Hey guys and girls,
I'm back on the forum. But I'd be surprised if anyone remembered me, because my existence of the old forum was very short. So I think it's only polite, that I introduce myself to you:
I'm a 24 year old university student from Germany, who discovered something called the “seduction community” a few years ago. But after a while I realized that many of the people in this “community” and their mindsets are highly toxic. So I was very happy that I discovered Mark's site, which in my opinion teaches a far more healthy approach to getting the relationship part of my life mastered.
When I first arrived on the old Practical Pick Up Forums (link to my old thread
) I thought I had just overcome an episode of major depression. Unfortunately I was wrong and shortly afterwards I fell back into it until it finally got so bad, that the only thing that could help me was stationary treatment. I have been back home now for more than four months and I feel fine again and think I've got the basics of my life back under control. The reason I'm telling you this is that this naturally has had a major impact on me - my beliefs, my outlook on life, etc. It also means that 2011 pretty much didn't happen for me, and that lots of my social contacts broke down. I just think that this information will make it easier for any one interested in this journal to understand my writing.
Where I'm standing now
A few days ago I was looking for some general motivation (and also for a reason to procrastinate a bit more) and finally read “Models” and I must say, it was a great read. Mark confirmed a lot of things that I had already concluded by myself, and so what new ideas I got from him neatly fitted into and extended my already existing belief system. Also the motivation thing worked out fairly well.
Right now, my biggest issue is excessive procrastination, which holds me back in almost every area of my life. So at the moment getting this under control has the highest priority for me. After reading “Models” I remembered my old account and wanted to look up Practical Pick Up once again. To my surprise I found the site had moved. But luckily the forum and its members are as good as I remember them, so I didn't think long before recreating my account.
The reason I'm writing this journal, is to have the possibility to objectively follow my development. Even the recent past gets quickly distorted by our emotions, so I hope that a written journal will allow me to get a more undistorted look back on what I did. If any of you wants to follow me, you are very welcome to do so. And if you'd like to comment on any of my ramblings, I'd be glad to hear your opinions!
My life during the last week
Saturday (23 June 2012)
Went to a house party and must have made a good impression, cause one of the few girls there literally threw herself at me. She was very nice and intelligent, but not my type at all. But since I hadn't had any intimate contact with a girl since over a year ago it felt really good to get this kind of attention.
Now, in former times I would have given very much thought on what other people would think about me, if I spent the entire evening hanging around with a girl that doesn't fully fit the conventional definition of beauty, and if they would think that I'm a loser who can't get a more attractive girl and has to take anything he can get. But as I had just read “Models” before, of which the emphasis on honesty has made a great impression on me, I decided to just not care at all and do what I want to do and ignore what others will think of me because of that. At the end I had a really nice evening and a very enjoyable interaction with a lovely person, and I felt really good about acting like I did.
Wednesday (27 June 2012)
After wasting the entire day procrastinating I spontaneously decided to go to a club nearby. No big plans, I mostly thought it would be more fun to watch the game (Portugal vs. Spain) in company than at home alone, and that it would feel good to get among people a bit. In the beginning the atmosphere wasn't very club like. Everybody was sitting outside in the open air area and following the game. So I sat down next to a guy and a girl to watch the game myself and chatted a bit with them about the game, the Euro, and football in general.
After the half-time break I moved to another empty bench, from where I had a much better view. After some time two girls asked whether they could sit next to me and without hesitation I said “sure!”
Had quite an interesting conversation with them, though my main focus remained on the game. After extra time and penalties it was 23:30 and though now would have been the time to approach some other girls, I felt tired and because of the lame game my energy level was very low, so I decided to go home. Of course, this is just a convenient rationalization for why I avoided making myself vulnerable to rejection, but that's okay. Rome wasn't built in a single day, too. And all in all I had a very nice evening, and didn't regret not staying at home at all.
Thursday (28 June 2012)
Tried to call up some friends to get them to go into town with me, but none of them responded or were interested enough to go. So I went out alone again, this time to a large “public viewing”. It's okay if you laugh - It's stupid, but that's “Denglish” for “massive football watch party”. The area was very packed and that made it easy for me to talk to everybody around me, which did include some cute girls. The mood was perfect - until the game began. And it didn't get any better during it. When the game was finally over and Italy hat kicked Germany out of the tournament, everybody, myself included, was kind of down and so I went home without doing anything else.
Friday (29 June 2012)
Right now it's 10:30 pm and still 25 °C outside, humid and no hint of even a slight breeze. And even though my flat is on the basement level, I don't feel like making any move at all. So I wasn't very disappointed when a friend of mine, with whom I had planned to go out tonight, called me and told me that she was tired and still had so many tasks to do, that she didn't really feel like going out. So instead I wrote this post. Any my apologies to everybody for making it such a long one.
To be continued…