How to approach a shy-looking Russian classmate

[Exciting Year]

Hi everybody.
First off a little bit of background information on me: I'm a college freshman and I love anything Russian. I am also in a band, play guitar and speak 3 languages. Languages are my thing, but my schedule and finances won't allow me to take Russian classes at the moment.
Anywho there is this girl in one of my classes who appears shy (I base myself on how she talks (the little bit that she does anyway) and the way she carries herself). Anywho she's also quite adorable. I wanted to talk to her but never got around to it until yesterday. She sat next to me in class and she opened her laptop and checked her email. I looked over and I saw that the entire website was in Russian. Then I made a connection with the fact that she has a very, very faint accent and I deduced she was Russian.
Usually, when I meet Russian people I get a little overexcited and may come off as a little "jumpy." I'm new to this forum too, and haven't had much experience talking to girls, but I'm not shy and I feel comfortable in most situations with the opposite gender.
Anyone have any tips as to how I can use my love for the language and culture in order to get to know and court this girl?

Thanks, -EY

[Halo Effect]

Okay, so let me get this straight.

You have already talked with this beautiful Russian girl. You are not shy and feel comfortable around girls. You love the Russian culture and language, which you already used to establish a connection. You will see her regularly as she is in one of your classes.

Is this when Bowser comes to kidnap the princess?

Seriously, talk with her again, ask if she wants to get a coffee after class or do homework together or something.
To respond to your question of how to use your love of the culture and language to establish a connection... You can just say it, that you love the culture and language. If you mean it, it will come across as sincere and not try-hard. In my experience, if you say some words in her language, she will like it a lot. Ask her questions and relate to what she says and just be yourself. (Then ask her to get a drink or do some other activity if you have had a fun conversation. (If that's scary, ask her facebook in class, and then on Facebook ask her out! Anxiety-proof strategy.))

[Exciting Year]

(03-08-2012 07:46 PM)Halo Effect Wrote:  Okay, so let me get this straight.

You have already talked with this beautiful Russian girl. You are not shy and feel comfortable around girls. You love the Russian culture and language, which you already used to establish a connection. You will see her regularly as she is in one of your classes.

Is this when Bowser comes to kidnap the princess?

Seriously, talk with her again, ask if she wants to get a coffee after class or do homework together or something.

Ah, no. I'm sorry I must have misguided you. We're in the same class. We (so far) have never had a conversation, but I've heard her say only a few words to the professor right after class, and I base myself off of that. She doesn't participate in class discussions and certainly doesn't interact with other students, but she doesn't appear to be a snob. I just thought she was adorable but never really did anything about it until I deduced she was Russian.
Oh no wait! One time we where having a "communal" conversation (the prof, her, another fella and I) about trading customs and she made a comment about Bulgarian trading customs (which made me deduce by her looks and her comment that she was eastern european). But she was looking at me the whole time. Maybe she can "feel" my attraction to her? haha. But yeah we have that in common but I need to establish the connection. If it was any other girl, I'd probably just throw myself out there. But I want to make a great first impression on her and even though I'm not shy I don't have a lot of experience talking to girls in my class (all my relationships have been with girls I connected with thanks to outside circumstances).
So yeah, any tips will be appreciated.

[Halo Effect]

I edited my post while you replied. I do that a lot. But you are right, I misread the post.

You are putting her on a pedestal now, making her amazing in your head and psyching yourself up - yet, for all you know, she might have the dullest personality ever. Saying something like "I was wondering, are you Russian?" is a fine way to start talking to her. You can say that you think the culture and language is very interesting, and that you were curious about her. (Don't blurt this all out at once though, let her talk and listen calmly ). If she acts happy or positive or even shy, that's very good. Then you can ask her to get a drink some time or ask her Facebook.

[Exciting Year]

(03-08-2012 08:00 PM)Halo Effect Wrote:  I edited my post while you replied. I do that a lot. But you are right, I misread the post.

You are putting her on a pedestal now, making her amazing in your head and psyching yourself up - yet, for all you know, she might have the dullest personality ever. Saying something like "I was wondering, are you Russian?" is a fine way to start talking to her. You can say that you think the culture and language is very interesting, and that you were curious about her. (Don't blurt this all out at once though, let her talk and listen calmly ). If she acts happy or positive or even shy, that's very good. Then you can ask her to get a drink some time or ask her Facebook.

