Failed date with russian girl

[Thor]

On the way back from the office I see a very cute brunette walking down the road. She was well dressed and had long dark hair down to her shoulders the kind of hair I love in a woman.

I crossed the road go right in front of her and said "excuse me" she stopped looked at me and gave me a very bitchy look. I complimented her on her hair style. She replied "huhhh" and walked away.

As she was walking away I got alittle angry and raised my voice "Is that how you normally react in your home country when someone gives you a compliment". She stopped turned round and looked at me giving me the same bitchy look and said "what do you want" no smile whatsoever.

I said somthing along the lines of "Oh for godsake dont give me that bullshit you know exactly why I am talking to you so whats your name".

She replied with her name. I responded with something with "You sound very russian and I am guessing your from Moscow judging by your heart warming attitude" I smiled she replied and told me how the russian people are very warm and friendly. She slowly began opening up and telling me how her parents had sent her here to study. When I began talking about dogs she opened upto me like a child and began talking about her dog when she was a teenager.

We chatted for ten minutes and I told her that I had to go somewhere so we should meet some other time. She replied "you seem like an asshole". I ignored her comment and took her number.

The following week I arranged a date with her we met. She came across very warm and friendly on the phone it was wierd ??

THE DATE

This is where things seemed to fall apart. I sat her down on the park bench and began talking. She was very quiet and didnt say much. After about 15 minutes I raised my finger placed it under her chin an attempted to kiss her by bringing her closer to me.

She pulled away and said "I dont want to kiss you". All of sudden she said "Are you married" I replied "no" she kept pushing it saying ". Now I felt myself falling apart .

She then continued to tellme how the previous guy she was seeing was married and she never knew. I didnt know how to respond to her ?

How would you dealt with this ?

She then asked me have you ever loved someone ?

Again I was wasnt sure how to respond as I have never had a relationship so I have never experienced love in that sense.

The date completely fell apart and after another 20 minutes she said "I have to go now".

Can someone please give me some pointers on how to handle situations like this ?

Thanks

[Leo]

It seems to me that you guys really didn't connect, there was no "click", no "comfort". At the same time it seems she has her own insecurities about married men, don't take it personally.
I'm surprised she went on a date with you without really connecting with you at some level. There was no chemistry at all. I've had dates with girls that I barely know but we connect at some level, or physically or emotionally and sometimes both, that's even better . But I didn't see anything here. Just my 2 cents.

[Thor]

Dont know why the bitch ever agreed to meetup. Girls like that really piss me off. Shes probably been fucked by other PUAs in London theres so many of them its hard to compete.

[Leo]

You don't gonna go too far with all that anger. She doesn't owe you anything and vice-versa. You are learning, these are your first interactions. You don't even know her, there was no attraction, no connection and you tried to kissed her. What do you expect?

[James]

I'd say to find a cool place that's not too busy and have get some drinks together on the first date. Helps to get you both relaxed and get to know each other. Also helps with escalating....easier and more congruent than a sober daytime date imo.

But sounds like she was pretty weird. Only thing I'd say about what to do about her comments is just to be non reactive. If it's something you don't like or something annoying or that you don't know how to deal with, just brush it off, don't react and change the subject to something you wanna talk about. Or just do what you want. You could just look at your cellphone or a magazine or smile and look off in the distance without answering, then say..."so anyway...". You don't have to react to everything. Basically just do what you want.

Depends on the situation but non reactive is best for many situations. It's better to do too little than too much.

[SeXyBaCk]

OldGuy, sounds like this lady might have a history of her own. I agree with Leo though, the kiss-attempt sounds pretty random. The impression I got was she was really shy and unsure about your intentions so to just try and kiss her... bad call. You can always try again, send a message suggesting you give it another go at a first date. Then again...you calling her a bitch now... forget it. I think you could probably still salvage the situation and date her if you invested enough time and effort, but ... that's up to you. I'm not telling you, I wasn't there. On a general note though...you have to learn to be more perceptive. If the woman you're on a date with is really reserved and shy and her guard up you have to just accept that and take it slow if you want to get to know her. If that's not what you want, if you just want to jump in the sack asap you need to pick your dates better eg. screen more precisely. Don't go blaming them. You asked for her number, you called, you wanted something from her.

As for the questions, stick to the truth. No you haven't been married and no you don't think you've ever really loved someone, or have you? If you have just say yes. And you're looking for love, no? The way i see it that was her attempt in starting to tell you a little bit about herself. I don't see any problem with being up front about it.

[Thor]

Thankyou everyone for your advice. I didnt mean to call her a bitch I was feeling alittle down and depressed over the last couple of days. Just getting back on my feet again. Read a few inspiring articles on the main site which inspired me spend more time sorting this part of my life out.

[an4367]

oh Thor....


you can call me biased but i immediately saw two things that stuck out in this experience: your approach and the choice of venue for a date. please show more respect for a woman you meet on the street! you bumped into her, you wanted something from her and you expected her to automatically be warm and friendly to you? imagine if we acted like that with every guy that approaches us on the street--it's not safe! and then--the date. you could have picked a better place other than a park bench and your failed attempts at kissing her. i'm not saying that she didn't do some things that were a bit off but since you are the man--you are the initiator and you decide how right or wrong things go--provided that you remain respectful to her! i'm assuming you're british? i don't know how courtship works in the uk, but understand with russian girls it's a bit different. you have to make the approach and the first move but you have to do it in a respectful and smooth manner. if the conversation is going nowhere kissing a girl will not make the date go smoother. these are my 2 cents, you can disregard them if you wish. or you can take some of what i wrote in consideration and make your next encounter a little more pleasant:-))))

[Chaos]

(04-17-2012 07:37 PM)Thor Wrote:  Thankyou everyone for your advice. I didnt mean to call her a bitch I was feeling alittle down and depressed over the last couple of days. Just getting back on my feet again. Read a few inspiring articles on the main site which inspired me spend more time sorting this part of my life out.

That's the attitude!!