Disgusted by cheating girlfriends

[I_Dare]

I know this guy for a couple of years (I'll call him Jim)... he met me on a forum seeing that my name suggests co-nationality. He was a total PUA ...doing Mystery Method and weird shit like trying to steal girlfriends from guys in clubs. (He had a bunch of buff friends to defend him in case he found trouble). He had some good parts too. (can't remember what thought) ) Anyway, he met this pseudospiritual guy who taught him stuff about "love" and "making women feel perfect" and other stuff like that. It started working for him because many girls are insecure and so on. Plus, he was pretty much older than the girls he was hitting on. Anyway...this is not the interesting part.

He now claims to have 3 girlfriends...but they're not actually his girlfriends. His "girlfriends" actually have their own relationships (the guys think it's monogamous)... and to my surprise... their relationships are as old as a few years. (2 years plus and so on). Now I find it scrupulous to consistently cheat on your partner for years....wtf...if something doesn't work why not find someone that's fit? Lie-ing, cheating and pretending everything is perfect shows 2 things: 1.you're an insecure bitch who doesn't think she can find everything in a relationship. 2. you're egocentric, selfish and totally lack integrity, morals, empathy and everything.

What bothers me is, their boyfriends (although probably total dicks) think everything is fine, these girls tell their men they love them... and go suck this other guy's dick. They usually lie like: "I'm going to the mall / to exams (that they skip and lie about failing them) / to a friend / to whatever." They REGULARLY have sex with this Jim at least once a week (mostly more than once). Jim is happy he can learn sex on them... he shows his friends videos of him fucking these 3 girls and asks for sex advice, then tries what he has learned on the women. He says shit like "Those guys can't last as much as me and don't have a huge dick like me....nor can they give them so much love." I'm disgusted while writing this.

Now what really bothers me is that these guys that are in relationships with them are clueless. I sometimes cringe that it could be me in their place. Scenario: My girl can seem happy with me while she goes to fuck some douche-bag on a regular basis totally taking advantage of me trusting her... and this guys shows everyone videos of how she sucks his dick and so on...

I think "Chill, not all girls are like this...and you don't know much about their relationships and whatever" but another part of me is like "But damn dude, it's 3 girls not just 1..."

Is it so hard to protect yourself from situations like this? I mean... it's 3 guys... all in long term relationships that last for 2-3 years...

OPEN DISCUSSION....

[Chaos]

Aaaaaaaaaaand here we go in another mental masturbation thread that leads nowhere...

Before you become defensive as I know you'll become, let me clarify something. It's not exactly that the topic itself isn't interesting... it's just that it's completely forced. You lack context, the thing comes out of nowhere and leads nowhere. I don't feel you have something specific in mind, you're just posting random riddles for the shake of posting them... Seriously, this things do eventually come up while discussing other things... Your posts simply doesn't interest me, I become bored before I finish reading most of them.

We've said this before, I'm gonna say it one last time. Do stuff, have success and failures, come and told us and if, in the mean time, some interesting thought crosses your mind we'll discuss it... but come on!! I refuse to believe you're not aware of the pattern of your threads...

[Tim]

Yeah man, this is a total waste of time. Some women cheat, others don't. Chaos is right, this is not a good use of time.

[Mark]

Quote:We've said this before, I'm gonna say it one last time. Do stuff, have success and failures, come and told us and if, in the mean time, some interesting thought crosses your mind we'll discuss it... but come on!! I refuse to believe you're not aware of the pattern of your threads...

I'm pretty much done answering any of I_Dare's posts unless they're about a personal experience of his.

[Zelazny]

Meh, I've had sex with a woman who had a boyfriend. This used to bother me enormously, but she had interest and hearing how their relation truly and really sucked donkey balls, I had no qualms in getting together with her. Eventually, she broke it off because she couldn't deal with the fact that she was cheating with me and I wasn't sugarcoating it by just calling it cheating with me.

There's the word relationship and there's actually having one. You can have all the big words about commitment you want, if the underlying relationship is just one long string of fights, no intimacy and no communication, you're not having a relationship, you're playing that you have one.

I did find it sucky that she wasn't honest with her partner, but considering the state of her relationship, I didn't feel any remorse at sleeping with her. This surprised me, as I always thought I was principled to the extreme. But in the end, it was her principle to uphold, not mine to uphold for her.

Turns out later that he was cheating on her and she knew too. Glad she broke it off with him later, guy was seriously turning her into a wreck.
I'd sleep with her again, but could not trust her for a relationship. That's how I feel about cheating women and that's that.

There, experiences. Now get your own.

[Zac]

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.ph...sterbation

"I totally hate NASCAR drivers that don't wear stickers on their helmet, I don't actually drive NASCAR or watch it or anything, I just wanted to talk about how much time I spend thinking about things that don't actually have anything to do with me currently. I'm going to write another 2000 words on this kid I know that once gave a NASCAR driver a sticker to put on his helmet. The guy wouldn't put it on. From afar, this really pisses me off. Instead of taking the time to read a book, learn how to cook a new meal, practice a new language, or do a fucking Sadoku, let's talk about this right fucking meow. Don't even get me started on people who get tattoos. I don't have one but god damn...".

