Funny experince last night - None needyness etc

[sledgehammer]

Yeah so, last couple of weeks Ive been out have been really shitty, feeling very stiff, not a very social mode, feeling like everyone is having more fun than me, seeking girls validation etc.

This friday was the same, shit night.

Saturday, same, or, the first hour that is. After that, when standing at the dance-floor, I thought to myself "wtf is going on? girls arent even LOOKING at me now", so I started think about the previous girls Ive been with, how I felt when they kissed me, when we fucked, after we fucked, all the good feelings that came from when they gave me validation - basicly Im pumping myself with the emotions of validation I got when being with hot girls before, even how good I felt when my first girlfriend told me she... euh, wanted to be my girlfriend!

So I kinda mindfucked myself til I felt extremely good, all those emotions going on inside my body made me very very relaxed, I felt like I had everything I ever needed, I felt like a winner, I felt extremely attractive.

All of a sudden, what happends? Girls start taking notice of me, several girls eyeing the shit out of me on the dancefloor, after maybe 15minutes 2 super super hot brunette girls start grabbing my ass from behind, one of them even puts her hand on my dick from behind. So I turn around, kiss her on the cheek, then I turn back. I guess I did some "false takeaway" or whatever lol, anyway from this point she gets crazy in me, makes ALOT of effort so I should pay more attention to her.

Finally I give in, we start making out like mad people, dry humping and all that shit on the dancefloor. Its still pretty early in the night so eventually she and her friend moves along. Soon enough another blonde hot girl is eyeing me, I walk straight up to her, starts making out. At this point I feel so fucking good its crazy.

I go get some shots, start chatting up the girl next to me, soon enough she is very very into me, we make out, exchange numbers, then I go to the dance-floor again.

This time, 2 NEW hot brunett girls trying to get my attention LOL, I make out with both of them, these girls are fucking crazy in me, I basicly .. how do you explain it, "fake fuck" one of them from behind with clothes on, on the dancefloor? Haha. Lift her up, spin her around, kiss her neck, etc etc etc.

During the night girls are grawitating towards me all the time, I keep thinking "holy shit how could I forget this? Just feel awesome and the girls will come!", at the end of the night I try pull one girl, but her friend steals her away.

Oh well, so I head out. At the street I see this super hot blonde milf (maybe 35 or something) walking towards me, so I lock eyes, we look into eachother for maybe 5-8seconds, then I grab her, say hi, we chat nonsense for maybe 2 minutes, then I make out with her and take her number.


And bare in mind, this is after nights and nights of struggle, no makeouts, no pulls, just a few numbers, basicly creeping girls out.

What was the main difference? This night I kinda, somehow, forced my body to give me access to these great emotions of validation so I felt so damn good, I felt like a king or some shit. I thought of all the girls who ever said I was hot, who I had been kissing, the few hot girls I had fucked, everything. So my brain just released all these great emotions in my body.

Its weird, its really like girls can feel this shit on some kind of unconsious level so they just GRAVITATE towards you, its kinda spooky if you think about it lol.


Its like, you cant really fake this shit, you cant be like "Ok, look alpha, have alpha body language", when you do that shit usually you just come off as a try hard or weird. You really gotta get these feelings going in your body and the rest will take care of it self.

When you feel like a winner, PU is pretty damn simple, at least thats what Im thinking right now. When you feel great, all you have to do is chat, flirt some, escalate.

None needyness is huge (goes hand in hand with how much validation you feel - self validation or validation from others, doesnt really matter, difference is the 2nd can give u a hell of an emotional roller coaster which sux).


Anyone with similar experiences? I really feel this night was a huge "click" for me, like "yeah, when you feel like a king PU is pretty damn simple".

[Mark]

Yeah, I can relate. It sounds like you experienced a temporary state though rather than a permanent shift.

All I know is that a couple years ago, I went and traveled the world, came back to the US, looked more or less the same, said the same things, wore the same clothes, went to the same clubs, but suddenly women started eye-fucking me everywhere I went and slept with me left and right.

People definitely do a have a sixth sense about each other. When a man is truly confident and comfortable with himself, women can almost smell it, it seems.

[Novak]

Feel the same way as sledge hammer, mark or anyone else on the board have any advice with regards to that look/feel. I understand you got that look feel after coming back to the states, I believe my body language is solid along with how I look however that certain "it" factor touched on earlier is missing at times. Any tips on getting that consistently would be great (articles, books, comments are all welcome)

[Tim]

(05-14-2012 03:11 AM)Novak Wrote:  Feel the same way as sledge hammer, mark or anyone else on the board have any advice with regards to that look/feel. I understand you got that look feel after coming back to the states, I believe my body language is solid along with how I look however that certain "it" factor touched on earlier is missing at times. Any tips on getting that consistently would be great (articles, books, comments are all welcome)

I've only really experienced that 'state' occasionally, and flukily when I have, so I'm maybe not the best person to answer, but I think it comes from just working on yourself to the point where it just 'happens'. You can't force yourself to enter it or anything, it just happens when you've rid yourself of neediness as best you can, and your intentions are being expressed as honestly and attractively as possible. The more you work on yourself, the more likely it is to happen, to the point where you get to Mark's position where it's almost always there, and only occasionally do things affect it.

