From Text to Sex - Escalating to DTF via Text Game

[Mace]

28 year old grad student from POF. Messaged her first on Thursday night, exchanged a few more messages, got her number.

Texts below:

Friday, Apr 13

Me (3:48) hey (name) it's Mace. how ate you?
Her (3:56) Hey. Unwinding. Just got back from an exam
Me (4:11) nice. how was it
Her (4:15) It was ok. that was the 4th one this week...kind of stop caring at some point :-P
Me (4:19) lol ya I've been there. what are you taking at (school)
Her (4:22) Optometry. How long have u been out of school?
Me (4:28) nice you know my buddy (name)? he's is in it.. did my undergrad in (program) at (school), convocated 4 yrs back
Her (4:31) I do know him. I knew a friend of his before I got here...do u know a (name)?
Me (4:41) whoa small world. no
Her (4:45) Small world it is. Who needs 7 deg of separation when you guys from (school)!
Me (4:49) for sure. you seem pretty cool. what are you up to tonight
Her (4:54) Booked solid, lol. Everyone wants to head out to unwind after week one of exams. how was ur party last nite?
Me (5:08) good times. still recovering here in the office lol
Her (5:10) Work hard play hard, huh. found it odd u were going at like 1:30 am though. I guess no party really starts until ur there :-P
Me (5:14) lol u know me too well ;-) I was in Barcelona last year, they don't start clubbing till 2am
Her (5:20) Haha and thats like our 'last call'. Really is a shame. How long were u in barcelona?
Me (5:31) in Spain for a wk, hit up Ibiza as well. huge party island. ever been to Europe?
Her (6:10) I was in europe for about a week too. had a conference in amsterdam so I tagged on pit stops in paris and belgium before getting there. Really liked it there, esp. Belgium :-)


Saturday, Apr 14

Her (2:31) Did u send last night recovering?

Me (8:01) I'm now recovering from last night! how did your unwinding go last night

Her (8:09) Not too bad. A couple of glasses of wine did the trick :-P My girls did bail on me though for the afterparty!

Me (8:28) quit "wining" :-P you girls hit up (club)?

Her (8:29) Why did u see me there?

Me (8:33) saw a girl who looked familiar, may have been you. small world

Her (8:35) You should have said hi!

Me (8:35) ditto ;-) what were you wearing

Her (8:35) I'm joking. I wasn't there. a pick up line for you that actually is true!

Me (8:38) lol youre a tease

Her (8:39) I tried honesty...but u didn't believe me :-P

Me (8:46) so where do you reach usually. you don't strike me as a party girl

Her (8:47) Reach?

Me (8:47) lol it's (city) slang. where do you hit up

Her (8:55) (club) usually...place has always been dead though. Im usually the only person on the floor. People have hyped it up for no reason. But at leatr the musics good.

Her (8:57) By comparison to my class, I'm the partier and drinker. If I dont have to study for something, I want to go out. Just don't know too many people who feel the same :-(

Me (9:03) sweet work hard play hard and shake that booty. my philosophy

Her (9:06) Good. Does that mean u have rhythm? You're not the creepy guy at the club hanging out by the bar?

Me (9:08) nah I'm that creepy guy rubbing my crotch up your ass :-P

Her (9:10:59) Guess I have to lower my standard. Fine, as long as you're keeping with the music.

Me (9:22:12) my kinda gal. you into hip hop r&b? i'm going thru a 90s slow jam phase

Her (9:28) I actually like hiphop and reggae to dance to, but I tend to listen to old school rock, alt rock, etc

Me (9:30) nice I've been to the rock and roll half of fame in cleveland, theres some good stuff there

Me (9:32) i was goin thru a Beatles phase back then. I love that song "something", the one George Harrison wrote

Her (9:35) I have actually listened to them often enough :-( how about guns n' roses, joan jett, red hot chilli pepers, queen

Me (9:37) crazy I've got all of them on my iPhone! appetite for destruction is in my top 5 albums, queen is awesome too, gotta luv bohemian rhapsody

Her (9:37) I just listened to it :-) thank u

Me (9:38) lol someone has a big ego.. don't flatter yourself :-P

Her (9:40) Hah, not what meant. Looks who got the big ego!

Me (9:43) and now youre quoting beyonce and we all know what she really means...