We say this stuff out of love. Many of us have said the exact same thing to you. You don't listen to us. Why do you join a forum and then continually not listen to what the members have to say? Again, out of love, if you keep making posts like this people are just going to stop responding. It's hard to get people back after that point.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intellectualization

"Intellectualization is a defense mechanism where reasoning is used to block confrontation with an unconscious conflict and its associated emotional stress, by 'using excessive and abstract ideation to avoid difficult feelings'.[1] It involves removing one's self, emotionally, from a stressful event."

[Creatine Dreams]

Yeah, listen to the dudes (and Firstaidkit) in this forum.

A lot of them have some wisdom to share and will help you get on a better path.

Part of getting on that path is learning how to interact with people in a way that directly relates to you personally.

[Matty]

Your coming pretty close to being dubbed "Reesay's The II" (minus the racial insecurity) there buddy.

It's 3 girls. 3 girls out of 3.5 billion (i'm guestimating). Just worry about your own relationships and you'll be fine. Oh, and what kind of guy video tapes himself having sex with a girl and then shows his buddy's?? My advice, get some friends with some fucking class. Jesus.

[I_Dare]

@Tim - well, I just wanted to share the story. It amazes me how relationships like this can last for 3 years.

@Chaos - it's just a story that was on my mind. What's out of context. Some dude says he's fucking girls that are in relationships with "great guys", the women lie to those guys that everything is fine while they fuck around with this other guy.

@Zelazny - Well, I usually wouldn't have written about this BUT this story goes on for like an year. He's still fucking those girls and those girls are still in relationships. I mean, if those relationships sucked so much why are they still in them for so long and keep staying in them? No need to answer it...it's just a question that pops in my head. They actually say they love those guys...

@Matty - yeah I know. The only reason I speak to the guy is because we both suffer(ed) from the same speaking disorder and have both found ways to overcome it. We rarely speak.

@guys - I just wanted to share the story. You can do whatever you want with it...consider it interesting, shitty or a total waste of time. I wasn't expecting anything out of this thread... I see now that it's pretty useless to post stuff like this because nobody has all the answers...

[Moody]

I_Dare, I can agree with the other guys: Your questions are much out of context and I cannot see any real experiences which could be based on them. But I wanna give you some insights anyway.

As you know, humans are contradictorily, you can say X and mean Y, or you can mean X and mean it like that but also mean Y. We don't know what's going on with these other guys the girls cheat on, and we don't know anything about your "friend" Jim who have some sexual encounters with these girls. There are situation where girls - and men too - have some possibility to cheat her girlfriend, because she/he likes another girl/guy this night and a kiss happen, and as you know, one follows the other. But next morning, he/she also loves his/her boyfriend/girlfriend and this sexual adventure has nothing to do with him/her.

On the other side, I can agree, it's not ethical to do some shit like he does, but every seduction has two parts - he and her. Maybe it gives him some ego-kick, or he's a false white knight who wants to rescue these girls from their nice guy boyfriends. And maybe these girls don't tell their boyfriends because they're just comfortable with them because of getting much attention and have some puppy on her side, or they love them much, but also likes the better fuck "Jim" gives them.

We don't know. It depends on context. And yes, people cheat, men and women. But it depends always on context why.

Just my 2 cents.

[FirstAidKit]

You mean someone who wants non-monogamous relationships selects for people who don't want/are bad at monogamy?

Stop the fucking presses.

[Thor]

Mate some men cheat, some women cheat on men, accept the way it is thats life. The whole world was at war at one point in history that was life.

More importantly remember one day you will die noone lives forever. Go out there, and get hurt, succeed, fail, love, lose, win, jump, fall, fight for what you want.

[I_Dare]

@Thor,

Yeah... that's exactly why I posted it. I didn't imagine that a girl can claim she's in a good relationship, be interested in maintaining it, and still fuck around so often... Of course my nerdy mind looked for an explanation and a way to avoid those types of women or situations... You know, stuff like qualifying for self esteem, learning lie-detection psychology etc.

It's funny that one of those girls had on facebook that famous quote "Be the change you want to see in the world." Come ooooooooooon

[Zelazny]

Please don't be so judgemental. They choose to do what they do, our likes and dislikes have no claim on their choices and their life.

[I_Dare]

(07-02-2012 01:10 AM)Zelazny Wrote:  Please don't be so judgemental. They choose to do what they do, our likes and dislikes have no claim on their choices and their life.

Please explain me your second sentence. The way I understand it is: stop judging people, let them do what they want.

In case that's not what you mean...don't read this:
-------------------
So in your opinion lying, deceiving, being fake and manipulating should not be judged. because it's a personal choice people make.

