from any and every male figure, girls who turn into femi-b*tches a.k.a. femi-nazis at any sign of conflict, etc.)

Ok sorry but there are so many shitty fathers out there that trying to find a woman without some kind of issues with her father could take a while.

Quote:3. Make-up Extremities - This should go without saying, but the amount of males who ignore this one is absolutely astounding. More to the point, be wary of any girl who has obviously spent hours putting on “her face” before she went outside, or otherwise seems to have a quarter-inch of foundation on her face. (An easy sign is how large her purse is… the larger the purse, the more the makeup!) At the same time, be wary of girls who are staunchly opposed to wearing make-up, or shaving, or other such politically-driven clichés.

Too much makeup is not a red flag, it just looks gross. Not enough makeup isn't a red flag, its a personal preference.

Quote:4. Too Many Guy Friends - To be honest, this one is related sometimes to #2, but sometimes not. This should be an automatic HUGE red flag. Avoid any girl with an uncanny amount of “guy friends” whether it be online social networks, in real life, or whatever. She’s either a total wh*re, has major daddy issues, has a general lack of social etiquette and/or discretion, or doesn’t seem to impress other females as being a worthwhile person.

The issue isn't too many guy friends, its enough girlfriends. If she has 100 guy friends, fine, great. If she doesn't hang out with girls at all, thats a warning sign.

Quote:5. Obsessed with Online Social Networks - This isn’t going away any time soon, so its worth including. Watch out for women that seem overly obsessed with websites like Facebook, MySpace, Match.com, dating websites, etc. They are either super bored, super narcissistic, super insecure, super b*tchy, super desperate, or total wh*res. Whichever it is, stay the hell away.

This is a college article? How many women in their early 20s aren't obsessed with social networks. Also, myspace?

Quote:6. Extremely “Anti-Trendy” - This speaks to the general direction that mankind as a whole has been headed for the last few decades, but it deserves a mention anyway. Unless you want a girl with a ton of baggage or who will end up annoying the sh*t out of you later on in life, then avoid the ladies who are out to “prove a point” every chance they get. (Variations include girls who refuse to drink Starbucks coffee because its too corporate, girls who seem to have 250 indie bands memorized when you ask them what music they like, girls who think marriage is “totally unnecessary… you know!?”, and all that disgusting jazz.

Ok, this depends. If you are a guy who listens to top 40 and drinks starbucks, maybe this isnt the girl for you. If you have 250 indie bands memorized and don't drink starbucks, huzzah, you have something in common.

Quote:7. Overly Forward - Again, this should be obvious to most men, but alas, most fellas do their thinking with the wrong head. The fact that a girl *confidently* walks up to you and starts jabbering like crazy doesn’t necessary mean that she’s slutty (more likely, she’s just a total wackjob), but let’s be honest, there aren’t too many dudes out there who warrant such easy attention from las chicas, except maybe Jack Bauer. Unless she shows at least a little bit of reserve, or at the very minimum, a bit of playfulness, then for the love of Christ, give it a second thought before you dive in.

i don't even know where to start

Quote:8. Hangs Out Quite Often At Bars, Clubs, Etc - Slutty, crazy, or depressed… with likely daddy issues. Take your pick. As a general rule of thumb, you shouldn’t really be picking out a wife at a bar. If you’re into one night stands, then go for it, but at least choose a girl who showed up with some of her other girl-friends.

oh come on, half the city is at bars on friday nights. Also, this is a great recipe to have a girlfriend who hates it when you come home late on friday.

Quote:9. Extremely Clueless - Doesn’t know who the Vice President is? Red flag. Doesn’t know about that m*ssive earthquake that happened in Haiti last week? Red flag. Doesn’t care to educate herself after her stupidity is pointed out? Red flag. Thinks it’s attractive to be stupid or pretend that she’s stupid? Red flag. Are you getting the point yet?…

fine, true

Quote:10. Easily Offended, Extremely Poubty, Etc - In short, avoid girls who can’t take a joke, don’t laugh much, love to act offended about nearly everything as some bizarre attempt at proving they are “enlightened”, or who actually do get offended or hurt by random bullsh*t all the time. Also, avoid girls who seem to have a different reaction each time to the same stimuli (“Wanna grab dinner?” … “Don’t talk to me!”), or who seem addicted to poubting, or who generally don’t seem to have a handle on their emotional reactions. Yah, that sure helps to narrow it down, huh?

though this sounds reasonable in the abstract, i feel like the author's definition of "easily offended" might exclude a great deal of women, especially those who don't violate number 9.