Her (9:48) Yeah but she's talking about a guy who can actually back her claims ;-)

Me (9:55) it's not about the size of the boat it's the motion of the ocean ;-)

Her (9:57) Whatever helps u sleep at at night sweetie.

Me (9:59) youre a saucy lil munchkin

Her (10:03) I figure one makes up for the other

Me (10:06) if you mean my appendage you are mistaken my dear :-D

Her (10:08) I did not actually

Her (10:09) But thanks for clarifying

Me (10:13) lol this is why i'm not big on texting

Her (10:14) Hahaha guess you can't blame autocorrect or anything

Me (10:18) true. but you seem pretty cool and worth getting to know. how's your looking calendar this wk

Her (10:20) Exams mon wed and fri :-(

Me (10:22) how's next Sat

Her (10:29) Maybe. I have a friend who wanted to go out and party fri or sat. I'm letting her choose. I wouldnt mind having you there though :-) but I can do drinks this mon night if you're free

Me (10:38) mon should be good. I like (bar). know how to get there?

Her (10:39) Thw wings place? Yep

Me (10:43) cool lets meet at 9

Her (10:43) Works for me

Me (10:48) k gnite sassy lil munchkin ;-)

Her (10:49) Good nite mr. ego :-P


Monday, Apr 16

Me (6:26) hey shorty hope ur exam went well. at my office, gonna be a bit delayed. see you at 9:15
Her (6:28) No problem. See ya then
Her (9:15) Hey Im here and put my name down for a table. Theres a line!
Me (9:16) on my way


Met up at the bar, split a couple of pitchers. Brought her back to my pad and banged.

[Trickster]

(04-22-2012 08:22 PM)Mace Wrote:  Met up at the bar, split a couple of pitchers. Brought her back to my pad and banged.

I think you getting laid might have been less about the texts and more about this.

[Thor]

Thanks for sharing Mace welldone on the the lay

[Halo Effect]

I like your texts. But I wouldn't say she was DTF just because of the texts. You set up a date through the texts, and the date led to sex.

I thought I might see some sexting in this thread, but alas. That stuff works, but more for girls who are already comfortable with you (and who you've already had sex with, usually).

[baller08]

I don't know what DTF stands for but I'm guessing it probably doesn't matter.

I'm not going to break down this text message line by line because that gets into nerdville that helps no one. This isn't the ONLY way to do this but this is definitely one way, especially in this age of texting.

Mace did a good job of balancing regular boring talking that isn't boring because he sprinkled it with a lot of sexual banter. He wasn't afraid of messing with her a little bit and showed that he isn't afraid to be sexual. But his timing was good.

I know there's a lot of you guys who are trying to say that its not necessary, but in this case I believe it was. Some cases, if his initial interactions are solid enough, then it may take less time. For a lot of the guys here whose initial interactions are horrible, then no amount of texting will do any good.

But for the sake of learning let's not tank something just because you don't think it fits into whatever dating system/model you're believing it at this moment. I will say that for the guys here who can't ever get a text return or a 1st date, this is a good sample to follow, not just for texting but for talking to a girl in person as well.

It's not the line by line that is important, its the attitude behind it.

[Thor]

I can tell Mace has put alot of time and practise into meeting girls and using text to seduce them. Looks like he has a solid blue print forged through many hours in the field practising.

[baller08]

I agree that time spent on the field, risking rejections, and learning from them is the most important thing in coming up with your own "blue print".

But Mace doesn't use text to seduce them. The seduction process takes place in person, as we've said countless times, it's all body language and vibe, words in a text can't convey those. Mace will be the first person to tell you this.

What he does with text is the following:

1) To further the little curiousity and attraction he developed during the time of meeting. He hits on girls where they usually don't have time for him to go further.

2) To further show he isn't a typical fearful guy and to learn a little more about the girl so he has conversation topics during the 1st date.

3) To build some comfort and familiarity.

4) To set up logistics for the meeting.

Again, this isn't the only way and in some areas this part of the process don't take as much time. Depending on how your initial interacton is, sometimes a 5 or 6 text exchange is enough to have the girl come meet you.

But don't be married to methods....the point is that he does enough during the interaction to make his text conversations possible. His text conversations are not magicial..it's like a phone call....it simply sets up the date so it's more intriquing, exciting, and comfortable.