I feared I was putting her on a pedestal. I recognize I do that a lot. But thank you for your quick reply, and honestly now that I read your suggestion I wonder how I didn't think of that. It's a great idea
But I have another quickie:

Quote:Then you can ask her to get a drink some time or ask her Facebook.

Just like that? in the same conversation? Shouldn't I wait to at least set a foundation or something?

[Halo Effect]

It's scary to show that you like her, which is exactly why so many guys end up being "just friends". Because they talk with a girl and are very nice and friendly and they have nice and friendly conversations, without ever escalating things.

Being class mates, the situation is different from a typical "cold approach". You don't have to rush things. (By the way, being class mates, asking her stuff about whatever you're studying can also be an excuse to start talking to her. Or comment on the lecture. Just say anything.) Maybe don't suggest that you go for drinks in the first conversation, but something as simple as "I have to go. What's your facebook? Would be fun to talk more some other time." shows interest while not being weird. If it's normal to have lunch at your school, or drink coffee, you can walk out of the class after it ends while talking with her and suggest you drink something together so you can keep talking.

Those are normal ways of showing a little bit of interest. Alternatively, you can say anything you like. In the other thread guys are discussing that walking up to girls and asking them to have sex has a 5-7% chance of them saying yes. And the guys of SimplePickup on Youtube say weird stuff to girls who then still give them their number. Moral of the story: show interest in her and be a normal dude and you'll be okay.

[Exciting Year]

(03-08-2012 08:30 PM)Halo Effect Wrote:  It's scary to show that you like her, which is exactly why so many guys end up being "just friends". Because they talk with a girl and are very nice and friendly and they have nice and friendly conversations, without ever escalating things.

Being class mates, the situation is different from a typical "cold approach". You don't have to rush things. (By the way, being class mates, asking her stuff about whatever you're studying can also be an excuse to start talking to her. Or comment on the lecture. Just say anything.) Maybe don't suggest that you go for drinks in the first conversation, but something as simple as "I have to go. What's your facebook? Would be fun to talk more some other time." shows interest while not being weird. If it's normal to have lunch at your school, or drink coffee, you can walk out of the class after it ends while talking with her and suggest you drink something together so you can keep talking.

Those are normal ways of showing a little bit of interest. Alternatively, you can say anything you like. In the other thread guys are discussing that walking up to girls and asking them to have sex has a 5-7% chance of them saying yes. And the guys of SimplePickup on Youtube say weird stuff to girls who then still give them their number. Moral of the story: show interest in her and be a normal dude and you'll be okay.

Thanks for the help, man! Tomorrow is my last day of classes before spring break and I have class with her tomorrow. We'll see how it goes and I'll report back.

[Exciting Year]

One last question.
I was going to go with your simple approach. But in case that she responds with "yes how did you know" I was planning on saying something along the lines of "well the other day I noticed you went into a website that was completely in Russian" and elaborate from there. Would this be considered creepy or normal?

[Jon]

NO do not mention the website. Say something along the lines of "oh i heard you in class, your accent is very slight, but I thought I picked it up, or "you just have the look"

[Exciting Year]

(03-09-2012 05:27 AM)Jon Wrote:  NO do not mention the website. Say something along the lines of "oh i heard you in class, your accent is very slight, but I thought I picked it up, or "you just have the look"

Thanks for the reply, Jon. Now I've got all my questions answered, we'll see what happens in a bit!

[Exciting Year]

Well...I walk into class and she's sitting there on one end of her usual table and with her backpack right next to her. Totally did not expect and/or want anyone sitting right next to her. :/ Couldn't really do anything because of that. She also just picked her things up and left. Well played, Russian classmate.
Now we have our spring break for a week, so I'll try again in 10 days.

