Mark Wrote:This is a deep and complicated topic. But I'll give you the first step to fixing this, and it's something you're not going to hear anywhere else. And that's this:
Feeling self-conscious is normal. The most confident people in the world feel self-conscious. I still feel self-conscious all the time. The difference is how I handle it now. I'm comfortable with it. I'm used to it. It doesn't bother me or phase me to nearly the same degree it used to. The idea that a confident person NEVER feels self-conscious or self-doubt is bullshit and will just lead to further self-consciousness. The reason is that every time you feel self-conscious, you'll get upset that you're feeling that way and negatively reinforce the behavior in yourself. Whereas if you just accept that it's a normal part of being human, and that everyone feels self-conscious from time to time, and that it doesn't have to be such a big deal or affect your life so much, then that is the first step to it not being a problem anymore.
Obviously, the issue goes a little deeper than that and there are a lot of other variables involved. But that's the first step: acceptance. It's OK to be self-conscious. Anyone who tells you otherwise is hurting you, not helping you. Anyone who tells you otherwise is just denying their emotions rather than dealing with them.
Thanks mark. What u're saying is so obviously true when you take time and think about it.
If Im gonna be 100% honest it wasnt until I got told that I had to be outside my head and in a good state all the time to be attractive that I begun to second guess my self and my self conciousness. Cause when I got those beliefs I always asked myself "am I outside my head now?? ... yes cause If Im even asking that I am... oh fuck... Ill suck now" and its almost like I got depressed from it from time to time.
I realise now Ive been lied to alot with the concepts in the community, especially about this inner game stuff. Cause Ive read that girls can read all your inner game and if you're not super stable and very confident and outside your head she will feel that cause "she feels what you feel" and wont be attracted.
Anyway I read somewhere (none community) that one way to work on this is to actively trying to focus on other things than yourself while out, like focusing on really connecting with people, what they are thinking, why they are thinking it, their eye-color, their clothing etc etc, is that a legit idea in your opinion?
Also, how come I sometimes can feel so "free" and not self consious at all, but then I go back to my default self consiousness?