The reason why some of you guys can't get a text back to even start a conversation is because you come off way too desperate, interested, and needy during the initial interaction. There's nothing fun or challenging about it. The conversations are typical and boring so she's not going to respond to your text.

[Mace]

(04-23-2012 07:25 PM)baller08 Wrote:  But Mace doesn't use text to seduce them. The seduction process takes place in person, as we've said countless times, it's all body language and vibe, words in a text can't convey those. Mace will be the first person to tell you this.

What he does with text is the following:

1) To further the little curiousity and attraction he developed during the time of meeting. He hits on girls where they usually don't have time for him to go further.

2) To further show he isn't a typical fearful guy and to learn a little more about the girl so he has conversation topics during the 1st date.

3) To build some comfort and familiarity.

4) To set up logistics for the meeting.

baller08 nailed it.

There are things I've done to convey value:
- travel to Spain
- party lifestyle
- work in an office etc.

Furthermore, there are subtle things I've done via text to convey "alphaness":
- taking time to respond to build anticipation, using emoticons sporadically
- not being overly conscious of spelling and grammar
- being laconic/not overly verbose
- mirroring her texting style
- not asking too many questions with a question mark
- using short declarative sentences etc.

Lastly, I've screened her for sexual receptivity and warmed her up for the first date. I now know that if I play it right I can get the bang (vs. a cold/frigid/prudish girl who may require more work).

You can't seduce a girl over text, but you CAN blow yourself out - and showing neediness is the biggest thing pitfall.

Text game really comes down to conveying value WHILE building rapport, and not being needy.

[playmaker001]

Baller, you do know this is from POF right? He met her online, so there was no initial "time of meeting" before the messages...

[baller08]

Quote:Text game really comes down to conveying value WHILE building rapport, and not being needy.

This is true in any interaction, face to face or otherwise.

I will say though, Mace, the list you wrote about showing "alphaness"....this is the area where you get a lot of PUA backlash. It's really kind of silly because those things really don't matter. Don't worry so much about tiny details like this. You've got the right overall attitude...save yourself some brain cells on stuff like that.

I mean come on....good grammar and writing well should just be something every guy strives to do. Writing poorly should not show "alphaness" and women aren't attracted to that....if they are then that's not a girl you should spend time with.

Don't get bogged with stuff like that, seriously it doesn't matter. It also ruins your credibility, otherwise there's some good lessons for the beginners here.

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(04-23-2012 07:53 PM)playmaker001 Wrote:  Baller, you do know this is from POF right? He met her online, so there was no initial "time of meeting" before the messages...

Sorry, Playmaker....I don't know what POF is.

But even if he met her online, the whole texting style and method is still a good format to play and chat with a girl if he had gotten her number after a few minutes of meeting her in person.

The point is this type of back and forth is fun, challenging, and has enough sexual banter that a guy won't be put into a friend zone or seem boring.

[Mace]

(04-23-2012 07:55 PM)baller08 Wrote:  I will say though, Mace, the list you wrote about showing "alphaness"....this is the area where you get a lot of PUA backlash. It's really kind of silly because those things really don't matter. Don't worry so much about tiny details like this. You've got the right overall attitude...save yourself some brain cells on stuff like that.

I mean come on....good grammar and writing well should just be something every guy strives to do. Writing poorly should not show "alphaness" and women aren't attracted to that....if they are then that's not a girl you should spend time with.

Don't get bogged with stuff like that, seriously it doesn't matter. It also ruins your credibility, otherwise there's some good lessons for the beginners here

Have to disagree here. It's a matter of perception. I strive for perfect grammar, spelling and punctuation in business correspondence. But going out of your way to capitalize, dot every i and cross every t in a casual medium like text messaging can come across as stiff/formal/socially awkward, particularly to younger women.

Generally, I aim to mirror the girl I'm texting - if she's writing professionally and i'm using txtspeak, it won't help to build rapport. And vice-versa.

As a novice I was overly conscious of the way I was texting to make sure I wasn't blowing myself out - when relating to a virtual stranger without the aid of body language or tonality, there's very little margin for error with words on a screen, so I was doing a lot of FAG (fuck-up avoidance game). Now that I've internalized the core game principles this has become how I naturally text and vibe.

[baller08]

No, I get what you're doing. I was merely saying you don't have to work that hard. The whole mirroring her when she's texting....why doesn't she mirror you? You see what I'm getting at?