That's interesting. Well, here in my country we're VERY judgmental. We judge sleazy politicians driving luxury cars while sleeping at work, we judge gypsies attacking us on the streets at night for money, we judge criminals, thieves, everything. If you are to find everyone an excuse ...YOU CAN !

If someone steals your car some day, please have compassion for the thief and let him get away with it. After all, he might have some dreams he can't materialize otherwise

[SeXyBaCk]

Dude... cheating in romantic relationships isn't a crime, it's just a sign of weakness not to get out of or get what you want out of a relationship the cheating person is in. There are far worse things in life to do people. I'm sure it hurts and stinks but it's quite an honest and human mistake to make. Again... focus on yourself and your own life don't worry about what a cousin of a friend of a brother who's gardner knows a guy who overheard a conversation in the locker room told you. All these guys you've mentioned they sound like they're full of shit to be frank.

[I_Dare]

Well, I'd rather get my ass kicked by 5 gypsies and have all my belongings stolen in a night than have a girlfriend who's cheating on me for years while acting like everything's fine.

To me the words "honest" and "cheating" simply "can't be put in the same sentence".

Anyway, I just wanted to share the story...

(I guess I should listen to Mark's advice and stop thinking about dating, human behavior and relations and all this stuff for a few months till I recover... also It's so fucking hot in here, around 40 degrees I guess... I'm the only crazy bastard attempting an olympic sprint with a broken foot...)

[SeXyBaCk]

(07-04-2012 03:58 PM)I_Dare Wrote:  To me the words "honest" and "cheating" simply "can't be put in the same sentence".

I also just did it. Don't fight gypsies, they always have knives and a lot of brothers who always bring their friends along.

To be serious though, sometimes one party cheating can come as a relief and a confirmation that something is well and truly dead/gone and it's time to move on. Like a wake up call or a cold early morning shower. Listen to Mark, focus on your health for now and having fun. Trust me, once you have the life you want, the girlfriend you enjoy, the home you feel comfortable in...you really won't be worrying about any of this.

[I_Dare]

It's just that I've heard A MILLION stories on cheating... friends cheating on their girlfriends... friends having been cheating by girlfriends, friends finding later that in their previous relationship with a girl they liked, she was fucking around...etc.

This thread wasn't just about cheating in general...it was about "cheating for years while your partner doesn't even suspect it". I don't want to end up that guy...

PLUS, my family is an encyclopedia of romantic failure. I never had a family. My mother's only marriage was a catastrophy, my father's two marriages the same. My cousin dumped this policeman with potential and married a typical badboy, their life is pretty miserable now. My uncles (except 1) are all living shitty lives with their women.

This is one of the reason's I'm into this "self help" thing...

-----------------
I realized I don't have the energy to talk about it anymore. I have to heal and only then get my beliefs in check... make order in my head... etc.

[Zelazny]

(07-04-2012 12:40 PM)I_Dare Wrote:  Please explain me your second sentence. The way I understand it is: stop judging people, let them do what they want.

In case that's not what you mean...don't read this:
-------------------
So in your opinion lying, deceiving, being fake and manipulating should not be judged. because it's a personal choice people make.

You can judge all you want, but it won't change the world. You can tell a smurf that he should be green and tell a pygmy he should be 2 metres tall, but that won't change them either. In a way, this is unhealthy behaviour.
People cheat, people steal, people lie. That sucks. The point is that one always judges others from their own standpoint. Judging others for the sake of others is not your domain, as you cannot judge for others.

Basically, this is a matter between the cheating woman, the cheating guy and the partner of the cheating woman. What gives you the right to impose your moral framework upon their lives?

Quote:That's interesting. Well, here in my country we're VERY judgmental. We judge sleazy politicians driving luxury cars while sleeping at work, we judge gypsies attacking us on the streets at night for money, we judge criminals, thieves, everything. If you are to find everyone an excuse ...YOU CAN !

If someone steals your car some day, please have compassion for the thief and let him get away with it. After all, he might have some dreams he can't materialize otherwise

There's a distinct difference between judging people that actually influence your life, as you can show that there has been an impact on you and judging things that are not your business. It's the smurf with the wrong colour all over again.

Also, I noticed that judging others is behaviour that often coincides with overly judging yourself or having a moral framework where you define your standing towards others by means of judgement. Either way will be a hindrance in developing meaningful relationships. It leads to black-and-white worldviews, while things are often more of a shade of gray.

[I_Dare]

"What gives you the right to impose your moral framework upon their life?"

Well I pretty much believe the "cheated" would share my "moral framework."

[Zelazny]

Then DO something about it instead of racking up moral high-ground-points on a forum.

[Jon]

Why would you hang out with somebody like this?! You know he'll try to bang any girl you bring around, right?

[SeXyBaCk]

It's Friday.

TGI Friday or Jimmy Changas?

Man I miss american cheap dining. I can't get any meal here for under 30 euros.

[Spikes]

^ lmao common man it's Friday you gotta go with TGIF