Depression / Quarterlife / Identity Crisis

[TCD]

I'm a loser. I never truly realized it, until a few months ago. Adulthood came like a swift kick to the balls and I'm hurting.

I'm been alive for twenty-five years and I have nothing to show for it, but a High School Diploma and a mind full of regrets. My love life is non-existent, except for the crazy, drunk and desperate girls who just want to tell their friends they managed to hook with an attractive guy who's just as pathetic as they are. I was a late-bloomer who blew off every girl in Middle and High School due to shyness. I read some Pick-Up, mainly David DeAngelo (who's material is extremely dated). I was never really inspired by it, I still require "liquid confidence" at every social event with women. I'm a terrible conversationalist who also hates listening and small talk.

I feel like I have no "personal identity". I see everyone and they seem to have their passions, niches and something that keeps them from jumping off the Golden Gate (without nets). It hard to understand people, when you don't even understand yourself, most of the time. I have interests, but I haven't found anything that I could make a living from.

After going to a friend's funeral this year who committed suicide. I know this, though I've been really depressed this year I don't want to die. I want to live, but I want a life of value.

I just don't know where to start....

[Joey]

Who said that you are a loser? No one here I'm sure.

Start by keeping track of those trashy thoughts that pop into your head.
When one comes up or when you start comparing yourself... immediately reject it and think about what the truth is... If you have to write it down or say it out loud then do it. Think about all of the precious awesome things in your life and be thankful for what you've got.

If you don't train your mind to what the truth is you will wallow around in confusion for a long time.

[Vytas80]

Read this book: "Man's Search for Meaning" by Viktor Frankl

[TCD]

Thanks for the responses. I'll check out that book. The reason I have such a hard time with "lookin on the bright side" is that I always feel like I need a reason to do so.

[Alvar]

See here if this is right for you: http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-The-M...0380810336
You must write and do the exercises, though.
There is a reason the book sold over 3 million of copies and is still recommended by professionals. The 10 min. exercise in pages 30-40 can change your life. It changed mine.

[Joey]

That is a great first step TDC, start reading and take action.
Your emotions are going to be up some days and really low others... but guess what... that makes you completely normal. Just remember to hold those thoughts captive and don't let your feelings control your attitude.

Good thoughts + positive action = gradual success

[TCD]

I had to go to Barnes and Noble for a return anyway, so I just decided to do an exchange. I got both Feeling Good and Man's Search For Meaning (along with getting $7 back). I will not let these books gather dust. Thanks for the recommendations, fellas.

[Alvar]

You're still around, TCD? Are the books helping?

[Vlad]

Might help: http://postmasculine.com/the-prime-belief

[domr]

Start by going to school.

[gibb]

Hey TCD, I've been going through the same as you recently. I really recommend 'As a Man Thinketh' by James Allen. It's over 100 years old and kind of repetitive at times, but it helped me understand the power your thoughts have over your life. Thought and character are one. There's some real wisdom in it and powerful messages to stop being negative, and start being positive. And it's free online!

[rad skeleton]

The whole concept of a "quarter life crisis" seems super unfair. I mean as soon as its over are you just supposed to jump straight into your midlife crisis? That sucks.

I'm being facetious but seriously good luck.