[Denis]

By 'anyone sitting right next to her' I hope you don't mean her backpack . Was she like, totally surrounded, you couldn't go sit next to her?
A couple of weeks ago, I sat down next to a girl in a new class I was taking, although she was sitting next to someone else. We talked much more than she talked to the guy she was sitting next to before I arrived. The next lecture of that class, I didn't sit down next to her, but with my friends. After class she saw me and said something (don't remember), but I had the impression she missed me. So "someone next to her" is not really a problem. Of course, it depends on who it is. The "someone next to her" probably won't even hear you talking/whispering or intervene.
And if you want, I could learn you some Russian stuff (amongst other things, I'm also a Russian).

(03-09-2012 07:10 PM)Exciting Year Wrote:  Well...I walk into class and she's sitting there on one end of her usual table and with her backpack right next to her. Totally did not expect and/or want anyone sitting right next to her. :/ Couldn't really do anything because of that. She also just picked her things up and left. Well played, Russian classmate.
Now we have our spring break for a week, so I'll try again in 10 days.

[Exciting Year]

She sits in the front of the classroom next to the wall. So on one side, there is a wall. On the other side, she put her backpack on the chair next to her do she blocked herself off. No worries, I'll try next time we have class (in a week because we have spring break).
That would be great, Denis. All I was thinking of using is до свлидания.

[Denis]

I get it. I would've asked if the place (of the backpack) was free.
Definitely try next time XD.
I also don't know which languages you speak (because russian pronunciation might be difficult if you don't know a language with similar phonetics). Russian letters are pronounced like they're written, so that's straightforward, but you would need to know how to pronounce the letters. Which languages do you know already?
It's До свидания.

Other basic phrases:
Hello - ПривЕт
How are you? - Как делА?
What's your name? - Как тебЯ зовУт?
Good - ХорошО
Thanks - СпасИбо
Please - ПожАлуйста (actually pronounced like "пожалуста")
Beauty (beauty like in a person that's beautiful, not the property/concept of beauty) - КрасАвица
Bye - ПокА
(the capital letters in the middle/end of the words indicate where to put the accent)

Some basic filthy Russian phrases (filthy words are widely used so they're not like very filthy, but I'd use them with caution anyway). I put them here because maybe she would find it funny you know those.:
Чё за хуйня? - can be translated as: "what the fuck is this?"
ОфигЕть! (actually pronounced more like Афигеть!) - can be translated as the phrase "awesome!"
АхуEть! - a filthier version of the previous "awesome!", using the word "dick" as the root of the word. Used with a particular expression and in certain circumstances, this (and the previous one) may also express astonishment or being impressed or sarcastic belittlement or other things.
КлAссно! - a safe (but weak) version (without any filthy roots) for "awesome!"
ЕбАть - To fuck
ДолбоЁб - "stupid fuck"
ДурАк - Fool
ДУра - feminine version of fool
ПошЁл на хуй - fuck you/go fuck yourself
ПошлА на хуй - fuck you/go fuck yourself, used when talking to a girl

What else would you like to know?

[Exciting Year]

(03-11-2012 05:31 PM)Denis Wrote:  I get it. I would've asked if the place (of the backpack) was free.
Definitely try next time XD.
I also don't know which languages you speak (because russian pronunciation might be difficult if you don't know a language with similar phonetics). Russian letters are pronounced like they're written, so that's straightforward, but you would need to know how to pronounce the letters. Which languages do you know already?
It's До свидания.

Other basic phrases:
Hello - ПривЕт
How are you? - Как делА?
What's your name? - Как тебЯ зовУт?
Good - ХорошО
Thanks - СпасИбо
Please - ПожАлуйста (actually pronounced like "пожалуста")
Beauty (beauty like in a person that's beautiful, not the property/concept of beauty) - КрасАвица
Bye - ПокА
(the capital letters in the middle/end of the words indicate where to put the accent)

Some basic filthy Russian phrases (filthy words are widely used so they're not like very filthy, but I'd use them with caution anyway). I put them here because maybe she would find it funny you know those.:
Чё за хуйня? - can be translated as: "what the fuck is this?"
ОфигЕть! (actually pronounced more like Афигеть!) - can be translated as the phrase "awesome!"
АхуEть! - a filthier version of the previous "awesome!", using the word "dick" as the root of the word. Used with a particular expression and in certain circumstances, this (and the previous one) may also express astonishment or being impressed or sarcastic belittlement or other things.
КлAссно! - a safe (but weak) version (without any filthy roots) for "awesome!"
ЕбАть - To fuck
ДолбоЁб - "stupid fuck"
ДурАк - Fool
ДУра - feminine version of fool
ПошЁл на хуй - fuck you/go fuck yourself
ПошлА на хуй - fuck you/go fuck yourself, used when talking to a girl

What else would you like to know?

