Help appreciated! Is she really fearful of commitment, or stringing me along?

[GolfWang]

Hey guys, this is my first post on here, though I was somewhat active on the last site before Mark switched over to here. Not to sound like every other post, but I read Models, amazing book etc etc and I believe I can give it to credit to where I am now in my dating life. But have hit an obstacle I'm not sure how to approach.

I met a girl and we went on our first date about a month ago. We clicked fantastically and since the first date have been hanging out constantly. Sometimes 3,4,5 times a week. The more we hung out the more obvious it became we were developing deeper feelings. She'd texted me saying how great I make her feel and how she was extremely comfortable with where the relationship was going.

Feeling the same, I stopped seeing and talking to other girls I was either romantically talking to or casually dating. The other night she had mentioned something about dating other guys which completely blindsided me. We pretty much act like we are exclusive. Ie hand holding, showing affection in public etc. while I understand I never brought up the issue of her seeing other people before I stopped seeing other people, I just thought the way we acted it was just understood.

Instead she tells me that she really really likes spending time with me and where we are, but feels that being exclusive is the same as pretty much being labeled boyfriend/girlfriend (which I don't think is true). And i would be lying if i said the thought of her seeing other people bothered me Again she kept stressing that she liked me A LOT, liked where we were going and even went as far to say that the other flings she was having were going nowhere.

So my question is...is she just stringing me along while she essentially keeps 'shopping' for other guys or is she really just taking it slow and that it's possible to be on the road to a relationship with someone while sto seeing other people? Any advice would be greatly appreciated, this has been flooding my mind non stop and I have gotten mixed answers from my friends arguing both sides, what do you guys think?

[Brian]

GolfWang Wrote:Hey guys, this is my first post on here, though I was somewhat active on the last site before Mark switched over to here. Not to sound like every other post, but I read Models, amazing book etc etc and I believe I can give it to credit to where I am now in my dating life. But have hit an obstacle I'm not sure how to approach.

I met a girl and we went on our first date about a month ago. We clicked fantastically and since the first date have been hanging out constantly. Sometimes 3,4,5 times a week. The more we hung out the more obvious it became we were developing deeper feelings. She'd texted me saying how great I make her feel and how she was extremely comfortable with where the relationship was going.

Feeling the same, I stopped seeing and talking to other girls I was either romantically talking to or casually dating. The other night she had mentioned something about dating other guys which completely blindsided me. We pretty much act like we are exclusive. Ie hand holding, showing affection in public etc. while I understand I never brought up the issue of her seeing other people before I stopped seeing other people, I just thought the way we acted it was just understood.

Instead she tells me that she really really likes spending time with me and where we are, but feels that being exclusive is the same as pretty much being labeled boyfriend/girlfriend (which I don't think is true). And i would be lying if i said the thought of her seeing other people bothered me Again she kept stressing that she liked me A LOT, liked where we were going and even went as far to say that the other flings she was having were going nowhere.

So my question is...is she just stringing me along while she essentially keeps 'shopping' for other guys or is she really just taking it slow and that it's possible to be on the road to a relationship with someone while sto seeing other people? Any advice would be greatly appreciated, this has been flooding my mind non stop and I have gotten mixed answers from my friends arguing both sides, what do you guys think?

Looks like she's "shopping around". In all honesty, i found out that neediness is usually the thing that block you from reading women's emotion. Once you do something and make yourself less emotionally invested in a girl, then you can logically read her intention. Remember, your logical brain is usually the one that makes the best decision in regard to long term relationship. Let it take over and not the neediness.

[GolfWang]

So what do you think I should do? I'm seeing her tonight, in a few hours actually. I planned on just telling her what I was thinking and ultimately just telling her, if you say you like me so much, it shouldn't be hard to want to be exclusive. Essentially what I want to get at is, if you feel like you still need to see other people that is fine..and if that's the case I think it's best if we don't date any longer. Do you think that is the right way of going about it?

[omni]

I actually see it in simpler terms. Why are you so concerned about figuring out if she's playing you or not? What matters is what you want.
It's easy: STEP 1 - Decide what you want (sounds like you've done that). STEP 2 - Tell her what you want. STEP 3 - Listen to her response. STEP 4 - Decide whether or not you're willing to live with her response.

Obviously, if she agrees with you in step 3, step 4 is easy. The same is true if she decides she's done with you in step 3 (the decision is made for you). Brian is right about avoiding neediness. It's far better if you can express your will without looking desperate (far better). But the bottom line is that you need to lead. You're the man. Tell her where you want to take this thing. If she's not into it, you've polarized her. You know where you stand and can act accordingly. If you don't want to settle for seeing others, refuse to settle for seeing others. Simple.

Of course, simple doesn't necessarily mean easy. I imagine that's part of why you posted here.

[Leo]

GolfWang Wrote:Feeling the same, I stopped seeing and talking to other girls I was either romantically talking to or casually dating. The other night she had mentioned something about dating other guys which completely blindsided me. We pretty much act like we are exclusive. Ie hand holding, showing affection in public etc. while I understand I never brought up the issue of her seeing other people before I stopped seeing other people, I just thought the way we acted it was just understood.

Don't make assumptions. Ask questions, communicate. It sounds like you guys are not on the same page. You want to be exclusive and she doesn't want to. Give her time, IF it seems that it's going in the right direction don't put pressure on her. Take it easy, relax. Good luck!

[ticktock]

she's fishing for your spoken commitment... or I'm wrong.