Great opener; shitty closer

[Deric]

This is something several friends have told me over the years. I am GREAT at opening up a group of girls, or even one. Whether it be by making jokes, saying something witty or just walking up and starting a conversation... I hate using negative words like "im terrible at BLANK" or "I cant do BLANK" but I am just terrible at closing women. I have let so many opportunities slip through my fingers because I never know how to get a girl to leave the bar with me, or move the conversation to a more me & her level. I've been fairly successful with women but it always seems like the ones I do end up sleeping with was because they just pounced. I've had one night stands, I've been the aggressor in the sex game.. but to be honest.. 90% of the time I just puss out because I cant think of what to say or do to close the deal.

Not to state the obvious, but I love having sex.. and I love having sex with new girls.. but I get so much anxiety when I can tell the conversation is winding down and its do or die. I usually die.

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Maybes its because I'm a primordial ooze.

[Drewid]

If it's a girl you've kissed, just ask her home. "Do you want to come to my place?"

You're not a shitty closer, you're afraid of hearing no.

[Korg]

(06-25-2012 01:40 AM)Drewid Wrote:  If it's a girl you've kissed, just ask her home. "Do you want to come to my place?"

You're not a shitty closer, you're afraid of hearing no.

Spot on.

I've had instances where I just took her hand, said nothing and walked to my flat. Don't be afraid of being rejected.

[Zac]

I'd like to hear more about where you think you go wrong, what you are saying to yourself in your head when you don't jump on these opportunities, and what you think you could do in the future to take advantage of the opportunities presented to you.

You've obviously had sex, girlfriends, ect. What do you think is holding you back?

[Dragonslayer]

If you want to build a stronger connection with her, just ask her about the things you want to know about her. Of course it takes practice to recognize things which you actively want to know about other people. Especially if you are like me and have relied most of your life on information that came up in passing to satisfy your curiosity and have always been to shy to ask directly about it.

[Chaos]

http://postmasculine.com/shut-up-and-kiss-her

Same principle can be applied to both kissing her or leading her to your place or escalating the situation. It's more like you're nervous of taking the next step so you avoid taking it, and as a result you usually lose the girl.

[Deric]

I think overall its that I just dont want to look stupid. I've been on some first dates and just gone for the kiss and then some I hesitate and before you know it shes driving away.

I get so analytical of everything going on.. and yeah.. thats what I don't understand Zac, I've had sex, girlfriends ect.. I've had girls that wouldn't leave me alone and girls that would just come over to fuck & leave.. and I have this pre-game confidence problem. I wonder what shes going to do, what if she says no, what happens after the kiss, what do we do after.. just the where does it go from here anxiety. I get too nervous to just pull the trigger.

(06-25-2012 10:55 AM)Chaos Wrote:  http://postmasculine.com/shut-up-and-kiss-her

Same principle can be applied to both kissing her or leading her to your place or escalating the situation. It's more like you're nervous of taking the next step so you avoid taking it, and as a result you usually lose the girl.

Boom. That's exactly how it feels. I'm just nervous of taking the next step.

[Drewid]

(06-25-2012 12:10 PM)Deric Wrote:  Boom. That's exactly how it feels. I'm just nervous of taking the next step.

I have a new mantra right now: "Life begins outside the comfort zone."

Somehow, when I was 26 I managed to realize that I needed to start inviting girls home. Just asking is important.

The first girl I asked said no, but we ended up having sex in my room during the next party at my house.

All the "wondering stuff" is really just a set of excuses. I think if there's one thing that coming to this site hammers home to me again and again is that you will only be able to make genuine change through the actions you take.

Any intellectualizing about doing something doing before you've actually taken an action is basically the lifestyle equivalent of masturbating to pornography.