Had a dream about the girl I used to see and it sucks.

[Creatine Dreams]

Kind of sick about posting about this woman. But what I am about to post about happened so I need to process it and move on. So I have been doing as much as I can to forget about this chick. No contact, I never even stalk her facebook, hell I don't even go on facebook much anymore.

Yesterday, this dude who I suspect might be dating her goes to this party I am at. I am an acquaintance of his and I have no problems with him. He hangs out for a bit, I notice that he checks his cellphone and then he leaves.

This causes my mind to race. My mind creates the scenario that she texted him and he went over there to go fuck her. I imagine him being in my place having a great old time, and how I simply do not exist to her. I think about how much happier she is with him and how I was just a bump in the road for her. This in turn, brings out tons of feelings of insecurity and worthlessness.

So later, I go out and hang with some friends, talk to a couple of girls and have some drinks.

Then I go to bed and I have a dream that I am hanging out with the dude and two of my good friends. In the dream, the exact same scenario plays out but in a different context. It is me trying to extrapolate what is going on between the two of them.

Then later, my two friends are walking away and they keep walking away faster and faster. Eventually, they are gone and I am lost. There is a huge ocean between where I am and where I need to go. I wake up this morning and I feel like shit.

The funny thing was that the chick was not even in the dream, but all the negative feelings I have towards myself came out in a really disturbing way. I don't really know how to deal with this. My logical mind tells me that it is over and to keep ignoring her. But my subconscious has other plans for me.

I think I have to come to terms that I still miss her. Or at least the attention I got from her. It is nice having someone text you everyday who is interested in what you are up to. But now, I do not have that anymore and I am back to being alone in the island of my mind. It is not a pretty place.

[SeXyBaCk]

You need a rebound Crea. Go out and befriend some nice girl and bang her. Even if she's not that attractive. You need a physical and practical experience to get out of this funk.

[Creatine Dreams]

Yeah, I hate the way that I still feel this way. But I guess that accepting it is a step towards moving on. And I am talking to girls. Hopefully, I will have a date soon. I really need to be moving on.