"Getting Good at Sex" article - questions (especially for Mark)

[I_Dare]

1. "fuck her the way you want her"

I've read conflicting advice about this. Many say the right thing to do is finding what works for her (sometimes by asking her)... some women like it faster, others slower bla bla. Women have a "pleasure map" (David van Arrick, Alex Allman) or a "sexual code" (David Wygant). Fucking her the way you want to might make you miss that... Can you explain this to me? I mean...fucking her the way you want might make you neglect how SHE actually wants to get fucked. I might be misinformed so please help me out (please don't give me a really short answer... I won't get anything from it)

2. Did you know that it’s possible to make some women cum without even touching them? Did you know you can give a woman a 20-minute orgasm? Do you know how to last as long as you want in bed?

Tell me where can i find information on these 3 questions. 20 minute orgasm without hypnosis? Is that possible?

[Chaos]

WHO CARES!!!!!

I_Dare, you're posting a lot of irrelevant questions. So let me ask you back a couple:

- Are you getting sex consistently? Because if you are this question might be relevant but if you're not then it's completely irrelevant.

- What's your current stinking point? Are you a master at approaching but you're unable to close the deal?, are you unhappy with the quality of your relationships or your lifestyle? Are you unhappy with your sexual experience with every partner you have and you've experience it for some time with different women? Or are you having sex consistently and relatively good sex and this is just a curiosity of yours? If the answer is NOT one of the last two, then again this question is completely irrelevant for you.

Given the other threads you've posted I think you're just intellectualizing too much to avoid taking action. But that won't do you any good because if you don't take action things won't change... ever. So stop posting these threads, go to get some experience and then come back with some genuine personal questions or things that really concern you because you've experienced them.

[I_Dare]

Why do you think it's a MUST to fail a million times to succeed? Here you are asking me a ton of stupid questions that have nothing to do with this thread. This thread is about sex and MY BELIEFS about it, that I would like to challenge. As Mark said, most guys think they're experts at it but actually suck. How do I know that? Because women told me.

What the fuck does "a master of approaching" mean? Do you think it's normal to "master approaching" and then not knowing what to do next? I don't see anything MASTERFUL in approaching a woman and then looking like a total idiot.

What do you actually mean by this post? That having a GOOD UNDERSTANDING of sex is something bad UNLESS you had previously shitty experiences?

I've met enough guys following shitty advice like "go take action, it doesn't matter that you don't understand". Know what happened to them? They crashed EVERY SINGLE TIME and ended up with major depressions.

Go find someone else to give shitty advice and unjustified bad criticism to. And spare me with your PUA lingo.
Shitty advice like "You can't even approach, why do you want to know about sex?" is exactly the kind of shit PUA gurus tell guys ...making them feel massive anxiety because they know they'll eventually fail even after initial success. (if you can call opening your mouth to a woman success)

There's a thing called "fear of success". It basically means you fear the fact that even if you succeed, you'll crash very soon because you'll face a challenge that you can't handle. Solving this fear will reduce your anxiety guaranteed.

Sexual competence can give you 100 times more confidence than approaching 1000 women and failing. Guess what? Learning about sex can make you feel like you have something to offer, thus making you feel less like this guy who's just testing the field using random women to get passed anxiety.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

What would be the right thing to do in my case then, Mr Action-man? Go approach a girl, have an amazing connection....and before we fuck...I'll log onto the forum, keep her waiting till I ask you guys these 2 questions about sex ? Or maybe I should just test shit on her like she's some monkey?

[Mountainman]

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sea/561877622.html

I think Mark put that in models as well.

[Zelazny]

You're trying to learn how to fix a car without even having a license.
You can't prepare, plan and become excellent at everything in your life because life is inherently unpredictable.

Reading up about sex is all fine and dandy, but if you're not having it, it won't help you get it. It can make you feel better about yourself, thinking that you are some sort of highly-educated sex god, but it won't actually change anything, except that you've turned a good motivator to learn and experience in one where you don't need to get outside of your comfort zone.

And learning and experiencing is what this forum is about. Not about getting an A on your sex ed classes. As far as getting good in bed: Have fun with your partner, communicate, do what you want and don't be afraid to try stuff.

And honestly? If you feel that you need to educate yourself to have something to offer or to gain confidence, I'd say that the issue is feeling unworthy or feeling that you have nothing to offer, not having learned everything there is about sex.

[Salaam]

Sex is like swimming, you can read all the books about it you want, but you really ain't gonna learn till you get wet

[Tim]

Agree with Salaam and Zelazny. I get that you're just trying to get a better picture of everything and feel more confident in your ability to take her from A to O, but the second you've got her taking off her dress none of this is really going to be of much use if you've never done it before.

