How to communicate to girls that you're only interested in casual sex?

[The Notorious PhD]

As I posted in my journal, my last date was great.

I was physical with the girl from the get-go, the conversation flowed smoothly, and we shared a good bit about our life.

At the end of the night she essentially asked me to take her back to my place.

But I didn't.

I felt I hadn't been honest with her about what I want.

Early in the evening, she asked me if I do this often (get girls' numbers on the street). I evaded her question because at that point I thought she was a conservative girl who'd just up and leave if I said yes.

I don't see myself dating anyone exclusively right now. What I want is casual sex with a slew of girls I find attractive, maybe a fuck-buddy if we have great chemistry.

So my question is: How do I communicate that ours will be a non-serious/one-time thing during the date? Do I literally just say the above statement?

I'm meeting-up with another girl next week. I want to do it right this time.

[Zelazny]

Simply be honest, don't create false impressions. And do realize that you're not responsible for other people misunderstanding your intentions as long as you honestly try to communicate them.

That doesn't help you, but it's better to earnest early on. And that doesn't mean you have to explicitly say "I'd like to keep this casual" even though that would work. I doubt you flirt by implying your long-term-partner potential, instead this is probably by showing sexual interest. Don't assume more if you're not implying more.

[SeXyBaCk]

Mark... your forum really needs a "mildly slap this dude in a vertical top-down motion across forehead" option below every post, as a sort of an un-like-option.

Notorious... you're making me miserable man, DUH! Re-read your post

"At the end of the night she essentially asked me to take her back to my place."
"I thought she was a conservative girl"

You kinda blew it don't you think? You were touching her all evening, she knew what was going on. You don't owe a woman anything. If she's on a date with you, that's her choice, if she has sex with you, that's her choice. You don't have to communicate it ad verbatum. Having sex after having just met is not a bad thing either. Just be safe. You're having some sort of cognitive sexual shame maybe?

[Chaos]

Stop taking decisions from her. You can only be honest (but not stupid).

What I mean with honest but not stupid is. When I meet a girl and we're making out for the first time I won't go out of my way to tell her "I plan on meeting and fucking other women, this isn't serious nor can it be... just so you know" ... It's assumed is casual, maybe it wasn't when you were 18, but above 21 it's assumed is casual until proven guilty... so you don't need to make any excuses for her or clarify things. If she wants to go to your place and have wild sex you have no supreme moral obligation to assume anything. Probably she just want to rip your clothes off and fuck you without wanting a sexual relationship.

And by the way, any girl that ask you to take her back to your place definitively knows it's casual, probably even wants casual.

[Mark]

"I'm not looking for anything serious right now."

Boom.

My experience is you'll lose a significant percentage of them to this (anywhere from 1/3 to 1/2), but they're always grateful that you were up front about it.

What's also common is that at first they'll be like "Oh, I don't do the casual hook up thing, that's not me." And then a few days (or few hours) later they're like "Oh whatever, let's just have fun."

[don]

Girls arent stupid, they're not expecting to get married after a one night stand.

You just wasted that girls night when she could have been off talking to a guy that was going to take her home (which from the sounds of it she wanted).

Bit of a dick move to be honest.

[dr. love]

(07-08-2012 06:14 PM)don Wrote:  Girls arent stupid, they're not expecting to get married after a one night stand.

You just wasted that girls night when she could have been off talking to a guy that was going to take her home (which from the sounds of it she wanted).

Bit of a dick move to be honest.

I wouldn't say it's a dick move. I mean, were not obliged to sleep with anyone, not even our girlfriends or wives. If you feel like it you can even give the girl LMR and you're not doing anything wrong. But yeah, girls know a one night stand is what it is. I haven't heard any girl say she's angry for a guy not continuing to see her, but many girls complain that guys start to hang on them after a one night stand.

[SeXyBaCk]

Well... on occasion some do want more. I've been accused in the past of giving off mixed signals or making it seem I wanted more. I put that down to my mad love skillz though.

I feel it's a bit of a grey area. If you want to be super correct and safe (avoid any icky conversation at a later stage) just stick to what Mark suggested. Most women do get it, but not all do. It also just happens that you have a one night stand with someone you did like right off the bat who is really cool.

[don]

Well if you reverse the genders in the situation the girl would be disparaged as a tease.

You certainly have a right to choose, but if you spend the whole night flirting with a girl only to ditch her when she ask's to go home with you, probably causing her emotional grief.....

in my book that is a dick move (which i'm using as shorthand for very mildly offensive).

(07-09-2012 03:02 AM)dr. love Wrote:  

(07-08-2012 06:14 PM)don Wrote:  Girls arent stupid, they're not expecting to get married after a one night stand.

You just wasted that girls night when she could have been off talking to a guy that was going to take her home (which from the sounds of it she wanted).

Bit of a dick move to be honest.

I wouldn't say it's a dick move. I mean, were not obliged to sleep with anyone, not even our girlfriends or wives. If you feel like it you can even give the girl LMR and you're not doing anything wrong. But yeah, girls know a one night stand is what it is. I haven't heard any girl say she's angry for a guy not continuing to see her, but many girls complain that guys start to hang on them after a one night stand.

[The Notorious PhD]

Guys, thanks so much for your input. I'll implement the changes that you mentioned from now on.

I'm still a wuss when it comes to physical escalation, though, markedly better than before. Another date this week, I will for sure try to pull the trigger.

The last date went well, but I again chickened-out in terms of fully escalating. I'm going to call this girl again, though.