[baller08]

Well, preferences, standards, and all that aside.....let's be honest here, we all know men and women can't be friends. Women can be friends with men, but every single one of you here knows that if your female friend is cute and she wanted to have sex with you, you would. Some of you may not put much effort in for whatever reason, but you would.

It's a one sided friendship. Let's not pretend to be so "progressive" that we lie to ourselves here!

As the comedian Steve Harvey said, "The only reason why a man and a woman are friends is because that is all that the woman would allow".

[SeXyBaCk]

I couldn't disagree more. I've got plenty of female friends, all are cute (how could I say something else about a friend?), some very attractive, some are my ex's, none of which I want to/would sleep with if they threw themselves at me. I think it depends on your age, I guess between say 16-25 it's hard to have just friends of the opposite sex due to hormones but come on, once you're an adult, have partners, are friends with other couples etc... everyone has friends of the opposite sex eventually. I don't think it's relevant for the guys here to have female friends mind. But people do have them.

[Jon]

(05-03-2012 06:47 PM)baller08 Wrote:  Well, preferences, standards, and all that aside.....let's be honest here, we all know men and women can't be friends. Women can be friends with men, but every single one of you here knows that if your female friend is cute and she wanted to have sex with you, you would. Some of you may not put much effort in for whatever reason, but you would.

It's a one sided friendship. Let's not pretend to be so "progressive" that we lie to ourselves here!

As the comedian Steve Harvey said, "The only reason why a man and a woman are friends is because that is all that the woman would allow".

That's absurd. I have plenty of female friends, many of whom are attractive.

1) There are female friends where I won't sleep with them because we wouldn't date, it would screw up the friendship, and it's not worth it.

2) girls who have dated friends of mine, so that's off limits.

3) girls who I have known so long it would just be weird.

Also, I don't buy the notion that just because there is some hypothetical situation in which I would willingly sleep with a girl, we are not really friends.

[FirstAidKit]

(05-03-2012 06:47 PM)baller08 Wrote:  Well, preferences, standards, and all that aside.....let's be honest here, we all know men and women can't be friends. Women can be friends with men, but every single one of you here knows that if your female friend is cute and she wanted to have sex with you, you would. Some of you may not put much effort in for whatever reason, but you would.

It's a one sided friendship. Let's not pretend to be so "progressive" that we lie to ourselves here!

As the comedian Steve Harvey said, "The only reason why a man and a woman are friends is because that is all that the woman would allow".

Oh FFS. I can't be the only person who thinks wanting to bone someone (even unrequitedly) doesn't mean you can't be friends. The litmus test isn't whether or not you'd have sex under the right circumstances, it's if you knew you would 100% NEVER sleep with them whether or not you'd still want to hang.

As an addendum to the chick who has no guy friends - I'd honestly regard any guy who doesn't have at least one or two girls in his life that he can just grab a beer or lunch with without ulterior motive with the side eye aswell.

I wanted to write some more in response to this but was at work, here's some more breaking down:

1) Tattoos
It always makes me laugh when I see certain guys bitching about how ugly tattoos are - you are not the demographic they are targeting. People with serious body art (sleeves, chest, back) typically seek each other out - all of the men I know with big tattoos are really attracted to girls who are inked up. Guess who they are trying to attract? It's the definition of finding your niche.

(Bonus! I have a tattoo, and its awesome, but it's not visible in normal clothes)

I will concede that tattoos often indicate more likely to be DTF. Maybe that's what he means by red flag? Most of these seem like indicators of being DTF/slutty/whatever.

2) Daddy Issues. Blergh. Honestly, I don't think anyone, male or female gets out without some sort of issues relating to their parents.

3) I'm not a fan of too much make up myself - though if it looks like too much, it mainly just means its poor quality or badly applied. High end make up can take way more time and effort, it just looks like you are fresher, more defined and smoother naturally. I can kind of sympathise with feeling insecure enough in your own face to slather it on though, it's quite a nasty double bind. Being attractive and maximising your attractiveness is really valued, but putting too much time or effort into that gets you deemed shallow or vain or stupid.