The one piece of advice that is worth listening to is 'be enthusiastic'. As a lot of women will tell you, simply being into it will make up for a lot of 'technical' mistakes. Kiss her with passion, touch her skin like it's addictive, and let her know how badly you want her, whether that's through touch or sound. That's really all the advice you need for now until you go out there and actually do something.

[Mark]

Hey I_Dare, have sex a few times and then we'll talk.

[CHB2]

I think it is a combination of learning what works for the specific girl and what works in general. I also strongly agree with Chaos that it is only relevant if you are having sex consistently. As far as lasting a long time, I think breathing and relaxing is important.

Not to thread hijack, but what are your guy's thoughts on oral vs intercourse? Sex God Method (suggested in Mark's article) seems to be all about making a girl orgasm through sex, while in my personal experience I have gotten girls off many more times eating them out than intercourse. As context I am having sex regularly, and have a good amount of sexual experience, but a lot of girls I have been with seem to not be able to orgasm from intercourse, while almost all of them can consistently from oral.

[Lycan]

If I remeber right you are a virgin
The first time you have sex you are going to last around 3 seconds. No amount of reading will change that.

And it does not matter

(06-26-2012 12:57 PM)I_Dare Wrote:  What would be the right thing to do in my case then, Mr Action-man? Go approach a girl, have an amazing connection....and before we fuck...I'll log onto the forum, keep her waiting till I ask you guys these 2 questions about sex ? Or maybe I should just test shit on her like she's some monkey?

This is whats going to happen:
you tell her you are a virgin
you have shitty sex for a few times
she will not mind because nobody expects anything else from a virgin
you will actually understand marks article because you know what sex is like in real live

Only after that the answers in this thread will have any use to you

[Chaos]

CHB2, yeah, I've gotten the same results. When in doubt, get her to come oral then have intercourse. BUT, oral can get boring (for men and women equally) so you should be able to get her to come through intercourse.

That's not JUST your responsibility so if you're seeing her on a regular basis I would recommend talking about it, trying different things and not making it a big deal. It doesn't really matter if she comes or you come (as long as neither of you become the eternal unsatisfied), the main thing is that you enjoy the process.

By the way, oral PLUS fingering is the way to go to make her come and they absolutely love it. Being able to get her to squirt via intercourse or fingering is also a big PLUS (or so they told me) and is not difficult to do (with your fingers at least). Sometimes some girls are shy and resist squirting, it requires connection and time but most of them will eventually get there. What works for me in general is not to convince her I don't mind, but to actually make her see how much of a turn on is for me (because it really, REALLY, is).

[Zac]

Hey I_Dare, remember the last thread you asked some random question and I told you I wanted to see more real life progress reports? And the time before that...

Dude you have like 56 posts and not one of them is "Hey this week I worked on X, did X, met X girls, ect"

Every post everyone tells you the same thing. You don't seem to know how to listen very well. Why do you keep posting if you just want to argue?

Quote:What would be the right thing to do in my case then, Mr Action-man? Go approach a girl, have an amazing connection....and before we fuck...I'll log onto the forum, keep her waiting till I ask you guys these 2 questions about sex ? Or maybe I should just test shit on her like she's some monkey?

2 things.

1. No one is worried about that happening because you are too busy asking mentally masturbatory questions here to actually get to that point. I haven't heard you talk about actually talking to a girl since you joined. We all would love it if you have sex. You just don't seem to get that we all know it's 99.9% not likely to happen if you keep spending all your time curiously over-intellectualizing this bs

2. Somehow, some way, I made it all the way to 23 having had sex with a few girls who enjoyed it without ever being a member of this forum. Sex is actually pretty fucking simple.

[CHB2]

@Chaos Yeah I usually do that. I was initially having trouble getting this girl to orgasm with oral alone, but had good results fingering her, so that last few times I have combined them and she seems to love it and it gets her off really well. No squirting though - I don't really know much about that, but I'll look it up.

I agree that its a good idea to discuss it with her and see if she has preferences with how she tends to get off via intercourse. Thanks for the input!

[Trickster]

If you're concerned about sucking because of a lack of experience, don't be. Of course you'll suck. In fact, sleeping with anybody the first time is kinda a clumsy and "feeling you out" affair. Very rarely do you sexually connect right off the bat, and that's because people (gasp!) like different things in different ways. My first girlfriend was really sensitive - couldn't directly get at her clit and nipples. My current girlfriend - wants it hard, to the point where I'm biting. You get the idea - part of the sexual experience is learning about the person you're with and finding out what works for both of you.

And in addition to that, you'd be surprised with the kind of "bad sex" women will put up with if they like you. So how's about this for advice - Attract a woman who likes you enough to have sex with you, and the work on having better sex with her.