Seeing a therapist for big issues, working on meeting your emotional needs, removing needy behaviour and thinking, and working on your lifestyle so you're bringing plenty to the table would be how you get there I guess. How to achieve this varies, but obviously this site is a great start. From there it depends on you. You might be a supplicating, validation-junkie who needs to read No More Mr Nice Guy, or you might have completely different issues. I suggest you read some of the other forum posts to get an idea of what it might be, then start a forum thread to ask any questions you have for help regarding that.

[Mark]

(05-14-2012 03:11 AM)Novak Wrote:  Feel the same way as sledge hammer, mark or anyone else on the board have any advice with regards to that look/feel. I understand you got that look feel after coming back to the states, I believe my body language is solid along with how I look however that certain "it" factor touched on earlier is missing at times. Any tips on getting that consistently would be great (articles, books, comments are all welcome)

Yeah, I wrote a 350 page book on it.

http://postmasculine.com/models

[Tim]

(05-13-2012 05:11 PM)sledgehammer Wrote:  Anyone with similar experiences? I really feel this night was a huge "click" for me, like "yeah, when you feel like a king PU is pretty damn simple".

Maybe I'm confusing you with someone else on the boards, but weren't you quite big on RSD Sledgehammer? If so, I'd say that dropping all their stuff will help you achieve this state much quicker than anything else. I know that getting rid of my PUA mindset helped rid me of some of my nervousness, neuroticism, validation seeking, etc much quicker than anything else I've done, including therapy. It was like I could just go out to a club again, and there was no pressure to 'perform'. The only success measure was how much I had fun at the end of the night, and a lot of nights that was when I never even talked to any girls I didn't know. I'd say that would be especially the case for former-RSD aficionados.

[Todd1]

(05-14-2012 03:36 AM)Tim Wrote:  Maybe I'm confusing you with someone else on the boards, but weren't you quite big on RSD Sledgehammer? If so, I'd say that dropping all their stuff will help you achieve this state much quicker than anything else. I know that getting rid of my PUA mindset helped rid me of some of my nervousness, neuroticism, validation seeking, etc much quicker than anything else I've done, including therapy. It was like I could just go out to a club again, and there was no pressure to 'perform'. The only success measure was how much I had fun at the end of the night, and a lot of nights that was when I never even talked to any girls I didn't know. I'd say that would be especially the case for former-RSD aficionados.

Reminds me of a Tucker Max article on the forum a while back called "How to Score". He said to move away from being outcome dependent because it causes you to invest too much in casual interactions. Tucker later said a lot of his success stems from the fact he really does not care about the result or if the girl likes him or not. Instead he was just out to have fun.

Becoming a non-needy male seems to come from changing your perception. Ironically the more you care about an individual interaction the more likely you are to come across as unattractive because you are fearful of "losing" the girl". The more you realize that you are an attractive man with an abundance of options, the less you care if an interaction goes well. This means you put less pressure yourself and you will come across as being more relaxed and authentic. I'm assuming moving away from the PUA mindset helps guys be less outcome dependent and thus helps them become less needy around women.

[sledgehammer]

Heya Tim. Yes thats correct, RSD brainwashed me for several months. After advice from this forum I dropped them all together, occasinlly I check out Tylers new youtube videos just to get a laugh but other than that - NO rsd what so ever.

All I have now is Marks book and 4 elements of game (Which have helped me very much with my mindset), I feel alot of less stress in my life now and especially while out clubbing. I really think PU made me more nervous and anti-social than before while doing it, like I had this weird pressure on me to get girls else I was a shit human being, PUA was everything I thought about for several months and it blocked me from focusing on anything else cause I somehow felt I had to "get this pu shit down" before I focused on anything else lol.

Theres so many concepts out there in the pu jungle that can really fuck you up. Its pretty funny how alot of the guys tell you to be a natural (which is great), but at the same time they give u 300 concepts and paradoxes to think about, when in reality, a "natural" most often is just a guy who aint thinking about this shit and just talk to girls cause he likes it and doesnt necessarily have to fuck them, he certainly doesnt feel bad if he doesnt manage to fuck her lol, no outcome dependance etc.

So to sum up the concepts into like 3-4 principes, likes "girls like guys who doesnt need their validation", and "allow yourself to be vulnerable", or "get the courage to express yourself" and maybe "tease the girls" (Which is just often a result of feeling comfortable with girls, like in grade 1 or some shit - Makes it way easier, cause you can look at the concepts, go "yep that makes sense", then just go out and work with it. Cause its pretty logical and straight forward, and has it roots in evolutionary psychology.

Instead of: Be in state, be in the moment, read tolle, neg the girl, disqualify, push/pull, framecontrol, be unreactive, be responsive, cocky funny, build rapport, break rapport, get her to invest, build compliance, yes-ladders, BLABLABLABLABLABLA which just fucks up your mind.

But yeah, that feeling fulfilled shit is very important, just feeling you dont need anything, just expressing yourself, that shit is huge and often makes girls gravitate towards you.