How to self-correct in the absence of a teacher

[The Notorious PhD]

In the "minimum requirements to get good" thread, the importance of feedback and adaptation was stressed as a requirement to get good.

More generally, research on the acquisition of expertise also stresses the crucial role great teachers/coaches play in developing someone's talent.

In the context of getting good with cold-approaching women, how do I get feedback and self-correct if I'm going at this alone?

For example, my approaches/game for the past two weeks were absolutely terrible. Marathon rejections, over and over. I could definitely feel that something was off but I couldn't place my finger on it.

So when it comes to correcting the body language, tonality, etc. - the mechanical aspects of game - is trial and error the only solution?

[Leo]

I've learned a LOT from my mistakes, you really learned from what you make wrong instead of what you do right. At the same time you can't take anything personally; you don't know what's going on in somebody else's mind UNLESS that person communicates in an honest and direct way with you. You have to remember too that this is a numbers game; not all girls are gona like you (of course), something that a girl can love about you another one can hates it. Everybody is different, so CALIBRATION is a huge tool, knowing how to read a woman and what she's looking for is key. You should have an idea about with what kind of women you can be more successful (demographics).
After all humans learn through trial and error, see how a baby learn to walk, he falls and picks himself up, dosn't judge himself and keeps trying.
Something that has helped me a lot is asking my sister about my interactions with women, she gives me her opinion based in her perspective as a woman and I can use it whit different women, but again everybody is different and you can't generalize so calibration is key. As long you keep inteacting with women and learn from your mistakes you will be fine. You have to learn a lot about YOURSELF too.
About body language I think watching movies with guys that are good with women is a good idea.

[Chaos]

The thing that helped me the most was keeping a journal... more or less. I don't really kept a journal because I'm lousy at being constant about writing in it, but I would analyze everything I have done during the night with every chick and try to get where I've done a good thing and where I had fucked up and the things I could have done better.

I think that's also the original intent of FR, to help you keep track of what you're doing and to let you focus on analyzing yourself. In the end that might result in over analyzing everything you do and seeing ghosts and reactions where there are none. Still at the time it was a really useful tool for me, this is from about a year and a half ago when I was starting with this:

Quote:...Then we head to another location so I open a 5 set to warm up, not really a great set some mix of HB6 and one HB7 with very low energy. I think I came with too much energy and though I manage to stay there for about 4 or 5 minutes I don't feel I was able to really lock in.

I went back to my friends and stayed there for about 5-10 minutes laughing and having fun but I didn't want to lose momentum so I though I needed another set more for warm up so I just pick up a three set with some HB6 and a cute HB7.5. I opened one of the HB6 with "excuse me, I know that might be weird by I was wondering which of us were you looking at" ... I think I delivered right with a smile and she and her friends started giggling. Then I just went with the flow, we started talking and I think I really handle well the entire set, engaging each of them and slowly focusing on the HB7.5. I started soft kino and kino escalation and it was going really well but then she told me "I have a boyfriend" (or so I though) ... and I told her "that's cool" and just kept on talking to all of them. So after a while one of my friends came and told me they wanted to leave (I've been talking like 30 minutes give it or take) so I just ask one of the friends for her number and said "you're cool guys, I'll give you a call and we can hang out some other time" ... and to the HB7.5, you can come too, no matter if you have a boyfriend .... and she's like "oh, actually I don't have a boyfriend, I told you before" .... and that completely blows me of, I think I should have then asked her for her number but I simply flaked... don't know if I'll use the HB6 number to try to get to her.

Gosh, I actually feel ashamed to read those but I swear those were spectacularly useful...

[Paul]

(05-16-2012 01:23 PM)Chaos Wrote:  Gosh, I actually feel ashamed to read those but I swear those were spectacularly useful...

Chaos... I know that interaction did not go perfectly, but what about it are you ashamed of? What would you have done differently?

[Chaos]

Oh, it's not about the results, it's about the mental process I had back then... I just thought differently then that I do now... I don't know... reading it now it doesn't feel right, I also happen to remember that night and I basically wasn't escalating enough and was way too needy, even if I was managing to cover it behind some routines.

The thing is now I feel weird rereading it as I realize how mistaken I was and how I was looking at things incorrectly... but to be able to be were I'm now I had to go through that process.

[Jon]

Yes, a lot of this stuff is trial and error. For voice, record yourself speaking (not in interactions, just at home) and see how it sounds. Body language takes time to implement. It is a gradual process.

Also, you might not be able to find a mentor, but can you find somebody who is at your level to work on things with?

[The Notorious PhD]

@ Chaos - I can see the value in journaling. Maybe I'll start a thread with my "FR"'s like Hakr and Juggernaut have done.

@ Leo - Your advice about not judging oneself for failure is good. I sometimes forget that.

@ Jon - I'm working on this. Thing is, right after graduating from college all of my social circle has dispersed across the country. I moved to a new place as well where I don't have the social structure I used to.

[Leo]

Failure? Hummmm, you mean a learning experience, right?

[JYL]

Similar case here, well I haven't exactly cold-approached ever yet, but in terms of interacting with women I just think about how it went, what I could have done better, and what I liked. I don't do this analytically or take it too seriously and worry about every detail, but something like, "yeah in hindsight, I should have gone for that kiss. damn."