How and where do I set-up a day2 in this situation?

[The Notorious PhD]

I met this girl while grocery-shopping tonight. She was with her friend and I did the usual "Hi, my name is...you're so cute I had to talk..." etc.

I said I wanted to get to know her better, say, over coffee or something like that, so she gave me her number (seemed excited to do so), and asked I text her so she has mine and can spell my name correctly. Later I had the following exchange over text with her:


Me: Great to meet you tonight When are you typically free? - name
Her: Hey, my sister's coming into town for Easter and will be with me until the 13th, so we'll have to play by ear. It was nice to meet you as well.

Me: Ok - I'm going to get lunch at [place] tomorrow, and if you're free, I'd love if you joined me.
Her: I don't get off work until 7pm


She appeared so interested in-person, I don't get why her texts are so lackadaisical. Oh well

In any case, I was thinking I'd text her tomorrow one more time and suggest that we meet when she gets off work. So my questions are:

1. Should I do this? A friend of mine said I might come across as pushy. I personally think that if she likes me, she'll make time for me. Also, I don't see how waiting until the 13th(!) is a good idea, especially since our entire interaction was maybe 1-2 minutes long.

2. If I do text her, how much prep time should I give her? I was thinking a couple hours, say contact her around 5pm...or should I do it earlier in the day to enable her to plan ahead?

3. Where should I suggest we meet? Since it'll be in the evening now, should it be bar (there's a dive close to my house), a casual dinner place, or is a coffee shop still okay? I have ideas for all three, just wondering what the protocol is.

thanks for any help on this admittedly minute problem, lol

[Halo Effect]

Dude, I have no idea what lackadaisical is, but that girl has in no way responded badly. She just told you the truth. She is a person with a life, not a rejection machine.

She is a person that you presumably want to get to know better, and when she told you her sister would stay with her for days, you didn't say or ask anything about it, you just proposed a date.

My texting style is probably different than other guys' but I would say something like this now: "Sounds like you're busy as well! Which nights are good for you? Im free on night X and Y. Lets make this happen. "

I'm operating from the belief that we both are looking forward to this date, and that we have to overcome the problem of our busy schedules to finally see each other. Ohhhh romantic.

[SeXyBaCk]

Hmm, I get why you feel this is tricky, but I don't see anything wrong with waiting. I'd probably just give it a few days. I believe that if I made an impression it'll last for at least a week, probably up to 3 weeks. I remember a pretty woman that just walked past me for up to a week. I don't buy into all that you have to stay in their memory crap and call the next day. A woman remembers you if she was impressed. It sounds like her sister is in from out of town and she can't stitch up her sister to go on a date at a moments notice. You could offer for them both to meet you and some friends at a bar? That is what I'd do. I wouldn't text tomorrow keep plowing. maybe at the weekend saying "hey stunning lady from walmart cereal alley, happy easter! im going to "here" later to celebrate, if you and your sister want to join, come find us".

If she doesn't respond to that saying "where when or" sorry can't tied down elsewhere but tomorrow or suggesting another time then that's okay. If she just says sorry, no can't and nothing else she's probably not interested.

oh one final thing, maybe it's just me, but I can't stand smileys, and most grown up women I've asked about this agree, no winks, no smileys.

[Halo Effect]

I am a chronic over-user of smileys. Don't think it ever hurt me though.

Although I'm trying to cut back on using them. Many girls use them as well. Probably depends on the age of the women you are dating.

[youregettingitwrong]

I would be irritated if I were the girl in this situation.
First of all, her responses are completely legitimate. Her sister is in town visiting for a holiday and you want her to forego time with family to go on a date with you whom she does not even know? Not exactly fair if you ask me. You already asked her out for lunch tomorrow (today?) and she said she can't, she did not say "oh I don't get off work until 7 but maybe after".. so don't push it. If you do send the text asking her to hang out after she gets off work, yes, in my opinion, you will definitely come off as pushy and that is a big turnoff.

Look, she gave you her number and responded to your texts, neither action prompts you to question her interest. The girl is busy until the 13th and you should respect that. If I were you, I would quit asking her out until after that date. You can continue contact by asking how her day is, just saying hi or whatever. You can even call and talk to her on the phone for more of an impression. But seriously, she said she is busy, lay off.

Oh and @sexxyback about the smiley thing, I don't mind them when used appropriately. When overused, yeah they are a bit childish but nothing that would ever bother me much.

[The Notorious PhD]

Appreciate all the input, people, thanks!

I'll try what you guys suggest and wait for a meetup until after sis leaves, even though my gut instinct is still to push it...OTOH, if I knew what I was doing, I wouldn't be asking this, haha

Borrowing from Halo, I'm texting her with something like: Sounds like a busy time for you right now. Enjoy the family visit! We'll plan something after the 15th.

[Tim]

(04-05-2012 09:33 AM)Halo Effect Wrote:  She is a person with a life, not a rejection machine.

This made me lol.

[baller08]

Notorious PhD -

Every time I see a guy ask about a girl not making plans with him and what he should say, do, or how long he should wait to try again, I know there is at least one problem: Not enough options.

