I don't know how to meet women in night-clubs.

[The Notorious PhD]

I'm having trouble meeting women in night-clubs. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be doing.

I'm quite comfortable with girls during the daytime because whenever there's any mutual interest, I can quickly dig deeper and connect - this is what I enjoy the most.

On the contrary, I'm having difficulties in night-clubs because:

I feel most people are out to have light-hearted fun, and may view deeper conversation as boring. (Is this true?)

I feel awkward dancing with strangers. Once I get to know the girl, I wouldn't have any problem dancing with her - I usually enjoy making a fool of myself at house-parties. ( Is approaching women on the dance floor absolutely necessary?)

Here's an illustrative example:

I approached a group of 8 girls last night. Given the size of the gaggle, obviously they were very distracted/high-energy. Even so I couldn't get the girl I was interested in to get serious (she kept going on this schtick of being pregnant and giving-up drinking, and eventually excused herself). Maybe they were just out for some silliness and I wasn't in the mood, so it wouldn't have worked out anyway. But I'd like to be able to meet women in night-clubs.

What do I need to do? Any pointers?

[Jon]

on deep conversation:

You CAN have deep conversations at a night club, but there's a way to do it. It will be light hearted manner. It's less the substance than the style. Think about it this way. A stand up comedian can touch on serious topics, but he has to do it in a way that is appropriate for the setting. Similarly, I have had conversations about art, what I want to do with my life, etc, but it's with jokes thrown in, it's relaxed, you aren't making long speeches or arguing.

On dancing:

No, you don't have to talk to girls on the dance floor, I don't really meet girls on the dance floor very often, but if you are awkward about it, try it, and it will get less awkward the more you do it.

With that example, I would go with the joke and the high energy vibe they are using, and once it starts going well they will have a more serious conversation.

[The Notorious PhD]

Thanks Jon - I think I know what you mean about making deep conversation light-hearted. I will try it.

Dancing...eek, so awkward(!), must overcome

[baller08]

If you're doing well meeting women during the day or in other activities, why kill yourself to meet women in clubs? If you're happy with your results then focus on the area you're doing well in and then spend your energy doing other hobbies, activities in your life....and bring the women you've met during the day with you. That's what relationships are about. The "pick-up" is just the beginning.

You're not missing out on anything if you can't pick up girls in clubs.

[Jon]

(04-30-2012 09:01 PM)baller08 Wrote:  If you're doing well meeting women during the day or in other activities, why kill yourself to meet women in clubs? If you're happy with your results then focus on the area you're doing well in and then spend your energy doing other hobbies, activities in your life....and bring the women you've met during the day with you. That's what relationships are about. The "pick-up" is just the beginning.

You're not missing out on anything if you can't pick up girls in clubs.

This is a good point. Picking up girls at bars is more of a fun thing to do at bars and clubs then a great way to meet a girlfriend. Not that it's the worst way, but if that's my primary goal, it's not the most efficient.

[The Notorious PhD]

The main reason for nightclubs is volume.

I don't really go out of my way during the day to approach women. Typically, I'll approach about 5-6 women over a week as I run errands -that's the number of girls, on average, I find attractive. How many of these convert into something further is up to chance (so, for example, of the 12 or so I've approached over the last 2 weeks, I only got one date...and didn't feel much chemistry towards her, though we'll be hanging-out again).

By contrast, in night-clubs most of the girls are hot (or maybe I'm a little drunk?). I can easily find 5 or 6 per night that I can approach.

[baller08]

First off all, it's not "up to chance". If it is then there would be no difference between the success that Mark has and anyone else here. And we clearly know that isn't true. So right off the bat, that is a bad mindset.

Secondly your issue here isn't venue or volume. The problem is your mindset and approach. There is no magical difference between meeting women at night or day...if you're attractive to women then you're attractive to women. Its different but not easier or harder.

Instead of learning a whole new set of techniques for "club game" which is really just an excuse to not work on the core issues, continue to work on your mindset, your approaches, and lifestyle. There are many hot women during the day but perhaps you still have some level of AA that is keeping you from approaching them. Club environment will not make that easier.

[Jon]

@ Baller - if the goal is "i want to be around as many hot women as possible right now" I don't know of any place better than a nightclub. That said, notorious, I don't know where you live but the numbers you are giving on both fronts seem a bit low. I will regularly see more than 5 attractive women at a club per night, and more than 5 attractive women throughout a week.

I wouldn't say there are a whole new set of techniques for talking to girls at bars, but there are certain social conventions that apply at bars and clubs that don't apply elsewhere, especially the kinds where you can talk to girls (there are quiet pubs where people sit and have serious conversations, but I feel like that's not what you have in mind, notorious). You have to understand the social conventions to do well with meeting people there. It's not a big deal to learn it, and frankly it sounds like you basically recognized this fact, but were looking for some confirmation.

[The Notorious PhD]

@Baller:

On the role of chance:

You're right. My point was just that a very small percentage of the women one approaches will end in lays.

On clubs vs. daytime:

I'll just say that I've noticed a definitive difference in how girls respond to me in a club vs. during the daytime. But that's just my experience, and further I am inexperienced.

Agree with you on the lifestyle part.

On approach anxiety:

I probably have some, but during the day I'm as close to fearless as it gets. I've tons to improve on: my tonality, body language, conversational ability etc. But when it comes to approaching during the daytime, the only trigger I need is a hot girl.

I'm going through the Approach program right now, and the only reason I signed-up for it was mainly for its advice/exercises for bars/night-clubs.

I know that one day I'll get bored of those venues - but not yet.

[chiclover]

(04-30-2012 09:29 PM)baller08 Wrote:  First off all, it's not "up to chance". If it is then there would be no difference between the success that Mark has and anyone else here. And we clearly know that isn't true. So right off the bat, that is a bad mindset.

Secondly your issue here isn't venue or volume. The problem is your mindset and approach. There is no magical difference between meeting women at night or day...if you're attractive to women then you're attractive to women. Its different but not easier or harder.

Instead of learning a whole new set of techniques for "club game" which is really just an excuse to not work on the core issues, continue to work on your mindset, your approaches, and lifestyle. There are many hot women during the day but perhaps you still have some level of AA that is keeping you from approaching them. Club environment will not make that easier.

Sorry Baller, I have to respectfully disagree with you about the chance part. Sure, it's not everything, but in dating, luck does play a big part. Being able to convert can depend on several factors (logistical issues, the girls mood, her situation etc.) Also, I really hate to say it, but being tall and good looking goes a long way especially in nightclubs as a lot (not all) of the hot women can be very superficial. I have a really tall, good looking friend. He does and says absolutely nothing except talk to us, and gorgeous girls randomly approach him and start hugging and making out with him. They just toss their numbers at him after say 5 minutes of very superficial conversation, and he pretty much always ends up banging them. He tells me a lot of these girls aren't as "tough" as they might appear and that they usually have self esteem issues. So these are some of the "challenges" you can expect in a night club. Like someone above said, if you have day game working for you, I would just stick to that and maybe go to higher traffic areas (eg. downtown). I don't wanna scare you from the clubs though. You can definitely pull tail too, I'm just saying to work to your strengths.

[Chaos]

@chiclover, dating is like numbers theory. Results with any specific woman are subject to chance, results are NOT.