Girl chats me up

[Thor]

After spendng the day exploring the city of Brataslavia in Slovakia I met a group of aussie guys who I later hooked up with and we went to a bar for a drink later that evening.

Whilst sat in the bar a lovely looking brunete sat next to us. The aussie guys began trying to chat her up. One of the guys tried to put his hand around her waist. She turned to him and said "I am not some prostitute dont touch me like that ok". The guy apologised and backed of they began chatting amongst themselves.

I stayed quiet sipping my drink and just gazing at her. She looked at me smiled and then came over and sat next to me. I asked her how she was she smiled and asked where I was from. She gave me a big warm smile and asked whether these were my friends and where I was from. I explained that the guys were cool but just had alittletoo much to drink and I met them earlier on whilst checking out the city.

We began chatting away for nearly 20 minutes. I asked her "what made her want to come and chat to me"

She said that all the guys tried to chat to her and impress her I was the only guy that stayed quiet and waited for my turn to chat to her she said she found that attractive in a man.

I was surprised at this comment ?? I mean isnt it the other way round ? the guy makes the first move ?.

She asked me my age. I remember the importance of honestly in a previous post I had read and told her I was 45 years old. She was surprised as she said I looked 30. She was 27 years old but said she had always dated men older then her.

Anyway she gave me a her number and asked her to call her so we could chat more as she had to meet her girlfriend for a birthday party that evening.

The aussie guys seemed to think I was some kind of ladies man.

[Creatine Dreams]

Nice work dude!

[Chaos]

Quote:She said that all the guys tried to chat to her and impress her I was the only guy that stayed quiet and waited for my turn to chat to her she said she found that attractive in a man.

I was surprised at this comment ?? I mean isnt it the other way round ? the guy makes the first move ?.

You did. You kept her eye contact and gave her a smile. Sometimes that's all you need. I've hooked up with girls just through eye contact... that establish interest, and the fact that you don't avoid it shows your confident. Sometimes she won't take the initiative and you'll have to approach or ask her out (that's been my case for all girls except one), sometimes she will initiate.

The discussion about who takes the first step is kind of stupid. If you ask the guy who just approached he would say he did, if you were to talk to the girl she would say she did via those little subtle signs she was throwing. It doesn't matter... There are a lot of reasons those guys failed where you succeeded, although for the look of it I would say displaying too much interest and displaying too much neediness would be the main problem. You on the other hand showed interest but not neediness, and that's NOT because you didn't talk to her... is something you kind of subcommunicate... If you had gotten up, approached her and told her, "Hi, my name is Thor (this are my fellow avengers)" and then nothing else she would have probably found you equally attractive. It's the honesty in that approach (or the honesty of displaying interest without actually hovering her) what makes you attractive.

[Jon]

Dude these slovak girls are loving you!

As to her being a bit more aggressive with making a move - girls in developing countries (as Mark has pointed out w/r/t Thailand) often will take the initiative when they spot a guy from a wealthy country. This girl knows that the Aussie guys are clearly trying to exploit that, so she was turned off, but figures you are rich, not an asshole, and she probably thought you were cute. So, worth taking the initiative on her part.

[Thor]

What your saying makes alot of sense Chaos thankyou. Hitting on women is much more simpler then then the PUA industry make it out to be

(05-09-2012 12:30 PM)Chaos Wrote:  

Quote:She said that all the guys tried to chat to her and impress her I was the only guy that stayed quiet and waited for my turn to chat to her she said she found that attractive in a man.

I was surprised at this comment ?? I mean isnt it the other way round ? the guy makes the first move ?.

You did. You kept her eye contact and gave her a smile. Sometimes that's all you need. I've hooked up with girls just through eye contact... that establish interest, and the fact that you don't avoid it shows your confident. Sometimes she won't take the initiative and you'll have to approach or ask her out (that's been my case for all girls except one), sometimes she will initiate.

The discussion about who takes the first step is kind of stupid. If you ask the guy who just approached he would say he did, if you were to talk to the girl she would say she did via those little subtle signs she was throwing. It doesn't matter... There are a lot of reasons those guys failed where you succeeded, although for the look of it I would say displaying too much interest and displaying too much neediness would be the main problem. You on the other hand showed interest but not neediness, and that's NOT because you didn't talk to her... is something you kind of subcommunicate... If you had gotten up, approached her and told her, "Hi, my name is Thor (this are my fellow avengers)" and then nothing else she would have probably found you equally attractive. It's the honesty in that approach (or the honesty of displaying interest without actually hovering her) what makes you attractive.

[Mark]

Not sure how much that has to do with it. Eastern Europeans find the loud, boisterous culture of the west to be obnoxious and unnecessary.

I think what he demonstrated was a lack of neediness and investment in her attention. A year or two ago, I really stopped consciously worrying about getting laid and just decided to let whatever happens happen. And stuff similar to this has happened a lot: bunch of guys trying to impress some girls, me just hanging out and enjoying myself, and the girls inevitably end up attracted to me.

[flake]

Nice work buddy.

[The Notorious PhD]

@Chaos and Mark - How is physically escalating with a girl showing neediness?

For whatever reason, it seems she was turned-off by the Aussie. The guy also apologized and went back to minding his own business. Spice of life.

Or am I missing something?

@Thor - I was gonna "like" your post, but I don't want to upset the delicate palindromic balance (42 likes in 24 posts) you've got going

[Jon]

@ Notorious

If a girl is into it, then upping the physicality is not needing. Continually groping a girl who is not having it comes off as desperate (depending on the culture).

[The Notorious PhD]

@Jon - Thanks for clarifying! The problem I've been running into is that I'm usually quite UN-physical. So basically, if the convo is flowing smoothly and so on, it's okay to get touchy feely quite fast yes?

[Halo Effect]

Yes. But it depends on the situation. In a loud club, if things go well, you can pull her close to you and touch her all over in minutes or even sooner. In a mall during the day it's normal to keep your distance.

[Chaos]

(06-21-2012 10:43 PM)The Notorious PhD Wrote:  @Chaos and Mark - How is physically escalating with a girl showing neediness?

We never said that. We said not escalating combined with a strong eye contact and in that specific situation show non neediness.

For the record, neediness is almost never about what you do, but about why you do it. The same action can be taken as non needy or needy depending on the reasons of the guys who is doing it.

[Dragonslayer]

(06-21-2012 10:43 PM)The Notorious PhD Wrote:  For whatever reason, it seems she was turned-off by the Aussie. The guy also apologized and went back to minding his own business. Spice of life.

Cultural dissonance. I'm not saying that this was the reason here, but in many cases that's an issue. What's acceptable and normal social touching may be considered totally inappropriate in another culture, even if the context is the same. Also the extent of what's considered personal space varies from culture to culture.

[Jon]

(06-22-2012 12:28 AM)The Notorious PhD Wrote:  @Jon - Thanks for clarifying! The problem I've been running into is that I'm usually quite UN-physical. So basically, if the convo is flowing smoothly and so on, it's okay to get touchy feely quite fast yes?

Yeah totally. The issue isn't whether you touch or not but how it comes off to her.