How to find the interesting part about girls when cold approaching??

[Thenewguy]

I learned in the connection program that almost everyone has something interesting in/about them, that it's MY job to find and bring it out in them, not their job to show me, especially if I'm the aggressor. To an extent, this makes sense.

But when I'm approaching a girl, and she didn't reject me up front (usually meaning she's at least curious), and you're talking to her, and she answers everything regarding an opinion with an "I don't know." It's kind of hard to believe that there's something interesting...

"What do you do for fun?"
"Favorite movie?"
"What makes you the most happy?"
"What's your biggest dream in life?"

Her: "I don't know lol"

This has been the story with about 80% of the girls I've approached that don't flat out reject me. Sometimes I honestly can't tell if it's because they're just humoring me and not interested, so they don't care, or they really just don't know how to appear interesting.

But I'm gonna give you guys the benefit of the doubt that it's MY fault for not being able to get her to show me something interesting about herself. So I'm asking for ways that I could talk to a girl to get her to be able to show me her most interesting traits, or traits that I will find endearing, please.

Just in case this might mean anything, I've only ever cold-approached girls at malls. Day game.

[The Notorious PhD]

This is common. Don't beat yourself up over it. Usually it's because girls are nervous when you cold-approach them.

If they freeze-up, share something about yourself, then ask about that general category of thing. Here's an example that happened to me [commentary in italics]:

Me: Do you have any experience that you feel changed you as a person?

Mind you, I didn't really ask this up-front. It was after we'd been bullshitting for a bit.

Girl: Um...I dunno...I guess my life's been pretty normal...

She's thinking I want some life-changing Oprah-esque moment. I don't. I just want her to open up about something deeper than surface BS

Me: Well for me, for example, it was going to summer camp. I had to live with a bunch of strangers and figure out how to get along with them. It taught me a lot about what I like and dislike in others, and I learned a lot about myself....I was really judgmental as a teenager

Notice that I took a relatively ordinary event, summer camp, that lots of Americans have experienced and related it a slightly deeper growth process. Now she has at least a template to work with. She could tell me about her summer camp experience, or going to college, or graduating from college and moving to a new city, etc. At this point, I'm choosing not to discuss the more hardcore shit from my life because I'm easing her into opening-up. We get deeper progressively.

Me: What was it like the first time you were out on your own?

I re-ask the question, but this time it's a bit more focused and she's primed for a type of response.

Girl: Well, I guess, a similar thing happened to me at my first job after college, because I hadn't really worked alongside other different people before...etc.

I didn't really even have to ask the question...she would've opened-up because I laid a pathway for her. But anyway, that's how that went.

You could do this with anything. Say, you wanna find out what she likes to do. Tell her about your favorite activity. Then ask what's an activity she likes to do with her friends. Sometimes you just have to "prime" people to give you information.

[Creatine Dreams]

Maybe you should be using "The Claw"...

[Thenewguy]

Thanks Phd. Will try this

[Mark]

You do run into girls like this but it definitely should not be 80% of them.

Sometimes you need to kind of bait an answer out of them to get them started talking about themselves.

For instance:

Me: "What do you like about living in Miami?"
Her: "Oh, I don't know. It's cool here."
Me: "Do you like the music? The beaches? The shopping?"
Her: "Oh, I go to the beach all the time. I love it."

From there you can get more out of her.

[juggernaut92]

"what is something interesting that no one would guess about you?"

[Thor]

I cant remember where I read this but its a good analogy. If you were take a girls hand and ask her to step into a dark room. She will refuse but if you enter the dark room first she will follow.

Likewise if someone doesnt answer your open ended question share something about yourself first.

ME: So how do you have fun on the weekends ?
Girl; well urrrhh (goes silent)
ME: I love watching 3D movies at the imax have you seen a 3D movie ?
Girl: yeah I saw blah blah
ME: Havent seen blah blah yet but one thing is for sure I can never ever go back to seeing 2d movies again
Girl: me too blah blah blah

I know its a not great example but you get my drift ?

[Thenewguy]

I tried what you guys said today. It works great, thanks

I would ask what they do for fun, they usually say that they don't know, then I say I like to play in the forest, movies, friends, adventure. Then I ask them if they like the outdoors, basically baiting things out of them.

I think my confidence is increasing and I can visibly see the results, more girls seem to react more positive to me statistically.

