How to build a dynamic social circle
Hi, this is my first post. Allow me to introduce myself (if you just want to see my question, skip down).
I am 23 yo and live in Melbourne, Australia. I joined the PUA scene in 2010 after realising that I was obsessed with an unattainable girl ("oneitis"). I improved my skills with women, developed as a man in a number of different areas, grew disillusioned with PUA and left. Many of those reasons are the same as those cited on this site. I learned that no one has all the answers when it comes to attracting women and the highest quality girls (personality & looks) are usually in relationships. Once you have all the foundations in place, timing/luck/access to these girls becomes more critical than pick up skills. Furthermore, I don't enjoy hanging out with the majority of guys within the PUA community and the few I get on really well with have mostly left, just like me. I'm now sleeping with one new girl per month on average but sex as an end in itself is not satisfying on a holistic level.
I'm a recent law graduate looking for a job. Although I'm currently studying for a diploma of legal practice, while I remain unemployed my self-esteem and sense of identity is not as secure as it could otherwise be. I have a strong positive mindset regardless and will persevere until I succeed. I'm making use of my contacts and sending out cover letters.
Until recently (last month), I believe I had a form of internet addiction and have since cut back to minimal internet usage - under 1 hour per day. I have a wide taste in music, a good sense of fashion, and aim to read a new book every month. That's enough about me.
My question is this: how to build a dynamic social circle. At the moment I will be honest, I have no social circle in Melbourne. I have friends but no scene or hub of consistent social activity. Conversely, I had amazingly vibrant social circles when I lived in Broome, Western Australia for 1.5 months in 2011 and Bangkok, Thailand for 3 months from December 2011 - February 2012 (10-20 people per circle who all knew each other), which has made me appreciate just how lacklustre my lifestyle is at present. I was pretty well regarded in both those groups so I'm puzzled as to what I'm doing wrong now in my home town.
Now that I am post-university, building a quality social circle seems slightly more challenging. Most advice seems to be simply 'join clubs'. I am a member of two cross country clubs and one tennis club. They are great for meeting people who like to run and play tennis (and I know some great people from these groups) but not so much finding people that want to explore the city with me and go out to gigs, bars, party etc. I'm also a member of the Australian Institute of International Affairs where lectures are delivered on foreign policy but this group doesn't attract any cool people my age either (most people are 30+).
In Broome I was a member of a djembe club in which everyone was under 30yo. I tried to do the same thing in Melbourne but I found that it was the opposite. Salsa is a terrible recommendation for the same reason. In Bangkok I think I was just fortunate to be introduced to a guy who had a lot of friends. His friends became mine. A lot of them were involved in a youth media-charity project but I can't find an equivalent thing here in Melbourne.
So what to do? One idea is to spend time with 'social gatekeepers'. I have one friend who has an enviable social circle and claims to have conquered Melbourne's indie scene (and he's a 5"5 indian post-PUA that dates a lot of anglo girls by the way). I had dinner with him tonight and asked him for advice. He told me you can't force friendships, it's something that happens organically and takes time. He knows a lot of really cool people and has 2-3 house parties per week. His interests just seem more conducive to forming a social circle than mine (particularly one that has girls): fashion, photography and live music. He admits that his fashion orientated friends (or at least the scene to which they belong) are pretty cliquish so I wouldn't simply fit in unless I actually I wanted to seriously invest in that community and shared their passion.
Anyway, here are some things I am trying to do to turn things around:
- I've signed up to Meetup and plan to go to a newly formed graduate group's Friday night drinks. My friend thinks it will attract a lot of socially awkward types but I will be happy as long as I can find one or two people who I click with. The girl organising appears to be hot which could be an added benefit.
- I applied to join a Meetup brunch group which had a lot of girls in their 20s but I haven't been accepted yet :3 I'm not sure if that's rejection, it might just have too many members. I'm going to hit up one of the friendliest looking members of the group and ask if I can come along.
- I'm going to stop studying in my room (I'm doing an online course). I'll start studying at a small number of cool indie cafes (the ones with WiFi) regularly and see if I can get to know the people who work at those places over a period of time.
- I'll try to go to the same gigs that my socially well connected friends attend.
Any other suggestions?