Getting over the worst case of one-itis ever. Help?

[machiavelli]

Ok, I have a classic case of one-itis over a really extended period of time -- boy meets girl, girl likes boy, boy likes girl, boy fails to make move for various reasons (some appalling, some reasonable), girl's attraction dies, boy spends two years (!!) digging himself in deeper before putting a stop to it. The details aren't important.

What is important is that the classic PUA "GFTOW" thing just ain't gonna work right now to get all the way over this. (Believe me, I've tried.) Why? Several reasons:

1. Even though I've picked up some game in the course of this whole thing, and actually had some success with other women (biggest achievement: a one-night stand with a lesbian. WIN. Actually thinking of trying to get her to do some kind of FWB thing actually), it's still damn hard around here. I'm in possibly the single worst place in the country for a single guy -- silicon valley, where the m-f ratio is like 8, every bar and party is a sausagefest, and most of the men make a ton more money than me to boot and lots of the women are golddiggers. So it's not like I can just hit the bars and start reeling them in. (Fortunately, in August I'm moving to a small college town where I'll be in like the top 5-10% income-wise, and gonna crank the lifestyle stuff up hard...) and

2. I've realized that going out looking to get laid to take your mind off some other women just doesn't work. It doesn't work because it's desperate, and reeks of it -- whenever I do that (and believe me, I've tried) I usually end up scaring off whatever women I'm trying it on by pushing way too hard etc. and

3. I can't solve the problem by going after low-quality women, partly because the one-itis girl is really high quality, and I'll just make myself feel like shit by chasing a bunch of ugly/dumb/boring girls to compensate, and partly because I actually do better on average w/ higher quality women (no clue why).

I don't think I've ever read anything from Mark about getting over one-itis without the whole gftow strategy (don't remember it being in Models, maybe I'm forgetting...?), but it seems like the sort of thing where wise advice would be available. Help?

[CHB2]

Time helps a lot. As does meeting someone of similar quality. A combination of those two things has helped me in my way towards getting over my ex who I dated for 4 years. If anything lower quality girls will amplify how great your one girl seems and make you want her more.

As far as meeting higher quality women, why don't you try day game? Some of the most attractive girls I see in NYC are just walking around, so I imagine it might be similar where you are. If you aren't comfortable just approaching on street, or there aren't good places to do that, maybe join a yoga class? All the yoga classes I have gone to have been around 75% women and most of the guys were either older or gay, so if you are comfortable starting conversations before or after class this might be a good avenue.

All that said, it is really hard, and some days are especially difficult if you have things that remind you of them. Try to just go with the flow and remember - to use the most cliched phrase possible - that this too shall pass. I didn't believe it when me and my ex split, but each passing month I feel better. I would imagine just letting some time pass would help you too.

[machiavelli]

Thanks man (sadly, day game is rough here too, though I have had some successes there).

[Nero]

We've all suffered from one-itis at one point or another. I think the best thing you can do is improve your lifestyle and fashion. Find a new hobby or get back into an old one that you really enjoy for what it is, not just to meet women. Get some new clothes and a new haircut. You'll start to notice that when you're doing something because you genuinely enjoy it, people will start to notice, especially women.

If a particular woman doesn't like you, don't try to win her over. In my experience, its too much work and almost never works. Improve your lifestyle and chances are you'll meet someone you genuinely enjoy being with.

[Mark]

Cut off all communication with her for a whie, if you haven't.

And as others said, invest in yourself. Improve yourself.

Meeting other women doesn't hurt, but it doesn't always help either.

[hiphoppotamus]

Mindfulness meditation.

[Good Looking Loser]

Bang another girl ASAP... even though this seems significantly less fulfilling/wholesome than improving your identity or overall life, imo "one-itis" is a largely a product of sexual neediness (and emotional neediness) and feeling like you don't have other options. Even though its superficial- you prove to yourself that you have other options. I agree with these guys, def. cut off communication with her, no facebook, no call phone texts etc.

[trader4life]

I know you aren’t asking about getting her back, but check this out because it somewhat relates. Tried both (other girls and lifestyle) and I can definitely say that doing stuff you enjoy / lifestyle enhancement will go much further in the long run. Sure, if she finds out that you like some other girl (especially if as hot or hotter than her) she will likely sniff back around in some way, shape or form, but that will only be proof of her narcissism. Went through this with my ex-wife of 12 years and have seen it play out 100 times and it generally happens the same every time. Sure, I got to bang her again as a result of her knowing about other girls, but as soon as they know they can have you back with relative ease, they jump ship again. It was not until I built a GREAT life that she full-bore wanted me back.

Guess what? As a result of a great life other women are so much more attracted (as has been said a million times). More importantly though, I realized that I do not want her now that she wants me (over two years later) because of the life I have now without her. Pretty crazy how it works, and it took over two years to get where I am at (only 6 months was spent still wanting her unconditionally). Point is focus on yourself – after all, you are the only one that you will undoubtedly be with until the day you die. I may see this different than most but women are just ONE component of a great life, not a REASON to build a great life, but rather, a byproduct of having one. Good luck!

“Men that get along great with women are the same ones that can get along great without them.”

[machiavelli]

Thanks guys. Definitely cutting off communication. Also hitting the gym/nutrition really hard -- trying to get to single digit body fat by August, when I move to another area. (Hm. Maybe I'll put that in the official goal thread over on the other board.) Contemplating going for the low-hanging but still awesome fruit and gunning for another lesbian hookup. :-)