[I_Dare]

@Zelazny - Yes it will help you get it if you get rid of certain anxieties that can be caused by confusing yourself. That's why I asked the question.(also because I didn't understand exactly what Mark meant).

I don't need to get out of my comfort zone? WTF are you talking about? Do you think I asked the question to stay at home and jerk off?

Practically the topic was CONFLICTING ADVICE I got.

@Tim - thanks for the tips

@CHB2 - David X said he was always surprised that women told him "You're the guy I had my first orgasm with." Orgasms from oral sex are not the same as those from fucking... Clitoral orgasms are not much of a big deal.

@Lycan - maybe but not 100%. There're lots of things people told me I can never achieve and did. I'm a big fan of Mantak Chia and cycling energy so the possibility of me prematurely ejaculating should be way lower than the average inexperienced guy. "Nobody expects different from a virgin." - yeah, thanks for making me feel like a worthless piece of shit )

@Chaos - you actually posted some good stuff now, as opposed to hating on me for various reasons.

@Zac - if you have read my posts with more attention, you might have noticed that I'm currently not in the right medical state to approach, have sex or anything. That's why I decided to sort out some beliefs.

I have quite a few women in my life I flirt with, I'm decent at connecting and know for sure that if I get introduced to new girls via my social circle I can hook up with someone interesting.

Awesome, now you can stop assuming I'm a nerd who can't even say Hi to girls but asks "irelevant sex questions".

@Mark - you too? :| I was expecting you to explain a bit your article. You wrote in the article that studying this stuff is a must and it's very useful...and now you're sending me confused "in the field".

--------------------------------------------'

Anyway, what's the point of this forum if I can't even ask a BASIC sex question to get rid of confusion caused by seemingly contradictory sex advice from popular "sex gurus"? Is this forum all about bragging? Can't I ask a question without getting lots of hateful responses?

[Zac]

Quote:you might have noticed that I'm currently not in the right medical state to approach, have sex or anything.

Quote:Anyway, what's the point of this forum if I can't even ask a BASIC sex question to get rid of confusion caused by seemingly contradictory sex advice from popular "sex gurus"?

This forum encourages real life action, not mental masturbation. Why, if you are not in the mental or physical state to do these things and will not be for a while why are you wasting your time creating tons of threads about these things instead of creating threads about improving your life in other ways?

All this "knowledge" isn't going to do much for you besides probably get you even more in your own head.

Did I just read that you injured your penis trying to make it bigger? You haven't even had a girl tell you if she likes your penis or not and you've already hurt yourself trying to make it bigger (as I understand that thread). Do you think it's possible right now you are trying to make your "knowledge" bigger and it could possibly be hurting you more than it's helping you?


Also, how are you not in the mental state to deal with this stuff but you can fire off arguments with guys on forums all day like it's no big deal?

[I_Dare]

So reading a book about sex is mental masturbation? That's not what Mark wrote.

You see, many guys have A LOT of real life experience, real life action and so on. And guess what...THEY STILL SUCK. It's not experience that helps you, it's POSITIVE EXPERIENCE.

Nope, REAL knowledge always helped me, it never got me uselessly in my head.

So what if I injured myself? Do you need anyone to tell you you're short to know it? Your observation is as stupid as "Why do you guys go to the gym? Did a girl tell you you should?" WTF dude. You seem to have made a hobby out of messing with me.

Dealing with what?

[Zac]

How am I messing with you by telling you to stop posting a bunch of stuff on a forum and actually improve your life in practical ways. I've read a lot of posts in my day and a lot of yours are mainly just over thinking things. It's a common problem for guys on message boards. For every hour of study you do you should back it up with a few hours of real life experience. If you can't get the real life experience, in my opinion, you are partially digging yourself a bigger hole than you were in in the first place by getting way too much in your head about it.

[I_Dare]

So conclusion:

Forum advice: Get out there, have shitty sex with a girl and totally disappoint her because you're confused as hell...then come back to the forum whining about it and hope that someone will answer your NOW RELEVANT question about sex?

I guess I should tell a girl "Hey, I'm a virgin and I asked some more experienced guys about sex and they told me first I have to totally disappoint you... then they'll give me some direction "

-----------------------------------------------------

Now to answer why I asked those 2 questions:

Question 1. NEED
Question 2. pure curiosity.

[Zac]

Like I said, I managed to have sex with girls and have them enjoy it long before I joined a forum but that's because I had a little self confidence and was willing to work with the girl to see what she liked. I wasn't convinced I was going to suck to the point I had to post 4000 words on the internet about it. It's all in your head.

Quote:So what if I injured myself? Do you need anyone to tell you you're short to know it?

