Dating multiple women, how feasible is it?

[George89]

Recently I have been seeing two girls. I never planned for this too happen the way it did..It just kind of fell into place. I went on a few dates with one girl, lets call her Jane, once or so a week, and then there was this two week gap..I met another girl, lets call her Sarah...and then went on a date with her that following week. And then Jane comes back into the picture. Its a bit of a headfuck. The one thing I am banking on this that Jane is actually going away in about 5-6 weeks time travelling for a year. She isn't actually from my country so may never return. I really like Sarah, and so I am hoping I can somehow manage to double date/see both until the Jane goes away. Thats the plan anyway. There is a time window I need to get through and then I can just concentrate on Sarah.

Either way, its a tough one. I have noticed already over the last few weeks my personal time has become a lot more limited. And its hard to fit both in on the weekend. The odds of my plan being successful are pretty slim I guess (seeing both till Jane goes away and then hoping that I can just concentrate on Sarah). Its tough and quite demanding. Ultimately as well I think when you are seeing more then one girl it will become apparent that you like one more than the other. Its just tough as now Jane is quite into me so she is more demanding on meeting up. If I could pick one, it would be sarah, but now I am pretty tangled up with Jane. And I couldn't reject her at this stage, I want to see her until she goes. Its almost a commitment that I want to make to her.

I guess the key is to prioritise on one girl most of the time and only fit in the other now and then. When you get to the stage where each girl wants to see you as much as possible then you get yourself more and more tangled in your web. And the longer you stay with each girl, the more she is going to find out about your life and what you are doing. Also key is time management/allocation. Make sure you don't double book yourself. If anything I might have to cut back on meeting both so it doesn't become too intense. Seeing one girl one night and the next the night after is a little much personally.

Anyway, I wanted to know if anyone had similar experiences to this, whether they were able to manage seeing two or more girls at any given time?

[baller08]

Yes. Very doable. The only reason why you're having an issue is because you're not being honest. You fear that if you tell them that you're leaving your options open and that you're taking your time to see if a serious relationship is a good idea that you'll lose them. You won't.

You will lose them, however, if you're trying to be ashamed of it and hiding it and they discover it on their own.

The brain washing tells men this is not ok, but it is, so long as you do it with integrity.

[Halo Effect]

Yes. Be honest about it and you'll find that plenty women are okay with it and might even prefer it to a serious relationship sometimes. Other women will not like it and will leave you or make you choose. By being honest you will filter out the women who are not okay with it and end up with women who do accept it.

Whether you want to date multiple women is another question though. It depends on what you want. It seems from your post that you let girls set the pace and that you don't really set your own boundaries. You're concerned about when they both want to see you more often, but you decide how much you want to see them both. You are not a victim of the situation.

If you become aware of what you want and state it clearly and honestly and act with integrity as baller says, then you tend to get more of what you want more easily.

[Jack Sparrow]

The guys responded kind of assume you were not open to the girls about the situation. Did you tell the girls that the relationship is not exclusive?

Earlier this year I had to tell a girl that I really liked that I am just dating at this point in my life. She understood, and we still see each other weekly or sometimes every other week. I did feel she distanced herself a little after we had that conversation. The advantage is that it frees me up time wise and emotionally to see other girls.

For me, at this point I don't think I can have more than one "true girlfriend". But "dating" multiple girl is certainly doable as long as you understand that neither person will be 100% devoted to each other emotionally. Once that's understood, you'll have more free time, free energy.

I think for an average guy with 50 hour work week, 2 girls is probably the max without feeling exhausted and not having time for other hobbies and friends. If you work 20 hours/week, maybe you can have 3 or 4 girls. Who knows. But the answer is obvious that the more free time you have, the more girls you can see.

There are of course the more extreme end of the spectrum where you have many booty calls at your beckon. That would be a lot more time efficient. That's definitely an enviable situation that some of us want to be in, but I wouldn't call that "dating" multiple women.

[SeXyBaCk]

Sounds like 1. you're already feeling the strain of the circumstances and 2. you've given them the impression you're beyond the phase of just dating. If they're calling you up repetitively to meet up then they're 'seeing you' in my book. For me personally I can't keep that up. Nor can I easily split my time, affections or interests. Are you sleeping with both these women? If that is the case make Jane your fuck buddy and Sarah your interest. Otherwise just let Jane go. Again from your description is sounds like she's more into you than into her, and for that reason you feel you somehow owe her quality time, you don't. She wants to be entertained before she leaves. Fair enough but don't put her needs above your own wellbeing, you might be wearing yourself out.

For myself personally at this point in my life I have a fairly good idea how much "woman time" I need and can take in a day. And one woman alone mostly takes up that set amount. So I'd try and listen into yourself why you're doing this. Is it becaues you're having such a great time or is it because you love what it's doing to your ego?

edit: and basically what Halo says, run/rule your own life, don't let them do it, because that is what I read from the above right now.

[Jon]

Here's my take on it:

If you are seeing both of those girls twice per week, that gets to be a lot. Any more gets into total insanity territory. You can totally date multiple girls CASUALLY if you see them once per week or less. Anything more is 1) going to cause many women to start going into relationship mode and 2) destroy all your free time.

I'm actually going to dissent from the advice above. If you like Sarah and want her to be your girlfriend, and have been seeing her multiple times per week, why do you want to risk messing with it so you can see Jane a few more times. You say you can't break up with her at this point: you absolutely can. You should be honest with her - you really like her but ultimately, you know nothing can come of this because she's leaving. You didn't expect this to happen but you actually met somebody who lives in the city and you feel like that's what you should pursue. If she lived in the same city with you it would be a different story, but ultimately you want something more serious. Now, thats IF you want Sarah to be your girlfriend. If the question is how to juggle two casual things - just refuse to see them more than three nights per week between the two.