4) Already discussed

5) Obsessed with social networks.
Eh, again I think this is more of a preference - I can't really be bothered with it all, but I know plenty of guys who are really invested in social media (Zac! ). I guess it's a habit that would be considered annoying but not really a 'red flag'. Actually, this whole list could be broken down to 'project my preferences onto everyone'

6) Anti-trendy
Same old shit as for tattoos - they are specialising and you are not their niche.

7) Extremely Forward
What, a girl STARTING A CONVERSATION with you? What the actual fuck? Arrgh this article is making my eyes bleed. Maybe she is actually interested in talking to you? Aaarrrrgh

8) Hangs out at bars or clubs a lot
I agree with Chaos here. Any woman who lives in a city is going to be in bars a reasonable amount of time.

9) Yeah, stupid is a red flag. 1 out of 10.

10) See, I would originally say this is a red flag, but it just sounds like he is just a legitimately offensive person? So I'm going to give them a free pass here.

I can't believe I put that in my eyes.

[SeXyBaCk]

Shouldn't we compose some actual useful potential red flags?

This is in regard to who you get into a relationship with, casual dating, who cares really right?

- Doesn't get on with her family ... you're going to become her family overnight

- Doesn't have many friends or a social life... same result, going to cling

- history of drama (used to be my bestest friend before blablabla happened), argues with other random women

- gets drunk too often, sor just generally trashy.

[Jon]

"all of my exes were shitty in the EXACT same way" is a big red flag.

[baller08]

Whoops..sorry guys, I typed #3 in my post but meant #4! Not that it's going to change the core of our difference of opinion and standards here. But I kept wondering...why are you guys talking about make up so much? Lol!

Look...I've encouraged girlfriends to get tattoos because sometimes there are certain things that are so meaningful to them it's a way of expression. I have 7 myself and yes, it does change the way people view me when they see it without a doubt.

Individually, the items on this list by itself doesn't mean much....obviously who doesn't like a girl into sports and takes care of her body? But items like #4,5,7,8 (I doubled check this time!) will give a guy a lot of drama, problems and heartaches if you choose to try to have a meaningful relationship with her. #9,10 will give you a lot of headaches.

As for what Jon and Sexyback said about men and women being friends....sounds great on paper. This is also where the phrase, "It just happened one night...maybe we had too much to drink but...." I'll just leave it at that as this topic always divulges into splitting hairs and a lot of personal antedotes.

[IdEngager]

Actual red flag: constant victim complex (ties into SeXy's "history of drama" and Jon's flag)

You will never win with this person

[FirstAidKit]

That is a good idea.

Here are some of mine:

- Describes all their exes as crazy
You are allowed one legimately crazy ex per 5 years. More than that, and the common denominator is you.

- Passive-aggressive

[baller08]

- Has a lot of traffic tickets


(Sort of joking sort of not)

[Jon]

(05-03-2012 08:05 PM)baller08 Wrote:  - Has a lot of traffic tickets


(Sort of joking sort of not)

Here's the problem - at least if it's speeding tickets - hot girls don't get them. They get stopped, but they don't ever get the tickets. Fact.

[baller08]

(05-03-2012 08:08 PM)Jon Wrote:  

(05-03-2012 08:05 PM)baller08 Wrote:  - Has a lot of traffic tickets


(Sort of joking sort of not)

Here's the problem - at least if it's speeding tickets - hot girls don't get them. They get stopped, but they don't ever get the tickets. Fact.

Excellent point. Then we're now going to have to move onto parking tickets and car accidents.

When I was in high school I did a ride along with an officer and he taught me what they did when they pull people over, how they position the light, the protocols they had to take, how they respond to the dispatcher...stuff like that it. It was pretty interesting.

Anyway, I asked him if it was true hot girls never get tickets. He admitted that he sees that to be true among his peers, however, he then said, "I will make it a point to let the fat girl off because I figure they probably never get a break in life". LOL!

[IdEngager]

Have to agree on the abundance of traffic/parking tickets. It usually doesn't come out til later, and I'm hardly immune from getting the occasional parking ticket, but if it's a constant or monthly type of thing, this person really isn't on top of their shit. And if you do get caught, get it taken care of and avoid in the future, don't let it pile up.

Plus, I don't like driving people to the pound.

[SeXyBaCk]

(05-03-2012 08:03 PM)IdEngager Wrote:  Actual red flag: constant victim complex (ties into SeXy's "history of drama" and Jon's flag)

You will never win with this person

So you've met my mother I see. She's Joan of Arc Mk II. No family day out without some serious martyrdom involved.