Feel free to move to the appropriate forum, or completely ignore cause this will probably be only interesting to myself, but I was inspired by
HAKR's journal and Mark's comments on journaling and posting whatever publicly will probably bring helpful comments (hopefully, maybe). It's not like these forums are bloody busy anyway and they could use some content.
PART 1: A THOROUGH REAPPRAISAL OF MY LIFESTYLE aka THE STATE OF MY GAME
The basics: I'm a 26 year old computer programmer and musician based out of Los Angeles. I'm competent enough at both to live comfortably and have an active social life but I'd like to be more successful with women and do more with my careers.
Boring careerist stuff: Currently an app developer in the entertainment insurance biz writing shit in several languages. Basically, it's an office job, I have an office that overlooks the ocean, I'm slightly underpaid, but I really can work 8-3 or so and work from home whenever I damn well please, so it's comfortable and pays the bills, but I'm not pushing myself much. In my other life, I sing/write/play guitar (but record all the parts) in a band and DJ every other week or so, which pays about 1/25th as much (a net loss given how much gear costs) but is about 25 times more fun and rewarding.
Social life: I currently go out 2-3 times a week. At the moment, I play in 4 sports leagues on top of that (2 ultimate frisbee, basketball, bowling), which I realized almost at the moment I committed to that is entirely too much. I'm very competitive and it keeps me in shape, but from now on, two leagues at once, tops. They're not even super social leagues like kickball or dodgeball where I'd meet girls (ultimate is coed but frsibee girls are ugly). I have plenty of friends to go out with and who want to hang out, to the point where a lot of the time, I just want 2-3 days a week to hang out at home and read or work on music, or, you know, actually rest.
Current state of relations: Haven't had a serious relationship for a few years and in a bit of a dry spell for 2012, which is probably how I have enough time to write this post. Had several girls flake out on me recently for what reason or another, which makes me think I'm the worst texter ever/come off as extremely needy cause I did not have a hard time meeting them or getting their numbers (that or LA girls are the flakiest people ever, which may also be true). Over the last month and a half or so they include:
- OKCupid girl (Cal St art student, cute, brunette, glasses - at least this one made it to a date! And I ain't never ever see her again)
- The one I met at Los Globos (curvy, Texan, blonde, BBQ, doesn't like to call me back, whatever)
- The one I met while DJing in Hollywood (skinny, blonde, fellow DJ, extremely shy, not surprised she ain't got back, whatever)
- Crazy Reddit girl (I met this chick cause I needed some wireless to finish up some work and she offered up her coffee shop on Reddit, she might be the only person I know to have an
ED entry dedicated to her, I ran into her again while DJing a punk rock show and she punched her number into my phone unsolicited but whatever efforts to hang out again are unreturned. Actually quite a bit cooler/nicer than that ED entry makes her seem but still 99% sure she's actually crazy)
- Friend of a friend who I met at her birthday (Hispanic, curvy, for some reason really wants to sing karaoke with me again but the planets have not aligned)
- New Age yoga tarot chick (skinny, blonde, hot hot hot, someone I actually talk to like a normal person, and moving to San Francisco in a few weeks. Drats)
At this point I guess I should note I'm about 5-8, skinny, and Asian, so this is not a race complaining thread. Any failures of mine should be blamed on how awkward I am. Suffice to say I'm not really tied to any of these people and it's time to move onto bigger and better things.
Daygame: Something I feel like I could really improve. I work basically a 9-5, though I'm stuck at a computer a lot of that time, but I work close to a college campus and in a neighborhood with a decent amount of pedestrian traffic. I'll head down to Trader Joe's or CVS to run errands and there's a weekly farmer's market nearby but for some reason I'm deathly afraid to approach people during the day. There's also a couple 30-ish cougar-ish ladies who like to flirt with me in my office building but I'm not really sure what to make of that.
Nightgame: Like I said, I'm out a couple times a week, and approaching is a lot easier cause often times I'm working or know people who are working that night some I'm a lot more comfortable. I don't often do the big Hollywood/Vegas club sorta thing, I'm at a lot of rock concerts and smaller bars with dancing usually. I can still be deathly afraid to approach people I don't know.
Wingmen: I'm pretty comfortable going out by myself, I actually prefer it sometimes. My best guy friends in going out are one of my bandmates (also Asian, everyone agrees is a great guy, but is even more awkward than me with girls) and usual DJ partner (taken, but does a good job introducing me to people). Girl friends I go out with, I have two I hang with regularly, one a Perisan grad student who does occasional modeling (she's super social and draws a lot of attention my way just by hanging out, she can also be a pain in the ass to hang with) and my Korean punk rock neighbor (who's awesome but occasionally is like hanging out with Daria, which is a drag).
PART 2: THINGS TO WORK ON
Things are pretty good and fun right now and believe me, I know I'm in the 1% of the world as far as comfort of life. But I'd like to push myself further, I don't want to be stuck as a nondescript programmer and getting the occasional hook up all my life. How to attack:
Career: Be more open to exploring more or other work outside of my current job. Take on more freelance work on the side. One of my old college roommates is starting a law firm, perhaps do web work for them? In addition, I have plenty of friends who work in media, perhaps use my technical skills to start some new projects with them?
Music: Be more proactive in getting out and playing more. My band hasn't played a show since September, mainly due to my laziness in writing and recording songs (and finishing ones that I had started). Just got a new drummer and practice space which will hopefully keep me in line. My DJing gigs are intermittent, perhaps look at starting my own party or regular night?
Leisure & Travel: I don't take enough breaks to just relax and explore the world, evidenced by my two month backlog of vacation days from work. Where is a good place to go spend a week or two?
Approaches: I'd like to lose more fear in this (I don't think anyone is ever truly fearless in this), especially during the day. I'm not particularly chatty most of the time and can get lost in my own head, but I feel I miss on plenty of opportunities simply by not paying attention to people and not being right at that moment.
Neediness: I don't think I come off as a desperate pussy hound or overly alpha male, which is probably why I get along just fine with most people, but I should take the flakes less personally and realize at times it's just a numbers game. I'm pretty mellow and cool most of the time but I meet a pretty girl and it seems to go out the window.
Vulnerability: From Mark's post
Quote:It can mean putting yourself in a position where you can be rejected, saying a joke that may not be funny, asserting an opinion that may offend others, joining a table of people you don’t know, telling a woman that you like her and want to date her.
I feel I do fine at some of these things, and horrible at others. I'm not afraid to have a strong opinion, I'm plenty willing to get rejected or embarrass myself in public or on stage, but at the end of the day I want to be well liked. I'm horrible at making my intentions clear with women. If it's better to be confident than correct, I spend too much time just trying to be correct!
PART 3 - ACTUAL LOGS OF EVENTUAL PROGRESS - COMING SOON
IdE's journal/FRs/stream of whatever
