Emotional Needs

[steve suave]

When seeking out relationships it is important to screen for the status, connection or security needs of your prospective partner(s). Quite often my intuition tells me to avoid a woman but my rational side generally overturns this judgement...to my detriment. The last girl I was in a relationship with was obviously connection centred which echoes my needs...bloody brilliant. Until I slowly start to realize she is heavily status biased. After investing in a six month relationship, it started to unravel based on our different emotional needs. The start of our relationship was based on witty, charming and quite deep conversations that got me thinking she was connection based. How do I read this better in the future? Listen to my intuition?

[Zelazny]

She has her needs, you have yours. You can't expect both partners to have fully equal needs. You can however both decide that you wish to invest in a relationship and wish to fulfill the needs of the other. Your wish for wit and deep conversation is no different than her wish for status.

Then both read the "This is water" thing ( http://postmasculine.com/this-is-water ) together, lest you place your needs on a pedestal and have them control you both.

[steve suave]

Much appreciated Zelazny. The woman I was seeing was 36 years old and I understand the concept that she may have divergent emotional needs, but should a 36 y.o. really be status centric...wouldn't this reflect on a poor self-esteem. The "this is water" piece is brilliant and I don't place any woman or my needs on a pedestal...do I protest too much.