[Kayvee]

(06-28-2012 04:18 AM)Thenewguy Wrote:  I tried what you guys said today. It works great, thanks

I would ask what they do for fun, they usually say that they don't know, then I say I like to play in the forest, movies, friends, adventure. Then I ask them if they like the outdoors, basically baiting things out of them.

I think my confidence is increasing and I can visibly see the results, more girls seem to react more positive to me statistically.

Hey Hey!

I think you've gotten some good advice so far, so i'll add my experiences/skills as a little back up.

Firstly,
I teach guys life improvement/love life improvement in China (Chinese guys! and sometimes Foreigners) and we have a particular way to ask questions that differs from what most people do/consciously do.


So here it is:

1. Figure out what you want to know.
2. Ask Comparative questions.
3. Find the desired Quality.
4. Dig dig dig for the motivation behind the quality
5. Tell them why you appreciate this Quality/why it's important to your life/share things about your life that are relevant to that quality.

For example:

1. I like girls that can travel with me, go swimming at the beach and eat food from different countries.

So lets say i'm talking to a Chinese girl (they usually aren't very adventurous and don't get to travel as much as Koreans or Japanese girls) and ask her 'what do you like to do'.

She will probably answer 'eat, sleep, use the internet'.

Which sucks.

(Asian girls don't typically open up as much as Western girls while talking to strangers/new people, so this whole thing is designed to dig for info)

So because before i even met her, I've figured out what qualities i like and what i'm after i know what to ask, the trick is asking the right way:


Hey, have you ever traveled to other countries before, like Thai land or Korea or Japan?

her: yes/no.

yes: Oh great, what did you do in X country? Did you eat all the local food or go swimming or play with the monkeys or did you just stay in ur hotel and eat rice/sleep?

her: Oh...i went swimming and ate lots of X food (lets say Thai food.)

You went swimming? You weren't afraid of sharks? (make shark attack motion - this is a small joke) I went to X place before and i had a great time because i did X and X and X, I really liked going out and doing stuff i thought that it was lots of fun and i like people who like to explore.

So why did you pick Thai land above any other country? Thai land is a bit more exciting than most other places, you weren't afraid you could get killed by an elephant or breath fire from eating all the chillies?

her: haha no, i went to TL because of X reason (she will start revealing the real information instead of the mental masturbation that people usually spit out as the initial answer) and i was happy to eat the hot food/avoid being killed by elephants.

This happens because you give her choices to choose from and then you push her in a particular direction to give you more information.

me: I think it's really cool that you went there and did X and X, it shows that you are an adventurous person (or whatever quality you're seeking that matches what you're talking about) and i like that because i'm the same way because i liked to do X in X place.

no: ok, so if i gave you a planet ticket and you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you like to go? Thai land to ride elephants? Korea? Egypt? America?

Giving multiple options makes people think.

her: i would go to....Thai land.

oh ok, why would you go there? what about Thai land interests you? You want to ride an elephant?

her: I would go to thai land because of x and x

hmmm it's interesting that you chose TL as most people would probably choose X place, you seem to be pretty open minded, why are you that way? because your parents also are or just your mum?

her: because of x and x

Continue conversation.



I had a discussion with a guy yesterday who came to my weekly free meeting and it went like this:


Why are you coming to this meeting today? instead you could be eating, sleeping or hanging out with ur friends? (comparative question)

Him: I wanted to share my experiences with others and learn something new. (this reason is true, but it's not the real emotional reason why)

Ok, i get what you mean, so why would you want to learn something new? what do you feel that you lack in your life? a gf? love? ability to approach strangers?

Him: I want to find a gf because i haven't had one in a long time and i feel really nervous when approaching people.

Ah ha, so here's the real reason (his motivation is mainly to find a gf and fix his approach prob) now what do you usually do when you approach people?

Him: I usually walk up and tell them i think they have a good energy and i'd like to get to know him, we can be friends, then i ask for their numbers (this is pretty much what all the Chinese PUAs do).
(Also this guy is 30something and about 140cms tall)

(my next question to him was about the gf and what sort of girl would add value to his life/make him happy)


So i hope you can see from the examples how i'm opening the question up by comparing and then digging for more info and then explaining why i like X thing (this makes people comfortable about sharing themselves with you).


If it's all just incoherent rambling, give me a shout and i'll give it another bash.