From your perspective you guys might have hit it off but to her it was just flattering and that's pretty much it. Continue to improve your lifestyle and your hobbies so that new possibilities aren't so rare. I wouldn't spend another minute worrying about what to do with this girl....you have a 10% chance that you'll ever hear from her again.

[Tim]

I'd admit his chances aren't great here, but it's still worth texting her again. Just wait until her sister is gone, that's a very legit reason to not go on a date for most women.

[baller08]

(04-05-2012 10:50 PM)Tim Wrote:  I'd admit his chances aren't great here, but it's still worth texting her again. Just wait until her sister is gone, that's a very legit reason to not go on a date for most women.

It's not her sister visiting that I'm judging this on...it's that she didn't follow up after her "I don't get off till 7pm" one. If the interaction was as good as he perceived it to be, she would have met him half way and suggested another time.

Women plan stuff all the time with their girlfriends. If they want to do something, go somewhere, or be with someone they make it happen. If she isn't meeting you part way, it's not a test, chances are she isn't interested.

[Mark]

Text her and say, "Unacceptable. I'm you're only family now."

[Tim]

The spelling error will especially turn her on

[Mark]

Chicks dig bad grammar.

[The Notorious PhD]

(04-05-2012 10:40 PM)baller08 Wrote:  Notorious PhD -

Every time I see a guy ask about a girl not making plans with him and what he should say, do, or how long he should wait to try again, I know there is at least one problem: Not enough options.

Completely agree man, going through a terrible dry-spell right now. Honestly, sometimes I'm afraid my equipment might rust. But here's to hoping for greener pastures ahead.

(04-05-2012 10:40 PM)baller08 Wrote:  I wouldn't spend another minute worrying about what to do with this girl....you have a 10% chance that you'll ever hear from her again.

10% is generous - very unlikely that this'll turn into anything, but as Tim said, it's still worth a shot. My only real loss is the fraction of a cent I'll spend on the next text. Whether or not it is evident, I was always fundamentally indifferent to her response.

Which brings me to my last question: have people here been successful at going on dates with women cold-approached in non-club environments? I follow Mark's suggestion: approach, short relaxed convo, number, exit. 5 minutes max. Is this how you guys do it too? I totally agree that girls might give out their numbers simply because saying No is hard (especially to a confident, handsome dude ). There's gotta be a way to screen for the flakers, though. Thoughts?

The next thing I'm going to experiment with is to not ask for a number at all. Simply suggest a time and place where we should meet (to something I would've gone to anyway).

During the glory days of pre-Strauss ASF, there was a forum member, Svengali, apparently a prodigy with women, who would do the above (btw, but for a couple of posts on NLP, his archive is a great read - none of that byzantine technical PUA bullshit). There's a quality of confidence and non-neediness in his approach that is damn appealing. We'll see how it works in practice though, lol.

Anyhow, thanks again guys. She did respond to my last message with "Thanks, hope u enjoyed ur lunch"....flick, flame, fizzle...onwards!

[The Notorious PhD]

To all the people who counseled me to not be pushy (esp. youregettingitwrong and Halo), thank you!

After her sister's departure, I sent her a text a few days ago saying we should meet-up.

Seeing her tomorrow.

Superbly excited because I've never dated girls outside my social circle.

Fascinating, really, to think that one can get to know complete strangers.

[Mace]

(04-27-2012 06:50 PM)The Notorious PhD Wrote:  To all the people who implored me to not be pushy (esp. youregettingitwrong and Halo), thank you!

After her sister's departure, I sent her a text a few days ago saying we should meet-up.

Seeing her tomorrow.

Superbly excited because I've never dated girls outside my social circle.

Fascinating, really, to think that one can get to know complete strangers.

Good job brother, persistence pays.

I'm curious to see how you turned a potential flake around. Please post your texts.

[SeXyBaCk]

You the daddymac.

[baller08]

Notorious PhD - hopefully you've been also getting other numbers in between the time you've gotten hers.

Make a date for either later tomorrow or the next day with another girl. This will help you keep your mind straight during your date and if/when this girl flakes you won't feel you've lost something. The one thing I tell guys who start to get dates is this: Expect the unexpected. How this date is playing out in your mind right now is not how it'll actually be. So have fun but empty your mind of expectations, keep it light and fun.

[The Notorious PhD]

Baller08 - sage advice, and I've been doing just that. I don't have anything lined-up right afterwards, but I'm positive I'm going-in with the right mindset (non-needy etc). I live in a coastal city so I told her we'll get something to eat and sit by the water. She had suggested drinks, but it's the environment I find most natural..

Mace - I don't think there's much to be gleaned from my texts because other than logistics, I don't really use the medium for repartee. I wouldn't know where to start - I'm really an in-person guy. In any case, here's how our conversation went:

A couple days after her sister left, I sent her the following:

Me: Hey, how's it going. I'm the guy who wanted to get to know you at [Grocery Store].
Her: Hi, doing well. I'm off tomorrow if you want to meet-up for lunch/coffee.

We set-up a date/time, but she had to reschedule because of work so she left me a voicemail. I called her back, chatted with her briefly about her sis's visit and set-up another date/time. She had to reschedule again, and suggested we meet-up tonight, but I had plans so we'll do it tomorrow.

That's about it. If you really want, I can post my other texts, but they were all some flavor of the above.