I write how I write. I don't go out of my way to dot my i's, I don't go out of my way to not dot my i's. When you get into that type of mindset you're caring too much already. You want to improve right? I'm telling you that you don't have to be so careful because that in itself is caring too much which is kind of ironic because that is what you're trying to avoid.

[Halo Effect]

I have dated multiple girls who would be turned off completely if a guy made spelling and grammar errors. I love me some grammar nazis.

Also, DTF = Down to fuck
POF = Plenty of Fish, an online dating site.

[SeXyBaCk]

Just want to point out I'm in awe of the mental effort that you've put into the text exchange. I agree with Baller, I don't think you need to be analytical about this, you've got it down. There's no room to improve the texting.

Baller, Plenty Of Fish is like an online profile dating site.

Overall though I'm having a hard time to believe how you can build an actual connection through text messaging. I've not become more interested in a woman due to her texts... how could that work reversed. Sure, getting comfortable to meet up.

[Halo Effect]

Sure you can create a connection through texting. It can never be as good as seeing her in real life, or even as good as talking on the phone, but you can exchange information about yourselves and get to know each other, and you can convey attractive personality traits like Mace did (he shows he's not needy or insecure), and you can also escalate sexually and turn each other on or share intimate details with each other.

This is probably done much more by the younger generation, and a little hard to understand for older generations. But my first girlfriend, I texted her for hours and hours and my interest grew in her as I learned more about her through texting. I also have sexual conversations regularly through texting or chatting.

Quote:There are things I've done to convey value:
- travel to Spain
- party lifestyle
- work in an office etc.

I would not call this "conveying value". I would call it "sharing something about yourself".

There are girls who would dislike guys who party a lot. There are girls who dislike guys who work in offices. And there are even girls who don't like guys who travel. You just show who you are, and only if she is into the kind of man that you are will she become more interested based on that.



And it may be hard to attract a girl through texting, but it is easy to lose attraction through texting. For example, in the other thread Oldguy asks if it would be needy to text a girl "It was nice meeting you have a nice evening". First of all, please use punctuation. Second, if she receives this, will it make her smile? No. Will it make her want to write back to you? No. Does it convey attractive personality traits? No. I'm not saying every text has to be like fireworks, but imagine receiving this text from a girl. How does it make you feel? Nothing much, right? By analysing this stuff we risk over-analysing, but texting can be a way to have fun with her.

Basically, through text you can continue any "chemistry" or inside jokes or connection you had in real life and enjoy it and explore it further. "It was nice meeting you have a nice evening" doesn't do that.

For example, this Saturday I took a girl's number, and during the night I found out she studied something to do with farming, so I had obviously made fun of how she's studying to milk cows when she "grows up", and she was out with her sister's bachelorette party, trying to get guys to buy drinks for her sister in exchange for hearts. And, she had been trying to convince me all night that she was in fact funny and wild, because I insisted that all German girls are boring. I texted her "Hey crazy cow girl. Did you sell all your sister's hearts yet? " This has a fun vibe and I give her a reason to respond with the question. This way, I simply continued the vibe we had earlier. If I had in stead told her "It was nice meeting you have a nice evening" she would have replied if she was really into me, but the text certainly doesn't help things.

[SeXyBaCk]

Time to get me a 'I am totally D.T.F.' tshirt to wear to the gym.

I'm anal about my spelling, I don't abbreviate or appreciate text speak either. People pretty much adapt right away when I point out it's one of my pet peeves. I don't feel this way because I cherish the english tongue or something, rather it's just faster and easier to read. It takes me much longer to read a text speak message than a regular one, even if it's composed of less characters. It's also just sort of juvenile, my sister's mother in law (is over 60) once sent me a message saying "cumin 2 ur house cya l8tr". What?

[baller08]

Halo Effect, Sexyback - thanks for the definitions. Never heard of POF but then again I've been against guys using online dating pretty much since it started!

[chiclover]

Congrats Mace. Not to take anything away from this, but you have to think about different factors that come into play. The big one being that women online tend to be easier lays. I've had similar experiences before and its great if you wanna get out of a rut. The extensive messages were probably unnecessary, and I wouldn't put too much weight into what was said. Some text game can only help you as it's just another tool to set yourself apart from all the other guys messaging her, but it's not the be all end all.