How do you stop looking Tough?

[sledgehammer]

Ive experienced many times when people call me "Tough", girls tell me to stop looking so "Tough" and tonight 2 different guys told me I looked "Tough", Im not so sure if this is a "positive" thing cause people seem to distance themselves from me cause of it.

I guess everyone would think it would be cool to look Tough but it feels weird, like people, and girls essentially, put up their defence when you talk to them.

Anyone ever had this weird problem?

[hiphoppotamus]

Smile.

[bwong]

Smile, laugh, and have a positive attitude.

[Edmond Dantès]

These comments are all in my opinion indicators for being fake alpha aka overcompensating.

Follow the advices given above and check out

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http://postmasculine.com/butchering-the-alpha-male

[Matty]

Um, what do you look like? I mean physically. Are you "normal" looking, or do you have piercings and neck tatties. I think like these guys said, smile. I've got a shaved head, so I really try to go out of my way to smile, as people tend to make assumptions.

[sledgehammer]

Matty Wrote:Um, what do you look like? I mean physically. Are you "normal" looking, or do you have piercings and neck tatties. I think like these guys said, smile. I've got a shaved head, so I really try to go out of my way to smile, as people tend to make assumptions.

Now when I think about it, I actually dont smile that often at all, dont know why, it just doesnt feel like "its me", being all cheerfull and shit. Guess I have to learn how to be more happy.

About my look, Ive been bodybuilding for 5 years, pretty manly facial features, dark eyes.

[Halo Effect]

sledgehammer Wrote:Now when I think about it, I actually dont smile that often at all, dont know why, it just doesnt feel like "its me", being all cheerfull and shit. Guess I have to learn how to be more happy.

About my look, Ive been bodybuilding for 5 years, pretty manly facial features, dark eyes.

"Hi, I'm an angry-looking body builder. People say I look tough. How can this be?" Lol.

*Sees sledgehammer look his way with angry look. Runs and hides.

[sledgehammer]

Halo Effect Wrote:"Hi, I'm an angry-looking body builder. People say I look tough. How can this be?" Lol.

*Sees sledgehammer look his way with angry look. Runs and hides.

Not cheerful doesnt mean angry.

[crazyhorse]

Halo Effect Wrote:"Hi, I'm an angry-looking body builder. People say I look tough. How can this be?" Lol.

*Sees sledgehammer look his way with angry look. Runs and hides.

haha I love your comment Halo!

Next time I'll see an angry bodybuilder looking at me, I'll ask "are you sledgehammer from the postmasculine forums"

It's something that I also have to be aware off when I'm tired. My friends have told me this "dude this chick looked at you and you scared away" haha

[Halo Effect]

sledgehammer Wrote:Not cheerful doesnt mean angry.

I was joking, of course. But since you are probably a very big man, you have to be aware that this can be intimidating to both men and women. So maybe you have to be even friendlier than us regular guys, especially in the beginning of interactions. Good Looking Loser could probably weigh in on this, if he's still around.

I've personally noticed that when I completely relax my face, I look very unfriendly. Like all emotion is sucked out of me or something. There is a place inbetween that and a big smile, when you just have a slight smile on your lips, or the smallest change in your eye brows and eyes and lips, that for me makes all the difference in the world. I get this look naturally when I'm relaxed and enjoying myself. People often tell me to smile more, and they probably mean that I shouldn't have that emotionless look on my face.

Try practising in the mirror yourself. And be aware that you may be automatically adjusting your facial expression in the mirror because you get instant feedback, so the way you look in the mirror at yourself may not be the way you look when you're relaxed without a mirror in front of you. (That's what I found out for myself.)

[SeXyBaCk]

Do you look constipated? You know...puffy cheeks, thick neck..looking like you're trying to squeeze one out? Hmm...I guess I'm not helping - am I?

[sledgehammer]

Halo Effect Wrote:I was joking, of course. But since you are probably a very big man, you have to be aware that this can be intimidating to both men and women. So maybe you have to be even friendlier than us regular guys, especially in the beginning of interactions. Good Looking Loser could probably weigh in on this, if he's still around.

I've personally noticed that when I completely relax my face, I look very unfriendly. Like all emotion is sucked out of me or something. There is a place inbetween that and a big smile, when you just have a slight smile on your lips, or the smallest change in your eye brows and eyes and lips, that for me makes all the difference in the world. I get this look naturally when I'm relaxed and enjoying myself. People often tell me to smile more, and they probably mean that I shouldn't have that emotionless look on my face.

Try practising in the mirror yourself. And be aware that you may be automatically adjusting your facial expression in the mirror because you get instant feedback, so the way you look in the mirror at yourself may not be the way you look when you're relaxed without a mirror in front of you. (That's what I found out for myself.)

Thanks for the reply.

Yeah, the problem is, I have kinda low self esteem I suppose. I sometimes feel insecure socially, especially with girls. So when people get defensive towards me I sometimes begin to wonder whats wrong with me and that kind of stuff. I think I tend to "Show down" sometimes, looking neutral/hostile might be some unconsious process to keep people from not talking to me cause I can feel insecure with new people, or something like that, dunno really lol

[CharlesB]

This also happens to me occasionally and I remember some post with a similar question,here gave me some answers about the causes of this. Its more possible to have to do with your social defenses,and to me it's usually happening , when I really want to go out and have a good time. Maybe unconsciously you are pressing yourself to be relaxed,and afraid others will "harm" your relaxation.Seems a good advice to smile more,but watch out the way you do it,seeming like the old P U A approval seeker -statue.

[bwong]

My friend's brother in law was a professional power lifter so he is this HUGE guy. Even though he is a big guy he is pretty awesome to be around because he's always cheerful and smiles. If you always have your arms crossed and aren't smiling (no matter what you look like; big guy or not) you aren't going to come across as friendly and will indeed scare off people. Body language (and facial expression) are so important especially when people see you for the first time.

[Davey]

It sounds like you're a pretty dominating physical presence in a room. These guys are on the right track with their advice. Don't cross your arms or stand at attention (lol). Relax. And smile. Seriously. Smile. You'll be fine.

[Ulysses]

Remove sledgehammer tattoo from forehead. Stop referring to oneself as sledgehammer.

[crazyhorse]

shelbra Wrote:I think you should soften your voice and smile a lot. If several people told you this, there maybe some truth to it.
try making your comments to people with more compassion and avoid topics that would show your tuff side
http://www.virilityextraenhancement.com

What does the add has to do with your post? I don't really think it's allowed on this forum.

[Arikado]

I'd say that it entirely depends. The best way for us to gauge and give an honest opinion is a variety of pictures of you in different situations. Also, it could be a combination of your physical size. Not surprisingly, if you're 6' or more and fairly muscular, more people are going to be intimidated by you. Double that with tattoos. Triple that with piercings.