Awesome, man. Thanks! Even though I can't understand the language, I can read and write Russian. Looking for tutorials online is paying off haha). This is gold right here, going to save it in a word document.

The only thing I never understand is how the soft sign affects the words and when you read the letter "Ye" as "eh" or " yeh" you know?

[Denis]

The soft sign softens the preceding consonant. In ебать it softens the 'т', so you don't say it like ебат (which would be "yebat"); instead, the final 't' is softened, so the 't' is pronounced like the 't' in the french pronunciation of 'gautier'. It's difficult to explain XD. This is what the softening sign does.
As for the letter 'e', in ебать, it's pronounced like 'ye'. In Привет and офигеть, it's a 'e' (like in Spanish, the pure 'e' sound). I don't know the rules, but I guess it's 'ye' when it's the first letter of the word or is preceded by a vowel (like in ахуеть) and like a Spanish 'e' when it's preceded by a consonant (maybe the consonant kinda 'absorbs' the "y" part of the "ye" pronunciation of 'e', I don't know). The same for ё. This theory may not be complete (I'm a native speaker and when I saw someone I know trying to learn Russian, I felt lucky I just know it...), but it holds for the examples I've given.
I don't know which pronunciation you mean by 'eh'. Maybe the pronunciation you mean is the letter 'э', like the 'e' in the French 'après'. A 'e' in Russian is always an 'e' (or 'ye'), unlike in French.

[Exciting Year]

(03-11-2012 11:23 PM)Denis Wrote:  The soft sign softens the preceding consonant. In ебать it softens the 'т', so you don't say it like ебат (which would be "yebat"); instead, the final 't' is softened, so the 't' is pronounced like the 't' in the french pronunciation of 'gautier'. It's difficult to explain XD. This is what the softening sign does.
As for the letter 'e', in ебать, it's pronounced like 'ye'. In Привет and офигеть, it's a 'e' (like in Spanish, the pure 'e' sound). I don't know the rules, but I guess it's 'ye' when it's the first letter of the word or is preceded by a vowel (like in ахуеть) and like a Spanish 'e' when it's preceded by a consonant (maybe the consonant kinda 'absorbs' the "y" part of the "ye" pronunciation of 'e', I don't know). The same for ё. This theory may not be complete (I'm a native speaker and when I saw someone I know trying to learn Russian, I felt lucky I just know it...), but it holds for the examples I've given.
I don't know which pronunciation you mean by 'eh'. Maybe the pronunciation you mean is the letter 'э', like the 'e' in the French 'après'. A 'e' in Russian is always an 'e' (or 'ye'), unlike in French.

Yup that's exactly what I meant with "e." I think I get the soft sign now. In English, there is many ways to pronounce the "t" depending on the word but usually it has a ton of inflection compared to spanish t's in the middle of words which are much, much softer. Now all I have to do is get fast at distinguishing between hard and soft consonants.
And yes you are lucky. Russian is a beautiful language, much like the culture and people. Yes it might be a rough place to live, but I come from tougher places. I would love to live there for a year or so to try it out.

[an4367]

hey,

i was curious to find out how things worked out with you and the girl. i hope you were able to get to know her better. let me know if you need any more advice. i'm a russian girl myself and i can tell you that there is nothing more attractive for us than a guy who is confident in his actions, makes the first move and is respectful and chivalrous at the same time. remember that in the culture we were brought up--the guy has to make the first move regardless of the situation. i am positive that if you show genuine interest in her and her background she will not turn you down. and if things don't work out at least she will always have respect for you in that you carried yourself like a gentleman. and next time, ask politely if you can sit next to her! just don't spend the whole lecture gazing at her! :-)))))