Clearly, you do need to hear that you are still injuring yourself, just not physically. That's why I said it. You injured yourself because you obviously have some unhealthy views about yourself. That's what I"m pointing out.

I promise you, if you read 10,000 awesome pages on how to be good at sex, with your attitude, you are still going to suck and basically shit your pants the first time you get in a bed naked with a girl. It's the attitude you have, not the knowledge.

[Mark]

Quote:Forum advice: Get out there, have shitty sex with a girl and totally disappoint her because you're confused as hell...then come back to the forum whining about it and hope that someone will answer your NOW RELEVANT question about sex?

I guess I should tell a girl "Hey, I'm a virgin and I asked some more experienced guys about sex and they told me first I have to totally disappoint you... then they'll give me some direction"

How do you know you're going to disappoint them if you haven't had sex before?

Biggest error virgins make is that they think sex is some technique you have to study and learn, when actually studying and learn sex as a "technique" will just make them worse in bed.

Just have sex and try to enjoy yourself. Once you've had it a few times, then come back with questions. Guarantee 90% of what you're worried about will be a non-issue after you've had it.

I mean, weren't you telling me on Facebook your health problems were caused by over-reading and anxiety... and here you are, over-reading and creating more anxiety. When are you going to break your pattern?

[Tim]

(06-26-2012 06:42 PM)I_Dare Wrote:  You see, many guys have A LOT of real life experience, real life action and so on. And guess what...THEY STILL SUCK. It's not experience that helps you, it's POSITIVE EXPERIENCE.

This is the root of the problem here. You're saying that you have to only have positive experiences to gain confidence and real knowledge. This is not true at all. Gaining confidence and knowledge is all about how you interpret your experiences. And you need both good and bad ones to interpret. But either way the interpretation is key.

(06-26-2012 05:51 PM)I_Dare Wrote:  "Nobody expects different from a virgin." - yeah, thanks for making me feel like a worthless piece of shit )

That's why your interpretation is crucial. There's nothing wrong with not being good the first time you have sex. I was so bad the first time I thought I was gay! But it was no big deal, I had sex again the next day and it was much better.

The fact that you think not being a great lover your first time makes you a piece of shit shows how damaging negative interpretation can be. Stop placing these unnecessary expectations on yourself. If you can expect to be pretty bad the first time you have it, you won't feel anywhere near as much pressure when it happens. And I hate to break your bubble, but literally no-one is good the first time. That's not an insult towards you or anyone in particular. How could it be, if I'm applying it to everyone? I know it's scary to fail, but trust me, it's an inevitability with sex. And that's really not so bad .

(06-26-2012 05:51 PM)I_Dare Wrote:  @Mark - you too? :| I was expecting you to explain a bit your article. You wrote in the article that studying this stuff is a must and it's very useful...and now you're sending me confused "in the field".

You sound like a victim here. And I get that. You've got a lot of guys arguing with you and getting angry at you. I don't think you're making much progress apart from getting more emotionally wound up. So here's what I suggest:

-Stop asking questions about situations that haven't even happened yet on the forums for a bit. I think you're confusing yourself more than anything.

-If you're not in the right physical state to do anything, then drop all of this and work on that until you are. I don't know exactly what your medical issues are, but you should prioritize your health above all else if it's a problem. If it's mental as well as physical, I suggest you use the resources on this site and forum to find a therapist who can help with that.

-Once you've got that sorted, go out and actually do something. Approach a girl, or do whatever else you've been unable to do while you're dealing with your health issues. Then come back on here and tell us about it. I promise you that you'll receive much more positive feedback once you start doing that.

What I don't recommend you do is continue replying to this thread, or start a new one. I don't believe you are getting much value out of all this discussion.

[Zac]

How did men for the first 100,000 years man existed get good at sex before the internet came along?

[I_Dare]

(06-26-2012 06:58 PM)Zac Wrote:  and was willing to work with the girl >>>>>to see what she liked.<<<<< I wasn't convinced I was going to suck to the point I had to post 4000 words on the internet about it. It's all in your head.

THAT'S ALL I ASKED !!!!!!

No techniques, no 10.000 pages about sex, no advanced stuff, no nothing. I just asked Mark if I should aim for finding what she likes OR simply do what I please cause that's dominant? Simple question, VERY BASIC, nothing advanced.

[Zac]

Quote:THAT'S ALL I ASKED !!!!!!

No techniques, no 10.000 pages about sex, no advanced stuff, no nothing.

Quote:2. Did you know that it’s possible to make some women cum without even touching them? Did you know you can give a woman a 20-minute orgasm? Do you know how to last as long as you want in bed?

Tell me where can i find information on these 3 questions. 20 minute orgasm without hypnosis? Is that possible?

Like everyone said, just wait till you have some sex and see how it goes.