Hooking up with other girls but still hung up on one...wtf? how do I eliminate this?

[barney stintson]

So i am at the point where I do not really value a woman just for her vagina. Like yeah sex feels great, but its not like this holy pedestal to spend your whole life chasing. I see it like money - yes its nice, but society really plays up how much it will make you happy.

Keeping that fact in mind, I'm still wondering why I catch feelings for some girls and how I can divorce myself from that. I was hoping someone could provide some advice. Like I can dig a girl just for her vibe and bam! all those feelings of neediness and shit that I tried to sweep under the rug come back for no particular reason. I think it might be an investment related problem - like I invest too much in the interaction (setting aside a considerable amount of time for her, think about her after sending a text, wait for a reply, etc)...all this investment makes that time function as a sunk cost and make me feel like I've put too much on the interaction to see it fail.

I guess what I'm wondering is how do I get out of this seemingly random spouts of neediness that only pop up with the girls I actually like?

I would say invest less in the interaction, but i guess a better alternative would be to have so much shit going on in your life that you're never thinking about her, hence less investment.
However, even that alternative is just sweeping this issue under the rug. As when life has its slow points, all those emotions will come back. Any suggestions?

I more or less just want to fuck and chuck. Its just that catching feelings fucks up my game by making me outcome dependent....therefore losing my self-amusement and dominance.

What I find so weird is that I actually have a shitload of things going on in my life. I even fucked a girl the day after a date with this one and had another girl tell me she's in love with me this week. I have plenty of shit going on with friends, career, and hobbies. But still in my head. Which is somewhat frustrating and I do not like it

[Vytas80]

(07-31-2012 03:47 PM)barney stintson Wrote:  Keeping that fact in mind, I'm still wondering why I catch feelings for some girls and how I can divorce myself from that. I was hoping someone could provide some advice. Like I can dig a girl just for her vibe and bam! all those feelings of neediness and shit that I tried to sweep under the rug come back for no particular reason.

Dude, there is nothing wrong with that. Attraction, emotions and feeling is what makes you a happy human being. Some people learn to numb emotions on purpose, but once you cannot experience sadness and heartbreak, you cannot experience joy and love either.

Enjoy your feelings to your woman - she must be really good. And work separately on the issue of your neediness. As mark defines, neediness is prioritizing another person’s perception of you over your perception of yourself. To become a non-needy person you have to become genuenly proud of yourself. There are many ways to do it.

You mentioned an idea of having more things going in your life, but "dont want it to sweep needines under the rug". Lets say you pick a new hobby that requires your extra time a few times a week.
- If you do it just because you want to appear busy and to make other people think better of you, then yes - you are "sweeping under the rug"
- If you genuinly enjoy this new acitivity and feel happy doing it. Even if your close people say that you shouldn't do this for whatever reason and you still do it, then - you are becoming a better man and less needy in the end.

[barney stintson]

(07-31-2012 04:20 PM)Vytas80 Wrote:  

(07-31-2012 03:47 PM)barney stintson Wrote:  Keeping that fact in mind, I'm still wondering why I catch feelings for some girls and how I can divorce myself from that. I was hoping someone could provide some advice. Like I can dig a girl just for her vibe and bam! all those feelings of neediness and shit that I tried to sweep under the rug come back for no particular reason.

Dude, there is nothing wrong with that. Attraction, emotions and feeling is what makes you a happy human being. Some people learn to numb emotions on purpose, but once you cannot experience sadness and heartbreak, you cannot experience joy and love either.

Enjoy your feelings to your woman - she must be really good. And work separately on the issue of your neediness. As mark defines, neediness is prioritizing another person’s perception of you over your perception of yourself. To become a non-needy person you have to become genuenly proud of yourself. There are many ways to do it.

You mentioned an idea of having more things going in your life, but "dont want it to sweep needines under the rug". Lets say you pick a new hobby that requires your extra time a few times a week.
- If you do it just because you want to appear busy and to make other people think better of you, then yes - you are "sweeping under the rug"
- If you genuinly enjoy this new acitivity and feel happy doing it. Even if your close people say that you shouldn't do this for whatever reason and you still do it, then - you are becoming a better man and less needy in the end.

ok, i guess what i'm between what is natural human emotion and what is neediness.

what i mean by the hobbies thing is this: having hobbies just to feel less needy is an outer-game like solution. once you get rid of the hobbies you'd probably come off as needy.

what i'm wondering is how can i eliminate the source problem completely (sometimes I wonder what exactly is the source problem, but thats an even more complex headache most likely) so even if the hobbies weren't there i wouldn't feel needy. make sense?

[Alvar]

Have a look at Tim's threads, he seems to be going about the same issue. Start here: http://postmasculine.com/forum/Thread-Sm...ther-night

[Chaos]

(07-31-2012 03:47 PM)barney stintson Wrote:  Keeping that fact in mind, I'm still wondering why I catch feelings for some girls and how I can divorce myself from that.

Please don't. What would be the point of completely divorce you from that? As you said sex is a nice to have but not what you're searching for. If you avoid having those emotions what's the point anyway?

I think the main point is to avoid developing those emotions too soon. That should be easy to do if you have enough shit going on on your life. I mean, you can't be completely absorbed in a woman when you're playing a football match on monday, hitting the gym on tuesday and having some beers with your buddies on wednesday.

But there's nothing wrong with developing some feelings for her over time, you just don't get to invested. What works for me is that when I meet a new girl I'm always reluctant to get into something serious because that will imply missing all the fun in the game and all those other chicks so I don't usually get that invested at first. In time she might become a LTR but if I keep doing what I've done, like going to dance and going out and hitting here and there, those feelings tend to develop slowly (if at all, but that's another problem).