How to overcome the awkwardness of initiating physical contact

[Guyintheback]

Hi!

The title says it all: How do I overcome the awkwardness when I start to touch a woman?

I try to be a more physical person, but whenever I try to establish physical contact it feels awkward. And I think this awkwardness isn't noticed only by me, but by the women as well. I am always so ... well, stiff when I first try to connect physically.

The thing is: Once I am comfortable with a girl I don't have that problem anymore. I can also do it guys without feeling strange. But whenever I try to touch a girl I just met (on the arm, for example) my timing is off. I pick the wrong moment, the wrong spot, my gaze is focused on my hand extending towards her....really creepy :-)

I've been trying to get over this for quite some time now, but it just won't get any better.

Thanks for helping!

[Leo]

You are over-analyzing. Touching a girl that you just met in the arm it's normal. Some girls are touchy feely. When a girl is attracted to you she's waiting for you to touch her, it's in her eyes, her facial expression, her body language. Learn from your mistakes, get some experience, try it. Just don't go to home plate before going to the other bases first.

Guyintheback Wrote:Hi!

The title says it all: How do I overcome the awkwardness when I start to touch a woman?

I try to be a more physical person, but whenever I try to establish physical contact it feels awkward. And I think this awkwardness isn't noticed only by me, but by the women as well. I am always so ... well, stiff when I first try to connect physically.

The thing is: Once I am comfortable with a girl I don't have that problem anymore. I can also do it guys without feeling strange. But whenever I try to touch a girl I just met (on the arm, for example) my timing is off. I pick the wrong moment, the wrong spot, my gaze is focused on my hand extending towards her....really creepy :-)

I've been trying to get over this for quite some time now, but it just won't get any better.

Thanks for helping!

[CHB2]

Well I am not necessarily the best source on this, as initiating physical contact is probably the one area I feel I am pretty strong at naturally. However I've found that any awkwardness really comes from waiting to initiate physical contact. I think of it kind of like waiting to approach a group - the longer you wait, the harder it usually is and the worse it usually goes. I honestly can't remember a time when I just touched a woman's arm within the first couple of seconds of approaching that she was freaked out by it. So long as you don't grab and you don't leave it on her just dangling on her arm or shoulder, you should be fine. As a lot of the material says - woman have no idea whether you are a touchy feely guy and will generally avoid being rude.

My friend once said he doesn't like touching girls he just meets because he doesn't want to be perceived as one of those really aggressive guys. I responded that its not really aggressive touching a girls arm when you first meet them, or when they are laughing at a joke - its exactly what you would do with platonic female friends. In terms of your gaze, you should always do your best to smile at the person or people you are approaching - don't put the focus on your hand reaching towards them, or it will be awkward.

I don't know if any of that is really concrete advice, but I hope it is helpful. Good luck!

[Alvar]

It's part of the process, you should count on it being awkward, because you haven't done it before naturally. New habits take its time.

[Jon]

start doing it, and you will get used to it. It will feel less awkward within a few months.

[Prague]

Think of this as something you can get better at, step by step.

I totally recommend you take up dancing if you haven't already - preferably a Latin or intimate dance. After a few weeks or months it'll be the best touching and escalation coaching you can get

[Andy]

Prague Wrote:I totally recommend you take up dancing if you haven't already - preferably a Latin or intimate dance. After a few weeks or months it'll be the best touching and escalation coaching you can get

This is true, to a certain extent; I did a salsa/zouk workshop about a month ago (because I like dancing, not for the sake of meeting women), and one thing I remember for me personally is that after the workshop my motivation for meeting women actually went up considerably. Maybe it's because you're moving and dancing really close to a woman, at times it can feel like an 'intimate' experience if you get really into the dance. So yeah, it was a great motivator.

As for it being "the best" escalation coaching.. this is debatable. It is good, however it does have its limits. For example you're not going to start randomly making out with a dance partner you never met before because you feel like it. Also, I found it's only socially acceptable to touch her in places you would normally touch her while dancing; holding her hand with one hand, other hand on her back/waist. Doing anything else would seem weird if you don't know the girl.

[Prague]

Your writing style there Andy reminds me of a certain friend of yours.

In any case given that I know quite a bit of your story this year, I'd add that it is a great hobby to take up, especially when you're in a dry patch and not dating anyone.

Like anything, if it sounds interesting, give it a shot for 3 or so months straight and see how you like it. In my case I've had tons of lessons this year and think it's been great for many reasons.

[Guyintheback]

Thanks for the replies, everyone. I guess I'll just keep trying and push through the pain

As for dancing: I like freestyle "dancing" in discos and clubs, but salsa doesn't sound too tempting right now. I'm pretty sure it's a great way to lose the awkwardness when touching women, but I wouldn't be much into it right now.

[Prague]

I don't get the resistance on this thread to taking up dancing.

Well, I can guess..

Anyhow, in short, let's saying you're awkward with touching girls and want to meet them. Add to that some fun from meeting new people, feeling in a good mood after listening to the upbeat music as well as the physical activity. Dance is just great.

But ultimately we all make our choices. Some guys prefer other sports and activities (lots of PUA coaches seem to do boxing), but if you're awkward about physical contact with a woman as this thread suggests I think dancing here will beat boxing hands down.

In Prague a Latin dance lesson costs about $10 - I can't think of a better way to get more close and physical with a girl, meet new people, have fun and so on for this price. Except of course for simply doing 10 approaches tomorrow and simply escalating right there and then - but how likely is that to happen

[Mark]

I agree with Prague. Even if you don't particularly enjoy the dancing, it's worth doing a handful of times because you're forced into close physical proximity with women for so long and forced to touch them repeatedly for hours. It also forces you to become aware of their movements and body language which is important as well. It's worth trying.

And who knows, maybe you'll love it. Wouldn't be the first time.

[Guyintheback]

Alright, you got me...I'll give it a try once university stops torturing me with assignment after assignment. Which won't be before christmas, at least.

Till then I have a look when and where those courses start, maybe even the university is offering one.

[Prague]

Hey I hope you'll give it a go - and write about how it feels on this thread.

And btw it doesn't have to be salsa, although it is probably the easiest to find a class for. There are several Latin styles in fact and if you're in the states there's bound to be a place near you.

Keep us posted 8)

[Mark]

Don't know about your university, but I know the extra-curricular dance classes in mine were always like 2:1 girls to guys. Usually free with your tuition as well.