Hitting on women and what bystanders think

[wavering_radiant]

So here's an interesting insight I came upon. So I've been working on the Approach Women program, and I'm working on lesson 9 (Conversations). While I've been doing all of these lessons, I've realized that I think I'm more preoccupied mentally with what other people think of me when I approach a woman than I am with the act of actually approaching a woman. Yeah, when I would work myself up to approach, I would still be worried about her reaction, I won't pretend I haven't been, but it seems like the excuses that come to my mind are more like: what if that man/woman/group over there sees me approach this woman and laughs at me when I bomb, what if talking to this girl interrupts the flow of traffic on the sidewalk and people get irritated, etc.

I'm not really sure why I'm thinking this way. The anxiety about simply the act of approaching a woman was expected, but I didn't think this would happen. I can remember a few years ago when I tried to drunkenly make a move on a girl at a bar, and some friends laughed at me for failing. Maybe that's underlying this fear, I don't know. Maybe I'm just bitter about all my friends who manage to have more success in relationships than I do and am sick of being alone.

So is this a pretty common fear in addition to the usual anxiety that goes along with just approaching a woman?

[The Notorious PhD]

I had the same exact problem, and still do to a lesser extent. It's just an irrational fear/anxiety and you get over it by continuing to do what you're doing. In fact, I forced myself and started approaching in busy places so as to confront this irrational fear head-on.

Mark always says that most other people are too concerned with themselves to really give a shit about what you're doing.

It is absolutely true.

The entire time I did the approach program, there was exactly one instance of another guy commenting on what I was doing. And even that was just an idle comment: (Hey! Are you harassing these girls? I just said No! loudly and continued talking to them - problem solved).

[seele]

I always have similar thoughts. It's good to go with a close friend, who can observe, doesn't judge and give you feedback. What I have learned is:
-> very, very rarely someone gives negative comment or laughs, only faggots will (I don't mean sexual orientation), I think only once or twice I got thiss reaction,
-> mostly noone gives a shit,
-> in closed places some peoplemight be positively interested or even cheer for you or be impressed about what you've done
-> even when doing walk of shame (being blown off by a girl) I got positive reaction from friends, if someone is laughing at you, he is not your friend.

[Spikes]

I used to have these thoughts like 4 weeks ago. But 4 weeks ago I thought to myself, why should I care? you should think this too. Everything that seele said is true. And think about it this way when are you ever going to see those people you are worrying about again?

Also think about, two scenarios.
The first scenario: if you end up being rejected by the girl you approach maybe for a few hours or a day you'll feel sad about it, but then think about a week or a month later. I bet you're still not thinking about her and you have probably found more prospects. Now imagine the way you were thinking about the girl. How about those people you were worried about? you may feel more inclined not to approach because of them initially but I bet you wont remember there faces by the time your back home or doing something else. what I'm trying to say is your probably going to never see those people again so why does it matter what they think of you? that's what changed my actions a few weeks ago.

Now imagine that the approach went well. Now you have the girl and you probably still wouldn't remember what the bystanders looked like by the time you left the approach. Really with approaching you have nothing to lose but everything to gain.

[Swimmer]

Damm, i have this problem too.

It hurts and bothers me about the bystanders way way more than when a girl just ignores me. It's like the 2nd is a mosquito bite and the 1st is a train hitting on me on full speed.

[Guyintheback]

I know what you mean Swimmer, it's the same for me, too.
The rejection itself isn't as bad as what other people might think about me hitting on her.

But in the end you have to realize that it is your life, and probably the only life you get. So do you really want to base your decisions on what other people might think or might not think about you?
Every opportunity you let slip because of what you worry others might think about you, is an opportunity wasted that you won't get back.
Every approach you do is likely to increase your chance that your next one will be better, not matter the outcome, no matter what other people think about you.

And yeah, that is a lot easier said than done. I've known this to be true for maybe five years, and only recently do I begin to really __feel__ like it is true, and can act more confidently on it. And still I feel uneasy about being judged by others, but slowly it gets better.

[that_bro]

I posted this in Jack Sparrow's thread.
http://postmasculine.com/forum/Thread-Ja...6#pid15626

******

I love approaching where people can see and hear me. It fires me up and puts me in god mode. At first I would be so scared of what people think. Then there was this one moment. I was walking down a busy street and I see this smoking hot blonde. I turn my head to check out her ass as she walks by and I notice the guy behind me does the same thing. I nut up and run after her to do the Yad stop. The guy behind me has this holy shit look because he realizes I pack more nuts then Southwest Airlines. He gives me this nod that says "Happy Hunting bro!".

All my guy/girl friends hear about how I like to approach on the street. Not one person says I'm creepy. They say I have Patrick Swayze in Road House size balls. All my girl friends that hear about this say they would love a confident guy to approach them in broad daylight (in a non-creepy way). I've gone out with guys who make girls jump when they approach them. It makes me cringe because they still refuse to fix their approach.

In short... these people aren't judging you. They are simply thinking "Holy shit... this guy has fucking balls!".

[coolth]

^ Amen